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Don’t let the heartbreak of a public failure to fire happen to you. We’ve all experienced the embarrassment of hearing that impotent ‘click’ at the range. The inability to perform on command can be horribly humiliating, especially when your friends are there to memorialize the event and potentially post it for all the world to see. It happened to Andrew Joseph “Punchy” Lobban of Ocala, Florida last week and his friends reportedly “punked” him over the FTF they captured on video. So he did what pretty much anyone would do in that situation…he killed them all. “Lobban had gone to a local shooting range with one of the victims, likely (Josue) Santiago, said (OPD spokeswoman Sgt. Angy) Scroble. At some point during that visit Lobban tried to fire a gun and it misfired…” . . .

The incident was taped, and the video was shared among all of the victims, all of whom worked with Lobban as bouncers at the Ocala Entertainment Complex.

Obviously Lobban learned his lesson and took some time after the embarrassing range mishap to clean his heater. It sure seems to have worked when he met up with his friends again.

And while three of his acquaintances are now dead, it isn’t as bad as it looks. Really. Punchy only meant to kill one of his victims.

Lobban told investigators that he only intended to shoot Josue “Sway” Santiago, 25, of Ocala, the report said. The other victims — Benjamin Larz Howard, 23, of Belleview, and Jerry Lamar Bynes Jr., 20, of Ocala — he shot by accident, Lobban reportedly told police.

. . .

Each victim was shot once in the head, with Santiago and Bynes, whose nickname was Junior, sustaining fatal wounds to the back of the skull, the affidavit states.

Accident? Hmm. Sounds to us like he hit exactly what he was aiming at. But maybe, in addition to learning to keep his gun in better working order, Lobban could use some more range time to work on his accuracy. Not that he’s likely to get much of that where he’s headed.

So remember to keep your firearm nice and squeaky clean. Make sure that when it comes time to pull the trigger, it goes bang — every time. Especially when your friends are with you at the range. No one needs that kind of humiliation in their life. And to think it all could have been avoided with some Hoppe’s No. 9 and a little Rem Oil.

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  1. I saw this story right after it happened, and though I read two or three versions of it, I was unable to find out what the “punking” in question was. I am sort of surprised to find out it was actually stupider than what I imagined, because I’d already set the bar pretty low. I have to wonder just what exactly this guy’s intelligence level is, because it sure seems like he’s got a three-year-old’s grasp of causality and proportion.

  2. Apparently it had nothing to do with the gun being clean, though I suppose the point remains valid. This story says that police are saying that one of the “friends” put the wrong size ammunition into the gun to force a misfire so they could film it. That’s the only article I can find at this point that says the ammo specific thing, although a couple others say they “rigged it to not go off.”

    • The protip should be “Load your own gun, so your friends won’t prank you, because then you have to execute them, because that’s what you do when you’re a sociopathic monster”. It’s a little wordy, but it can roll off the tongue with practice. Also: A forced misfire counts as a “prank”? What would he have done if they cling wrapped his toilet?

  3. Bouncers at the shooting range punking a buddy. Let’s see if we can piece together the mystery of how this turned out badly. Combining firearms, a practical joke and high-testosterone men with stressful jobs at a watering hole should’ve just been another routine day at the park.

    Moral of the story? Never punk a buddy named “Punchy”. His new name? Shooty.

  4. That ear ring must be heavy; bet Lobban had to hold his pistol sideways to make those shots.

  5. I’ve had Hoppes #9 make my firearm malfunction. It froze or something and turned to glue. Had to smack it on the range table to get the slide back down. Had that happened he may have just set fire to a city bus and then I’d have to go through a NCIS background check just to catch the bus should my truck break.

      • It was a very cold day, and I had just cleaned the firearm that morning with some hoppes then used some hoppes oil. Went out, first shot slide locked back further back than normal and would not come down. The liquid had turned into some resin like substance.

        Now if you mean the rest of my comment I was making a snide reference to the crazy man in china who set a bus full of people on fire and mocking the morons who want gun registry and bs laws by saying maybe we should regulate buses.

  6. Maybe Bloomberg or CSGV will interview and quote him on their next public gun ban missive.

  7. According to one commenter on the linked article, a mitigating factor in this triple homicide is the “bullying” that Mr. Punchy was subjected to by his friends.

    It makes me sick every time I hear one of those anti-bullying ads on the radio, the ones that are a careful mix of melodrama and condescension. And brought to me by the Ad Council. I wonder if those meddlesome (and spendthrift) idiots over there realize that their anti-bullying campaign is breeding nitwits so stupid that they will excuse triple murders by guys whose friends giggle at them.

    • Somehow, I doubt the “lay off, you douchenuggets” ads are going to inspire someone to do this if they aren’t already unhinged.

      • I should have been more clear. I meant to say that the commenter was stupid in her (I think it was a her) ideas of what bullying is, and what behaviors can be excused on the part of victims of bullying.

    • As a man with a B.S. in Advertising, sir, I honor you! I will further honor you Wednesday night with drinks and a Headley Grange cigar… AD COUNCIL, KISS OLD RUSTY!!!

  8. And i think of those times that my buddies would load one .357 with six .38s as a prank. Glad i was never shot in the head.

  9. Take a good look at Mr. Punchies face. A good hard look. Now, tell me if you see a sense of humor there or any forgive and forget? I only hope the guys he killed had not bred. They had to be from a stagnant gene pool to piss that man off. 3 dead and him going away for a long time and I’ll bet between the four of them them they couldn’t come up with enough IQ points to break double digits.

  10. I do believe that Florida has the death penalty, and uses it. Give this man a ticket!

  11. Sometimes, I read this story, and I have physically stop myself from slapping my forehead in embarrassment for the whole human race…

  12. This needs to be re-titled, given the screen play treatment, and become a Hollywood summer blockbuster, “Mister Punchy’s Bad Day”, starring Yaphet Kotto and Chevy Chase…

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