OK, this New York Post headline isn’t up there with Headless Body in Topless Bar, but it’s still worthy of merit.
Man allegedly hiding drugs in butt accidentally shoots himself in testicles
The details are, well, painful. In a number of ways.
Cameron Jeffrey Wilson, 27, was carrying a pistol in his front pocket while in his Cashmere, Wash., apartment on April 5 when the firearm accidentally discharged and pierced his groin and thigh….
Wilson, however, wasn’t just a felon. He’s what’s commonly known in law enforcement circles as a recidivist.
Wilson, who is a 13-time convicted felon, told his girlfriend to dispose of the weapon before heading to the hospital, the paper said.
Why the Washington criminal justice system had played a years-long game of catch-and-release with Wilson through 13 prior felony convictions is anyone’s guess. But as we all know, a felon in possession of a firearm is frowned upon in a highly gun-controlled state like Washington (and pretty much everywhere else).
So, while Wilson may not be the sharpest pushpin in life’s bulletin board, he knew enough not to take the gun to the hospital. He had to figure the hospital docs — and then the cops — would want to know how he came by his gunshot wound.
But Wilson apparently forgot to relieve himself of all the contraband he had.
When the ex-con finally went to the hospital, a balloon of marijuana slipped out of his anus while a doctor was operating on the gunshot wound, court records show.
Oops. Maybe the pain of the gunshot wound made him forget about the controlled substance in his orifice. The problem is, details like that tend to arouse police officers’ level of suspicion. So . . .
Cops also arrived at the hospital when alerted of the gunshot wound and searched Wilson’s car where they discovered a bag of meth in the blood-stained jeans he was wearing when he shot himself.
Let’s take a break and sum up, shall we? We have a 13-time felon in possession of a firearm, meth and a balloon full of weed shoved up his back door. Given all of that, you’d think the local constabulary would have clapped him in irons just as soon as the docs were finished sewing him up. Not so much.
The officers issued an arrest warrant for Wilson and he turned himself in to police on April 18.
Yes, they let him turn himself in. The only thing more surprising than that is the fact that he actually did it.
But that makes this next detail all the more baffling. After being convicted of 13 prior felonies, you’d think Wilson would be extremely familiar with the whole jail intake process. But . . .
As he was being processed at the Chelan County Regional Justice Center, Wilson was strip-searched and another balloon of marijuana slipped from his anus, the paper said.
He was also evidently unaware that prison phone calls are monitored. When he told his girlfriend not to cooperate with investigators, police added four counts of witness tampering on top of all of the other charges he’d accumulated.
With an intellect like that running around in a state that refuses to keep him locked up, Washingtonians can only hope that the gunshot ensured that Wilson will never reproduce.