This apparently is what passes for hoplophobic humor north of the border.
This blanket policy is disrespectful to responsible gun owners like myself. As a gun enthusiast, I know the name, location, and safe carry practices for all 337 registered firearms on my premises. Each one has a practical use: I hunt with my Remington 700 to supplement my family’s food intake. I carry a sidearm in case some maniac goes off at the Costco, and a backup in case the first sidearm runs out of bullets, or if there is more than one maniac at the Costco. In that instance, I would hold my Beretta Nano in one hand and my Sig P238 in the other, and I would spin around and shoot them real fast like in the Matrix, and it would save the day. And while the Mossberg 500 on my back is always locked and loaded, it’s just for aesthetics. You gotta look good to feel good!
Which leads me to my most important guns: all 98 of my assault weapons. Anyone who says you don’t “need” an AR-15 has clearly never hunted the most dangerous game, which is a phrase I made up to describe the bears that eat my trash. The Doritos have made them dumb, thick, and strong, and I need a military-grade weapon to protect myself from them. And before you ask about bear mace, we found out the hard way that my wife is allergic, so we can’t keep it in the house. My only option here is an AR-15, preferably with a bump stock that enables me to shoot 600 rounds per minute. It’s the only way the bears will respect me.
And what about self-defence? You ever stop a home invasion with only a Glock 26 and a 357 Magnum? That might be enough firepower for a toddler or a large dog, but an adult man needs some heft behind him. In my experience, the man dressed as a garbage collector attempting to steal the rusted-out air conditioner off of your front lawn will just laugh at you and keep going.
– Megan MacKay in But if you take away my assault weapons, I’m just a regular man with hundreds of small guns
