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“The International Defensive Pistol Association (IDPA) is the governing body of a shooting sport that simulates self-defense scenarios and real life encounters.” OK, so who still has a corded landline? The gun-guru recommended procedure for a home/office defense scenario: dial 911 and put the phone down ASAP. The operator can trace the call and you can shout information if needs be. Or not, if you don’t want to blow your cover/concealment. That’s IF you have enough time . . .

Better to have a family member or colleague sort that out so you can concentrate on the “defense” part of “home defense.” No matter how you slice it, if you’re shooting and talking to someone on the phone (I SAID….), you’re an idiot.

Don’t even get me started about the wisdom of shooting with a briefcase in your hand.¬†Oh wait; too late . . .

I can only imagine three scenarios where I wouldn’t abandon a briefcase during a gunfight.

1. I’m carrying the nuclear football: the case containing the launch codes for the President of the United States. (Not the president himself, our nuclear missiles.) On second thought, nope. I’d leave it. There’s got to be some kind of backup plan if the guy with the football gets shot. [Note to self: call Tom Clancy.]

2. The case is made of ballistic protection material and I need a ballistic shield.

3. I want to get shot.

Is the IDPA looking for fake real world scenarios to entertain members bent on runnin around shooting stuff? How about mocking-up a porn store that just took a shipment of inflatable dolls, that the clerk decided to check for leaks by mass inflation, just before he went all psycho? Or would that be that best reserved for the Inane Defensive Pistol Association?

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