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You can finally breathe easy, Houstonians, the last member of the audacious sex shop stick-up trio has finally be taken off the streets. It’s once again safe to pick up a DVD or personal massager whenever you like without worrying about being blasted into next week. Back in April, three armed yoots knocked over the 24-hour Katz Boutique in the wee hours of the morning. Though they didn’t get a dime, but they did manage to shoot up the joint pretty well, including a blonde, aqua teddy-wearing mannequin who we hope has recovered from her injuries . . . reports that, “The three weren’t exactly masters of their craft. During the robbery, the armed suspects bumped into each other, causing the rifle to fire.” Thankfully, no one was injured during all the boomage. 

“These are by far the clumsiest crooks I’ve seen in a long time,” said Jeff Brieden, an HPD investigator in the Robbery Division. “They were unpredictable in the robbery. They fired without regard to anyone.”

Don’t worry about their lack of coordination, though. They’ll probably get a few tips on planning more organized, better-orchestrated armed robberies during their time in the Texas juvenile justice system.

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  1. The only time “the rifle went off” is even remotely correct.
    Either way, they must be pretty desperate to rob a store of that caliber.

  2. Inadvertent discharge of the early morning? Pre-mature bullet casing ejection?

    So, how much for the mannequin now?

  3. “Avoid sex shops at 3:00 AM”
    Christ, does that mean I can’t wake up my old lady at 3 o’clock anymore? How about 6 o’clock? That would be a “morner”, same as nooner, only sooner!

    • No kidding! Some poor guy in the back viewing booths waxing his carrot and some stupid kid is shooting up the place. Way to vaporize a good fantasy!

  4. Those hapless youths should have snagged some lacy apparel. It would serve them well when they get to the big boy joint.

    • I was thinking the same thing. Or it could have gone, “am armed patron intervened though requested to keep his identity a mystery. The reason given was that his wife would be upset with him.”

    • Dunno if I’d go for that one… workin in a sex shop just screams crazy & assembler issues, besides she stands in a sex shop who knows what all has been wiped, shot, or oozed onto her.

      • Yes but now she has at least one new, clean hole. If anything, I would think that makes the mannequin more valuable.

  5. You know they could download free porn on their smartphones rather than rob an unfamiliar sex shop at 0300… sounds like a good way to end up stealing the used merchandise to me.

  6. Holy shite! I know the sex shop angle is comical, but why the hell was that kid shooting up the place? Very fortunate no one (besides the mannequin) was injured.

    These kids should go away for a long time.

  7. Come again? I can’t get the video to work on the computer. I’ll just have to visualize whorled peas…

  8. Phew! I feel a lot safer now, just in case I have a sudden late-night urge to buy a dozen dildos and a gallon of Astro-Glide.


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