Franklin Armory toilet paper trigger
Courtesy Franklin Armory
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If you’ve been to your local grocery store recently, you probably had problems finding some must-have items like hand sanitizer, disinfectant and, yes, toilet paper. Then there’s the problem paying for whatever you were able to find.

This was the checkout line at my local store in south Austin at 8:30 this morning:

grocery store line austin HEB
Dan Z for TTAG

It started at the back of the store near the bakery and snaked its way around to the front. There were probably 75 people in that line (there was another just as long). The store still had a little TP left, but not much.

If you’re one of those who’s been caught short and you’re still on the hunt for bathroom tissue, don’t worry, Franklin Armory has you covered. They’re here to help in these difficult times and will be more than happy to send you an emergency supply of “survivalist/MRE grade toilet paper” for the low, low price of only $386.99.

Yes, that’s rather expensive, but the laws of supply and demand aren’t repealed during an emergency.

The good news: they’ll also throw in a free BFSIII AR-C1 binary trigger for your AR-15 rifle (regular price for the trigger only: $429.99).

Franklin armory binary trigger
Courtesy Franklin Armory

The bad news: supplies are limited and the toilet paper is going fast. Oh, and it probably isn’t as soft as you’re used to using. On the plus side, as Franklin says, their TP is . . .

*Splinter Free

*Better that using tree bark or poison oak

*Easily concealable (perfect for EDC)

*Single Ply

*More hygienic than using your bare hand

*Not even remotely waterproof

*Decomposes naturally

*Doubles as a fire starter (when dry)

*May save your socks in case of “field defecation” emergencies

Order yours while supplies last.

Other gun companies have jumped in on the toilet paper promos, too. Probably the beginning of a growing, but hopefully fleeting, trend.

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  1. Wait, which one is free? You’re getting me all mixed up. Is it cheaper if I only want two rolls of toilet paper and no trigger?

  2. Toilet paper, the best thing since the good ol’ Sears catalog. The index sheet, not the glossy picture ones…

  3. Those long lines at WallyWorld are SOP any more. WM never has more than 2 cashiers working.30 minutes minimum to get checked out during low customer shopping times. They want you to self check by doing the work of cashier as a non-compensated employee……NOT. I wouldn’t have worked a WM for a paycheck. Certainly not for free. I can go into a local store and be out in no time. May cost a little more, but money is a renewable resource….heartbeats not. Also, I’ve quit shopping there after they PC signaled by dropping handgun and AR ammo, my family refused to Christmas shop there. Probably over $10K with all the adult gift buyers. If I have to go elsewhere for the handgun and AR ammo, I’ll just buy all my ammo elsewhere where the Second Amendment means something. Encourage every one to follow.

    • Well, you are paying either way.

      You can pay in time and money for a cashier to check you out, or you can pay in labor to save time by checking yourself out.

      You are not giving them free labor, you are just deciding which way you want to pay, in time and money, or in labor.

    • I’m so glad you commented here; I’ve been wondering what you thought of all this. Please, do keep us informed.

  4. BREAKING NEWS!!! Barnes and Noble are offering toilet paper alternate for $0.98. Book titled….Hillary Rodam Clinton. Uh, may be previously used….obviously full of shit.

    • Yeah, except that one was written by a successful billionaire, the other by a woman who never did an honest day’s work in her life.

      • Well to be fair killary is quite rich now. Cashing in on your political influence is a lot easier than building things. I still respect Trump for at least employing people and actually helping build things. The only thing a Clinton has built is a killer death list and taxpayer funded flat ass groups.

  5. “The bad news: supplies are limited and the toilet paper is going fast.”

    Even more bad news : that binary trigger is a felony in Florida…

    • …and also banned in the People’s Republic of New Jersey. Although you could tell the judge,
      “But Your Honor, I was only trying to buy toilet paper! I had no idea they would ship it with this trigger-thingamajig that makes gun haters wet their pants with fear!”

  6. Avoid the TP blues and do like the ancient Romans did – get a roundish sponge (about softball size), attach a stick to it, and let it soak clean between uses. They really did this!
    Having used C-ration shitpaper for a year (probably the same stuff found in MREs) in SE Asia (68-69), I can vouch for the fact that it is not your average 2-ply soft quilted stuff, but it will do the job (although it may be a little rough on your ‘rhoids). And when you get Montezuma’s revenge, you can never have enough. When I was in SE Asia, banana leaves (or even a handful of long grass) were an acceptable substitute at such times.
    Or, you could save TP by doing it the USMC way in times of shortage: Take one square of TP, fold it in half and fold it in half again. Then rip off the corner (save) and unfold. Stick your educated finger through the hole and wipe your bung-hole, then use the surrounding TP to wipe your finger. Use the saved ripped-off corner of the TP to clean your fingernail. A roll of TP lasts a long time using this method. During SHTF times, you want that.

    • Every bathroom in my house has a shower in it.

      That’s my TP shortage solution… 🙂

  7. 1. People’s Republic of M Assachusetts is in a state of emergency.
    2. Same issue, most Wal-Mart stores out of toilet paper, paper towels, Spaghetti/sauce, can goods, soaps and disinfectants.
    3. Seams like a practice run 🏃 if Demo-Commie/Bernie Sanders wins the election. (Re: Venzula USA.)
    4. No NEED to worry about rovering bands of violent infected peasents. The Police State of M Assachusetts (STASI= Local/City/State), has YOUR 2nd Amendment (privilege) so well protected that a US/MA resident CAN’T exercise it…Just remember to dial 911, CAN’T take the “law into YOUR own hands! Just call the Commie PO-PO gang, after THEIR done beating grandma for possession of knitting needles without a LTC/FID…May NOT issue state. (Re: Ranked no.# 49 worst state for 2nd Amendment infringements.)
    5. National guard has set up Quarantine Areas across M Assachusetts. With food stations.
    6. Most Major Public and Private schools closed till further notice….
    7. Most major businesses stated THEY will be offering Emergency Sick time for employees exposed to COVID-19. No fault 2 weeks with pay. Or extend till 26 weeks if quarantined.

    • You forgot the mention our bunch of dick bags that run the commie state into the ground on a daily basis. The fake Indian, Tall Deval, Drunk Marty. What a crew.


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