Quote of the Day: Fowl Reasoning Edition

“Carrying a loaded assault weapon in downtown Appleton, the fine is zero dollars. The fine for carrying a loaded chicken — and she is loaded — is $263.50.” – Mark Scheffler in Chicken makes a point in Wis. gun debate [at usatoday.com]


  1. avatar Ty King says:

    So we should have bad gun laws because we have bad chicken laws?

    1. avatar Shire-man says:

      Equal suffering is a popular trait of the tyrant class. They look at their own chains, see a man with no chains, and the complaint is always “why isnt he chained up too?” rather than “why arent I free too?”

      1. avatar Crazed Java says:

        Indeed, all free people should come together like birds of a feather. Our opponents are the ones who are chicken, always crowing about the evils of gun control. Their fowl attempts to forever peck away at our rights will persist but if we stay strong they will not be plucked from us. In the end it will be the anti-gunners who have egg on their face.

        1. FTW! Metaphorically speaking, of course.

        2. avatar PhoenixNFA says:

          *applause* bravo. Good show!!

        3. avatar Tom in Oregon says:

          This is Awesome! ^^

        4. avatar Jeremy S says:

          Nice!!!! Hats off to you, sir.

          Hey why do chicken coops have two doors?

          Because if they had four they’d be chicken sedans!

          …okay it’s better as a spoken joke due to coop/coupe but you get it ;)…

        5. avatar Russ Bixby says:

          “Our opponents are the ones who are chicken, always crowing about the evils of gun control.”

          Um, they crow about the evils of guns, whereas we cluck at the evils of gun control and their other cheep shots at our freedoms.

          Anyway, not to be a turkey, but do you perchance drink avian?

    2. avatar William Burke says:

      I’m against bad chickens, PERIOD.

    3. avatar Cliff H says:

      I’ve studied the Bill of Rights (first ten amendments, for those of you in Rio Linda) and I can’t find anything about a right to carry a chicken around town. Just sayin’.

      1. avatar William Burke says:

        So the job of the Bill of Rights is supposed to be to delineate each and every one of our rights, or else we may not be allowed to enjoy them? What an absurd notion.

        1. avatar Rich Grise says:

          Well, you have a right to carry a chicken, but you don’t have a right to spread chicken poop around town. Or maybe peck some kid’s eye out.

        2. avatar William Burke says:

          Personally speaking, my pecker’s not on my face, Rich.

        3. avatar Tom says:

          As I recall the tenth amendment leaves all the other decisions of powers to the states and the people. Not sure where chickens fit in.

  2. avatar bobmcd says:

    My pistol does not leave a trail of guano behind it.

    1. avatar 505markf says:

      No, but the chicken “refuse” makes great compost in a garden. The brass my pistol kicks out, not so much. It is reusable, though, so sustainability is maintained.

  3. avatar Craig says:

    What do you define as an “assault weapon”? A pencil can be an assault weapon if someone uses it in an assault in a weaponly manner.

  4. avatar blahpony says:

    When chickens are outlawed, only outlaws will have chickens.

    1. avatar Roger says:

      God made man but Colonel Sanders made them equal.

      1. avatar Soccerchainsaw says:

        The only thing that stops a bad guy with a chicken is a good guy with a grill….

        1. avatar Pulatso says:

          This is my chicken. There are many others like it, but this one is mine.

      2. avatar orion says:

        God made chickens but Colonel Sanders made them delicious.

        Fixed. 😉

    2. avatar William Burke says:

      But when guns are outlawed, will only chickens have guns?

      Give me an armed chicken any day in a disarmed society.

  5. avatar Narcoossee says:

    Freedom of speech occurred there, also. No difference.

  6. avatar peirsonb says:

    The right of the people to keep and bear fowl shall not be infringed…

    1. avatar SCIENCE! says:

      Be reasonable. The average citizen doesn’t need a high capacity hens or an assault rooster.

      1. avatar Vhyrus says:

        I am quite proud of my assault cock, thank you!

        If you’re wondering, it is in fact high capacity.

        No, it is not a short barrelled rifle, either.

        1. avatar jwm says:

          Does a mag dump in less than 3 seconds.

      2. avatar Cliff H says:

        Reasonable? Science? When was the last time you saw a chicken that wasn’t a single shot and took a long time to reload?

      3. avatar William Burke says:

        I think chickens are best when they’re allowed to bear eggs.

  7. avatar Pascal says:

    There is confusion between “rights” and privileges. Happy the chicken man was able to exercise his first 1st amendment right, hopefully he will figure out there are several more including the 2nd and that his chicken in not mentioned in any of them.

    I find it comical what the anti-gun types try to draw parallels upon.

  8. avatar Fug says:

    The open carry of birds has no place in a civil society. I was attacked by a Pelican while playing with bait fish when I was five, trust me on this.

    1. avatar JoshtheViking says:

      Yeah, birds (chickens included) can be pretty mean.

      1. avatar Tama Paine says:

        I’m not sure you know what the word “viking” means.

        Having said that, after a long life of knowing both humans and chickens, I’d far rather feast on the flesh of the former.

      2. avatar William Burke says:

        And any swan can be a better guard animal than some dogs.

    2. avatar Jeremy says:

      Be happy it wasn’t a møøse. A møøse once bit my sister.

      1. avatar rip_vw32 says:

        But birds have fowl attitudes!!! (sorry, I wanted in on this tongue in cheekness!)

      2. avatar Dr. Kenneth Noisewater says:

        Ouch, those møøse bites can be pretti nasti!

      3. avatar 505markf says:

        Moose bites can be very dangerous. It is a good day to quote Monty Python.

      4. avatar Rich Grise says:

        How did she taste?

      5. avatar Tama Paine says:

        But was it trained to mix concrete and sign complicated insurance forms?

  9. avatar Frank says:

    Yeah, sure. An assault weapon is a mythical instrument. It exists only in the imagination of some gullible people and some very dishonest cretins. A chicken on the other hand can be quite real…unless it’s a Peep in which case the writer’s point is moot.

    1. avatar Chip says:

      “…unless it’s a Peep”

      You, obviously, have never seen a Peep in a microwave. Very dangerous!

  10. avatar James says:

    “Chicken makes point about Wisconsin gun debate”. Really? What point? That Scheffler appears as crazy as the AR carriers appeared? Thankfully it appears so. He just gave back any opening the antis had to make hay out of the activists’ poor judgment weeks earlier. Before you light me up as a squish, please check your emotions first. That market is huge, either the largest or 2nd largest in WI. It runs at least 6 city blocks and has hundreds or thousands there every week. It is a near ideal soft target for a maniac. The only problem for the deranged maniac is that some police are on hand for traffic control. The AR stunt was legal, but poor judgment. OCing handguns would have been a better choice to begin the long term process of getting the public used to the sight of a gun. You can go from 0 to 100 in a snap, the change is too much for people to accept without incident.

    Lastly, could the article author Collar been more desperate and dishonest? If Scheffler is really a gun owner, it is solely a hunting rifle, otherwise he would not be making asinine comments like “it is ok for rural areas, but….”.

  11. avatar Leadbelly says:

    Fifty years ago I had a summer job at the St. Louis Zoo, primarily walking around with a cloud of overpriced helium balloons and extorting money from harried parents. One day, however, an assistant in the penguin department called in sick, and I was handed a bucked of smelly dead fish and told to go into the enclosure and feed the equally smelly live birds. Let me say right now that, cute as they may look, penguins were adept at “kneecapping” long before the Irish Republican Army coined the term.

    1. avatar Rob1285 says:

      An ex and I used to go to the STL zoo frequently. As broke college students, it was a good for “date day” or whatever. I loved the peguin exhibit, if nothing more than the fact they used to swim right up along the edge of the glass, and I was pretty sure I could reach in and grab one and get out of the zoo before anyone really knew what was happening.

      1. avatar Leadbelly says:

        You’d be amazed at how sociable some of those critters could be when there were no crowds around. I used to get there an hour or so early just to enjoy their company. Giraffes would stick their heads out of the enclosure so I could scratch behind their ears! That was the greatest summer job imaginable for a highschool kid. It was always a toss up whether the animals or the crowds were more entertaining to watch. A day at the zoo is probably the best first date in the world. There’s always something to talk about, so no uncomfortable silences. If you were really lucky some of the critters might be feeling “romantic”, and maybe plant an idea in your date’s mind – monkey see, monkey do, you monkey you!

        1. avatar William Burke says:

          Great dating advice, man. You should start a dating blog.

  12. avatar thatoneguy says:

    Chickens are filthy creatures and riddled with parasites. On top of that they [email protected] everywhere, non stop. My guns are always very clean, well oiled, and harbor no pathogens. So, yeah, dude can take his nasty a$$ chicken and GTFO of that urban area(containing what appears to be people eating, at that). Has he no care for the health of those around him?

  13. avatar Jim R says:

    City folk don’t realize it, but chickens can be pretty dangerous. Parasites, mess and disease aside, they’re just MEAN.

    1. avatar Soccerchainsaw says:

      I dunno. The chickens at my brother in laws ranch are pretty groovey. Of course he only has hens, no roosters. Are the roosters more aggressive?

      Wait, we’re getting off track. Shall not be infringed, Shall not be infringed, Shall not be infringed. Ok, I’m back in the proper state of mind now.

      1. avatar DaveL says:

        Are the roosters more aggressive?

        Yes. Hell, yes. I’ve had roosters routinely try to take on our border collies. It takes them about a full 30 seconds to realize “Oh cr*p! I’m a chicken! That’s a dog!” and run away.

      2. Roosters are bad. The last time my family had any, I was 12 and a big kid, about 5’6″ and 160 and the dam things would still try and take me on, until I kicked one of them across the yard. My little sister was 7, rail thin and maybe 4′ tall, she absolutely refused to go outside while the roosters were out in the yard because they would come after her as soon as they saw her.

        1. avatar 505markf says:

          Now that’s a sign that I could put in front of my house that passes my OPSEC requirements: Property Protected by Attack Chickens!

      3. avatar Julian says:

        Are the roosters more aggressive?

        They can be. Mostly they’re just protective of their hens, but sometimes you’ll find one that attacks people. There are plenty of stories from kids who grew up with a terrorist attack rooster. I gave a really big, mellow rooster to a neighbor several years ago because she had one that terrorized her son. He went in, beat the mean one into submission, and they never had another problem. Go figure…

        1. avatar Rich Grise says:

          <rooster joke>
          Farmer Jones had this one old rooster, who he thought could use a little “help” in the breeding department, if you know what I mean. So he goes to farmer Brown and buys a young new bantam rooster. When the new rooster gets to the chicken yard, of course he has to challenge the Alpha Male, which, of course, is the old wizened one. The old one suggests a foot race. So, the new bantam, feeling smug, says, “I’ll not only race you, I’ll give you a 10 foot head start!”

          So they take off. The old rooster dodders about ten feet, the young new bantam takes off after him, and *BLAM!* Farmer Jones hits him with the birdshot.

          Farmer Jones was heard to remark, “Damn! That’s the third queer rooster Brown has sold me!”
          </rooster joke>

    2. avatar Tama Paine says:

      Yeah, god forbid anybody should ever stand their ground and run off an invader on territory they consider theirs, or in protection of those they care about.

      I mean, that goes against everything RKBA people believe, right?

  14. avatar Paul W says:

    You know, I don’t like laws telling me what animals I can keep (I breed exotic animals, mostly snakes).
    But carrying a chicken in public? REALLY? That should illegal. Projectile shitting alone means I don’t want one near me. And trust me, a chicken can shoot its shit.

  15. avatar LongBeach says:

    Chickens are a-holes. I wanna punch em so hard their eggs come out as cubes.

  16. avatar Colt Magnum says:

    I wanna hear what the chicken has to say about all this.

  17. avatar Jay1987 says:

    The right of a chicken to keep and bear humans shall not be infringed!!!! Damn commies stomping on chicken rights

    1. avatar Fred says:

      Actually, I think those kind of people do fight harder for animal rights than human rights.

      1. avatar Jay1987 says:

        Sadly yes but mostly i think its cause the chickens have high capacity assault humans they threaten hippies with so the hippies fight harder for animal rights.

        1. avatar Rich Grise says:

          Kinda the opposite of chicken catch-a-Tory?

  18. avatar Ing says:

    Hmmm… If that’s the case, then this moron had better put down the bird and start carrying a gun. Problem solved.

    And that USA Today article title is cracking me up. “Chicken makes a point in gun debate” — when livestock make better points than people, you know your side has lost the debate.

  19. avatar Angry AZ says:

    perhaps the fine would not have been so high if those who carry chickens were not in the habit of fornicating with them……. well yes you could try that with my gun sir but it would probably solve the problem on it’s own…..

    1. avatar Fred says:

      A new definition of the term “firecrotch”?

    2. avatar Tama Paine says:

      What is it about TTAG that yall guys come in here and share your sexual fantasies with absolute strangers?

      1. avatar Angry AZ says:

        After the sharing we aren’t strangers anymore…….:p

  20. avatar Fred says:

    That chicken and “protester” are full of the same thing and it happens to be the makeup of the argument. The difference is the chicken provides something to society.

    Then again he fails to prove the utility of carrying a chicken around with him, so his premise is flawed. He’s not comparing apples to apples so he just paid $263.50 without making a point, well, except that you can’t carry around something that is specifically illegal to carry around. I wonder how long it took him to find something illegal to carry.

  21. avatar ensitue says:

    So does his name go on the No Fly List or the No Fry List?

  22. avatar Pulatso says:

    Funny, when I was a kid my grandmother’s chickens would attack me all the time. Her rifle never did.

  23. avatar Ralph says:

    Sounds like a chickensh1t law to me.

  24. avatar James says:

    We need to consider the slippery slope. If people are allowed to openly carry poultry in public spaces, it’s only a matter of time before we face assault geese, fully automatic macaws, and even squad support ostriches.

  25. avatar Adam says:

    The right of the people to keep and chicken arms shall not be infringed… or something like that. Makes me think of that meme with Putin saying, “In America you have right to bear arms… In Russia we have right to whole bear!” Well in ‘Merica (heck yeah!) we have right to whole chicken!

  26. avatar C says:

    Dude has obviously never gotten a strong whiff of chicken shit. Spend time down wind of a chicken farm, and you too will believe that a fine of $260 is disgustingly lax.

    Also, this whole thing has made me want kfc for lunch.

  27. avatar Joe S. says:

    WTF I was a block away from there…

  28. avatar roadkill6 says:

    I agree, open leghorning should be 100% legal.

  29. avatar Jay1987 says:

    I fully support the right to arm bears… wait i mean bear chickens… wait what??? Screw this chickenshlt story

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