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Yesterday I saw a new commercial for CPI Security Systems. [Click here for a different CPI commercial featuring a “military grade microphone.”] The ad in question opens with a middle-aged couple talking about how they’d never thought about installing a security system until their son installed CPI, and they did the same. Cut to them in bed one night . . .

Then cut to the bad guy (always a 20-something white guy in these commercials) kicking in the front door. The alarm goes off. Cut to the CPI security center where the sweet young thing on duty looks at what’s happening via the surveillance camera they installed in the home, and screams at the intruder to “identify yourself” (yeah, right) while her male supervisor stands very close, looking over her shoulder.

Cut to the terrified couple in their bedroom, with him getting out of bed while assuring his wife he would check it out. Cut back to intruder, still standing inside the front door looking frightened and confused while the security system alarm is screeching and the disembodied voice is yelling for him to get out and warning him they’ve called the police.

Cut back to the empty-handed homeowner walking down the stairs that lead directly to the foyer where the bad guy is standing. They look at each other. Then the homeowner takes action: in his most authoritarian voice, he yells “get out of my house!”  The bad guy looks even more frightened. Cut to picture of logo and voice-over about how CPI watches over you 24/7 and what a deal you can get if you CALL NOW!

What they didn’t show was what came next. The CPI monitor person and her supervisor watched helplessly via their surveillance camera as the 20-something bad guy pulled a knife and attacked the unarmed 50-something homeowner who challenged him. Or pulled out a gun and shot him. Or just beat the shit out of him.

Fortunately there wasn’t a camera in the bedroom, so they couldn’t watch while he beat the homeowner’s equally unarmed wife senseless, raped her, and made off with her jewelry in the 20 minutes before the police finally showed up.

I’ve looked for a video of this commercial. It doesn’t seem to be on YouTube (yet).  Googling for it doesn’t seem to work either. If any of you have seen it on line, please post a link to it in the comments so everyone can see what they shouldn’t do when the security alarm goes off.

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  1. What’s a “military grade microphone?” Is the military suddenly ahead of the civilian world in inventing technology? They fell behind a decade ago.

    • It’s a MIC! Even the military has access to decent ones. It said “microphone”, not “microwave rifle”.

    • What’s a “military grade microphone?”

      It’s the one on your CVC helmet that was designed in 1965 and breaks if you look at it cross-eyed.

      I don’t understand why people don’t read “military grade” or “milspec” as – designed for use by a 6th grader, low cost production and made by the lowest bidder.

  2. Lol we are so laZy in this day and age we try to outsource our own protection. Self responsibility has died

  3. Yeah, had the same thoughts. Stupid commercial. Like anyone with real intent would be dissuaded from evil action by the disembodied voice shouting at them. And then you have the homeowner? “Get out of my house!” No way, not me. I’d have my 870 or my Glock in hand for certain. Likely never would have gone downstairs for a confrontation. Would have secured my family and taken up a defensive position if possible. Anyway, I agree, this is an irresponsible commercial and if you think an alarm system will save your life like this, you’re crazy. I’m not saying they don’t help, they prevent you from having to dial 911 yourself especially in a situation where you may not be able to, of course fire safety is a big plus too, but that’s about it.


    • For just $10/month more, the Platinum level service plan includes the sound of a 12 gauge pump shotgun being racked in addition to the sound of the operator’s feeble demands.

  4. You forgot the part where the NSA hacks the system to continually record the homeowners conversations.

  5. Uh oh… Better buy this system while we can before the government bans military style microphones. Because military style microphones shouldn’t be on our streets.

    And I love how the tool in the video proclaims this system will make you “feel” safe. You’ll feel safe right up to the point the armed NA guy busts in your home and you start talking to a person making minimum wage, with a computer that crashes… Or better yet an operator who is taking the call from India.

    • We must enact common sense microphone legislation before another tragic event happens! We must do it for the children!

    • I have a military microphone because I cannot carry around a cop with a military microphone all the time.

  6. They didn’t show the knifing, shooting, beating, and raping because they think home invaders are basically good people who are a little misguided/downtrodden and just looking for some food — so of course such people would never become violent.

    People of that mindset amaze me when they entrust their well being to the graces of a criminal … whose very actions concretely demonstrate beyond any doubt that they are neither trustworthy nor gracious!

  7. An alarm system is a useful tool but simply relying on your monitoring service to protect is indeed very foolish. It is probably further delays the police response. The alarm monitor doesn’t instantly call the police when he sees the alert. If they did that the cops would never pay attention to them because of all the false alarms. The first thing they are going to do is call you to see if the alarm is real. If you don’t answer they still may not call the cops. They may send one of their own cars to see if everything is ok. You are much better going VFR direct to 911 even if you have an alarm system.

    I remember an ADT commerical that has a guy kicking in the door and triggering the alarm. The center immediately called the client, represented by a young wife with a baby to see what was going on. She says “someone broke in the house but everything is now OK.” In my version of the commerical she is holding her 1911 and saying “better send the bus cuz the guy is bleeding out on the floor and messing up my may expensive carpet.”

    Personally, I will rely on my dogs. They light off when anyone approaches the house even when they appear to be asleep. The other advantage that dogs give you over the alarm system is if the perp is foolish enough to break in after hearing two large dogs go beserk he will be very distracted by their presense once he is in the house. It gives you the edge when it comes to the use of force.

    • Bonus points to tdiinva for the “VFR Direct” reference. I like “see and avoid” better than “blindly accept vectors and hope the controller is on top of things.”

    • Well, while reading these posts, I heard a really unusual thump in my home that isn’t the type of sound our pets are capable of making (as far as I can imagine anyway). Did I call the po-po? Nope. My dog wasn’t barking (although she did make one short, quiet, low pitched growl). And my home is small so it is fast/easy to check it out … which I did with firearm in hand.

      Home carry people, home carry.

      And for night time events, keep a loaded handgun or long gun on a shelf mounted to the wall, close to the ceiling, and above your bed. It is available for instant access and no small children are going to grab it without jumping up and down on your bed … which would wake you up of course.

  8. Next time I’m invaded by albinos wearing black stocking caps I want to have this system as a back-up

  9. My home security system is HAL-9000. He’s a great little program, but you have to cover your mouth when discussing personal business.


  10. Nothing wrong with a decent door alarm, but people need to understand the intended function- it’s just like the one with the clock on your nightstand, it’s purpose is to get your dozy ass up to face whatever bullshit the day’s got in store for you.
    Just like you can’t tell your alarm clock to call your boss and tell him to f**k off, you shouldn’t expect your alarm to shout at an intruder and make him leave.

  11. CPI monitoring isn’t a bad gig. Most days we just look forward to seeing mrs. homeowner “on top” from the bedroom cam.

  12. 3rd party surveillance of your home is pretty f’ing stupid, in a world awash with stupidity its probably the dumbest thing you can do.

    If you shoot the intruder CPI will turn the video over to authorities to determine if YOU did anything illegal, like maybe having an unregistered handgun, etc….

    Install your own surveillance system, keep the DVR in a lockbox in your closet, that way you can be in control of if and when the cops get to look at it after the incident.

  13. Why is the bad guy always white in these commercials. One would think is the age of diversity some other races could be better represented. Where’s Jesse Jackson?

    • The theory goes, “no one will make a big, ugly, publicity-driven scene if our bad-guy is a young white dude.”

      Wanna see ’em squirm and scramble at Damage Control Central? MAKE AN UGLY SCENE! They’ll be reduced to depicting reptoid aliens, because young white guys was all that was left!

      • Not true. They could use women. Why are the only women in these videos the victims? I wanna see a ’70 year old Grandma suffering from dementia start blasting up the house with a shotty after she rams through the front door in her Caddy and have the African American single dad protecting his bi-racial children from her with his Glock!

    • They’re probably over playing the white guy now because for generations the bad guys in hollywood productions were minorities. If you were a black or latino acter then you had to be able to speak ghetto and flourish a switchblade right before a middle aged white guy shot you.

  14. My alarm system has 24 paws. 3 GSD’s, a Black Lab, a Blue Tick and a Weenie dog. They have their own version of “GET OUT OF MY HOUSE”

  15. “Sir, the police are on their way.”
    “Tell them to bring the coroner with them. Oh, and can you call ServPro for me? There’s one hell of a mess in my foyer.”

  16. Y’know, as an alarm person I get really p¡ssed with these commercials for omnipotent alarm systems.

    Two-way voice takes about 30 seconds to come on, and is really good for “fallen down and can’t getup” scenarios, but that’s it.

    Further, the only parts of an alarm system that’re life safety are smoke detectors and medical panics.

    A good surveillance system can help identify the c0ckl¡cker once he’s found, but over the ‘net cameras have severe limitations. Point-and-click “ISPs” are not much on upload bandwidth.

    An intrusion detection system is for notifying one to grab a weapon (if at home) or to rush home and draw before entering. And to call police, firefighters et cetera.

    An outside siren (mandatory with my company) helps get neighbors involved, which is good.

    Alarms are a good thing – like seat belts – but are not the end all, be all.

    Damned pl0nkers give an honest alarm dude like me a bad name.

  17. Relying exclusively on an alarm system for home security is like pumping an unloaded 12-gauge to scare off an intruder.

  18. I view all these security co,s as a scam or better put, they find out who has the good stuff, pass that information on, the bad guys always knows who to hit and what they have , NEVER give any information out over the phone, the internet, or even in mail…WHY? if you do not personally know them ! IT’S A SCAM… ANY sounds in the night or day my 357 mag. is in hand and 12 GA, pump (10 round tube) is close by and ready that is REAL SECURITY… In the past I had a security system and took pics. of the guy who did stuff to my truck ……. LONG story short the judge did not accept it… the courts are another JOKE… You are on your own for security and safety..and as i said in another post about 911 and the police not working too…..

    • That’s why I wired my own. The electronic alarm is only meant to supplement the dog. Either way, those are just “alarms”. I or the wife take action from there, even if that action is hunker down and put a gun on the fatal funnel until the cops get there.

  19. Guy in the blue shirt and kakis casually strolls into room where BG is standing looking a bit confused at the CPI Mystery voice and sez, “Pretty intimidating, isn’t it?” to BG.

    BG:”Fvck no a$$hat!” and bashes the “homeowner’s” head in with that steel pry bar he’s got in his hand.

    Check this out for a more real life scenario:
    High Cap Magazine PSA

  20. Many years ago, my kids were still in diapers and I was still married to their mother, we lived in a 2 story house. My x and I slept in one room and the boys in another. Well past midnight we awoke to the sound of breaking glass. I grabbed my shotgun and moved to the head of the stairs while my wife grabbed babies and retreated to our room. Once back in the room she called the police.

    I waited a moment and then racked the action on the shotgun. Yes, the chamber was empty, I had toddlers in the house. I heard movement downstairs and then silence.

    When the police got there, about 10 minutes after my wifes call we checked the house out. 1 broken side window away from the street and the part that was really spooky, whoever it was had taken a piece of scrap lumber and blocked the rear door from the outside. Anybody attempting to leave the house that way would be blocked.

    The police never found who it was. I am to this day convinced that had I not made a show of force by racking that shotgun I would have had to use it against person or persons unknown in a firefight with my toddlers 1 room behind me.

    Yes, get an alarm system for your house. But back it up with a solid gun also.

  21. We have to understand that the system is BROKE, never call 911,the police,or security , say nothing , BUT have the phone no. of a good lawyer let him make all the calls and do the talking, WHY?? What he say does not count in court,(may or may not be hear say) BUT anything you say to 911,the police or security will ALL BE USED AGAINST YOU.. SAY not a word. THAT is your RIGHT, and tell Family to do the same, I you think this is not true?, Watch the Zimmerman trail . EVERY word he said will be used AGAINST HIM….

  22. There’s only 1 difference between 911 and 1911. I’ll choose the bigger number first.

    • Carp, now you have done it. You opened the 1911 can. The 1911 haters will start showing up in 3, 2, 1…

  23. That ADT commercial that has the mom and daughter walk in on an intruder bugs the hell out of me, too. The prep had all the cards, and the woman and daughter clearly are deer in the headlights froze and surprised. If you are a crook, don’t take much off a leap from burglary to worse if you got the upper .hand

  24. I have an alarm system, but I basically consider it an electronic dog. Its job is to wake me up if something is amiss. It’s on me to handle it.

  25. Yeh, worked at an alarm company. Here is a typical scenario. First, the alarm has to dial the alarm company and begin transmitting. On an average day, that will take 30 to 45 seconds. Then, the alarm is placed in a queue waiting for the first available alarm monitor to handle the alarm, which will easily take 2 to 5 minutes on an average day. The alarm monitor, who is often paid minimum wage, reads the instructions, which takes another 20 seconds. If the alarm has audio, the alarm monitor listens for about 15 to 30 seconds, and then tries to ask for a password. If someone yells for help, a call is made to the police, which will take 1 to 3 minute. The police will put the call on their queue, and police will get dispatch a few minutes later. If no one responds to the alarm monitor, which would be likely, they then call Responsible Parties (friends and family) to see if they can go to the house to see if everything is okay, which can take several minutes to 30 minutes. If no RPs are available, they call the police. Since most cities and counties have been inundated with false alarms from cheap alarm systems, the call will get a low priority. It can easily take 30 minutes before a police officer has time to drive by the house. Oh, and while your alarm system is connected to the alarm center, your phone line is locked up. Believe me when I say that most people are better off with a cell phone, firearm, and a room to fall back to.

    • It’s all in the monitoring center, programming and special instructions.

      With my systems, I use no delays (other than e/e) and SIA reporting to a local station – ususally ten seconds, and fifteen if you were on the ‘phone and it had to hang you up. The call to cops, fire, EMS or what have you is an automatic, computer-to-computer communication.

      The monitoring center then dials the residence, additional contacts et cetera in order to find out whether to cancel the already-called-in dispatch.

      I’ve had days when the cops showed up 45 seconds following a duress, and days when they never showed, but my alarms themselves work.

      Also, if you get burglarized (in other words, your not at home – otherwise it’s robbery) it’s nice to know about it before you walk in on the creep(s) all unawares. That, and monitored heats/smokes are their own reward.

    • I believe I said this earlier in the day. You will get a faster response from your local police with a direct call to 911.

  26. My parents have this. I hate it. They have the camera in the house. The other night I accidentally triggered the alarm.
    But you know me…

    So I’m house sitting and… I hear a voice and a light alarm system noise. I have no idea what’s going on. voices in the living room near the front door, alarm sounds… Grab the AR next to my bed. Forget about the camera.

    100% positive the CPI guys have me on camera clearing the house pieing corners and kicking the surefire on and off then disabling the alarm system…

    Lemme tell you… My AR is security. Some all seeing entity at the other end of a web can ain’t gonna stop squat.

    • I should note that here, in Venice Beach, it’s more than likely that the intruders are armed, and in rolling in packs of 2 or more. It seems a lot of them come from whats left of the Ghetto By The Sea. 6th and brooks, “oakwood crew,” Shoreline Crips and V13(MS1 off shoot). Not good people, and definitely armed to the hilt.

  27. In any other country you guys would be undergoing psychiatric treatment for your extreme paranoia.

    Don’t bother replying. I know I’m wasting my breath.

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