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And our readers think we’re breast obsessed. Frequent flyers will be happy to know that our vigilant, safety-conscious friends manning the TSA “security” checkpoints at DFW have been been particularly thorough lately. At least they have been when screening women. According to a story by, plenty of complaints have been filed by females subjected to multiple screenings – not to mention barely concealed winks and elbows – while TSA’s finest get the scans juuust right. And at least one female TSA agent didn’t mind pimping for the guys in the dark room leering at the screens . . .

When Ellen Terrell and her husband, Charlie, flew out of DFW Airport several months ago, Terrell says she was surprised by a question a female TSA agent asked her. “She says to me, ‘Do you play tennis?’ And I said, ‘Why?’ She said, ‘You just have such a cute figure.’”

Terrell says she walked into the body scanner which creates an image that a TSA agent in another room reviews. Terrell says she tried to leave, but the female agent stopped her. “She says, ‘Wait, we didn’t get it,’” recalls Terrell, who claims the TSA agent sent her back a second time and even a third. But that wasn’t good enough.

After the third time, Terrell says even the agent seemed frustrated with her co-workers in the other room. “She’s talking into her microphone and she says, ‘Guys, it is not blurry, I’m letting her go. Come on out.’”

We don’t know for sure, but it seems a safe bet that the more Rubenesque, non-tennis playing female travelers probably haven’t been subjected to the same level of heightened scrutiny as the, um, athleticly-built types such as Mrs. Terrell. The boys in the back probably don’t have nearly as much trouble getting their scans focused in one take if the subject wears a size 14 or larger. Of course, the less shapely also avoid double and triple exposures to God-knows-how-much radiation the scanning machines generate, too.

The silly, useless and time consuming security theater that the Transportation Security Agency performs on a daily basis continues to wear on the traveling public. Sure there are benefits if you happen to be one of the TSA’s designated feeler uppers such as not having to worry about gross violations of security procedures affecting their job status. But the rest of us have to live with the delays, the inconvenience, the groping and the incremental rem loads.

But what the hell. It’s only tax money and our betters at DHS get to say they’re doing something about airline security. Never mind that flying would be a lot safer if pilots (not to mention the cabin crew) were allowed to pack heat in airports as well as in cockpits. And don’t get us started on letting CCW-licensed passengers carry on planes. But that would mean dismantling an entire federal bureaucracy and you’ll sooner glance out your window and see a porcine formation of winged escorts cruising along at 35,000 feet alongside your Dreamliner than a brace of TSA agents being shown the door.

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  1. There is nothing erotic about the scanned image. After seeing a dozen scanned images of some hot looking women so what would be the interest or voyeuristic value in getting multiple scans?

    • Hey, some people juggle geese. There are a LOT of kinks stranger than a fondness forfor X-ray s out there, trust me.

      • Just like every other image based technology, these will become higher in definition with each upgrade. Look at the image quality on TV’s, camcorders, security cameras, even cell-phone cameras have above 8Mp capability.
        It’s a grainy image today, tomorrow it will be twice as sharp.

  2. I’m thinking I need to hit up Anonymous and ask them to put their hacking skills to good use and release a list of the names and addresses of all TSA employees. Maybe if some of their victims passengers could have a chat with them without the terrorists police present, they might be able to explain to the TSA the error of their ways.

  3. I always choose glove over x-ray. If I gotta pay to have somebody look at my wang to fly, I want full service. The creepier and more difficult we make it for them, the sooner we can get to a better way.

    When the price goes to $25, I’ll start going commando with a defective zipper.

    • It gets more and more annoying to remove belt and all we men carry in our pockets. Each time I get the urge just to drop trou as is in the basked and walk thru in my undies. Not that I have much to impress anyone with, just to start a trend….

      • TMI alert. If you’re squeamish about human male reproductive biology, look away now.

        Remember that the human penis has evolved for one central purpose: to hoover-out another’s man’s sperm (repetitive thrusting not optional). Testicle size is a far more significant determinant of male psychology, stamina and all sorts of other important attributes. To bring it back to guns, look around the range sometime and see how many of the male shooters are bald/balding or have receding hair lines. That’s a sign of high testosterone levels. Which can get you killed (engender behavior that ‘s too aggressive/dangerous for the environment). But that’s a post for another day . . .

  4. It’s sheeple training, pure and simple. People who want to do bad things to airplanes will find a way, eventually. TSA is about compliance with petty government authority.

  5. Disgusting. Totally disrespectful to our basic privacy rights, totally illegal and unconstitutional, and disrespectful to women. Don’t fly. Let the airlines go bankrupt. Every time you patronize this police state you reward it. How would you feel if your wife or daughter was being turned into pornography for the scumbags with “tsa” on their shirts. This isn’t america. The nazis undressed the jews to humiliate them. They herded them. Put on a yellow star of david when you go through the Reich’s scanners.

  6. “God-knows-how-much radiation the scanning machines generate”

    I don’t like the full body scanners so much. Not a huge fan. But gripes about radiation levels have always been unfounded. Every person in the world is bombarded by different forms of radiation constantly of a variety of different sources. So what about the radiation exposure from the full body scanners?

    Well, it is equivalent to the level of exposure of a few minutes of airplane travel. NASA has done a lot of research on radiation exposure in the context of space and high altitude travel. This information has trickled down to commercial flight ceilings. Airplane are built to block a lot of radiation, but not all of it. So don’t worry. I’m not a NASA scientist or radiation researcher, and I don’t play one on TV. But I am a little nerdy and the son of NASA scientist and radiation/cancer researcher.

    • >But gripes about radiation levels have always been unfounded.


      Different types of radiation penetrate the body differently. The dose of these scanners is based on the standards developed for x-ray imaging which penetrates the body and is thus more uniformly distributed throughout the tissue.

      The radiation dose from these scanners is concentrated in the skin (hence the different type of image), for which the effects are not well studied. Moreover, there are several different scanning technologies currently deployed, each with different wavelengths and penetration depths.

      They will likely prove to be harmless (for the majority of the population), but to say concerns about the effects of these types of machines are unfounded is not yet a valid statement. Privacy concerns aside, we should also not have to submit to being guinea pigs for such a coarsely administered experiment.

  7. I’d like to decline the machine, then make happy sounds when the TSA guy gets near the boys. I figure the humiliation should go both ways!

  8. Let out a pleasurable sigh as they get past Big Jim and the Twins. Thank them warmly for their care and service. Compliment them on their technique.

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