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Image courtesy Government Auctions

Two Alabama men are in custody and one of them is recovering from surgery to his groin region after threatening a homeowner while prowling his property. According to police, Paul Reed and Aaron Lawson were trying to steal scrap metal from a property (not shown) in Marshall County, Alabama. They didn’t take any steel or copper, but Lawson did manage to flee with a small quantity of lead. Unfortunately it was in the form of a rifle bullet shot into his groin, and he won’t even be able to recycle it because it will almost certainly be held as evidence in his upcoming trial . . .

Image: WSMV Nashville

According to WSMV-TV, an unnamed homeowner confronted the pair on December 20th, trespassing on his property in northeast Alabama. The homeowner was carrying a rifle, which turned out to be a good choice because Lawson didn’t take kindly to being asked to leave. He approached the homeowner and threatened to kill him, and that’s when he took a bullet in the crotch.

Lawson and Reed fled, but the police rounded them up quickly; Lawson was found a a hospital in Huntsville and was arrested when he came out of surgery. Reed and Lawson are 25 and 23 years old, respectively, but they look strangely aged in these booking photos. Is that a neck tat on Lawson? I hear that legitimate employers really love prison tats also.

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56 COMMENTS

  2. Aw, the joys of meth. Approach a man armed with a rifle and threaten to kill him over scrap metal. Get shot in the junk yard as a result. You cannot make stuff this good up. Dumbass white boys.

    • What made this funny (in a dark morbid way) is that he was shot in the crotch. Good luck with the ladies (and hospital bills).

    • I’m thinking these two geniuses have a bright future ahead as ATF informants. Or as mattress pads to some 350 lb, very angry man. One of those options, I’m sure.

      • Having worked in a prison, I’m going with mattress pad. Scrap thieves too dumb to steal scrap are not going to know anything worth the feds time.

        • Actually, ATFs favorite targets these days are guys with IQs in the 50s that they can talk into committing stupid crimes or getting stupid tattoos on their necks.

    • To jwm:

      Agreed a dumb pair. But

      Since we / rather YOU thought to use ” dumb ass white boys” in this instance. Let’s conclude we can use dumb ass’ed coons and or Illegal beaners later no matter the image presented?

      • Denny, this ain’t my site. Feel free to comment how you feel. I’ll let the moderators sort it.

        As for my comment, it was a not so subtle poke and or dig at the folks that show up here claiming that only minorities cause or committ crime. Where I come from these 2 lads are what make up most of our criminals. If I was to judge the white race by them(I’m an OFWG) I would be having to judge pretty harshly, wouldn’t I?

        • And meanwhile, back in the real world, black males — who make up 6% of the US population — continue to account for over 50% of US murder victims and over 50% of US murderers.

      • Are you new around here Denny? In case you didn’t know it, jwm is the site’s official “Well Trained White Person”. He’s always the first to chime in and show how Notracist he is by engaging in self denigrating commentary about Caucasians. If you push his buttons right, he’ll launch off into a spiel about how white men have life so easy and have never experienced adversity based on their race. Surely if there is a god in heaven who truly sees all, jwm’s reward in the afterlife will be much greater than that of most, because he ALWAYS says something that proves how Notracist he is, even when no one is looking.

        • Barstow, Facts. Feeling oppressed? Afraid of the scary black man? Being a white male is such a burden in America. You want all the advantages of being black? In America?

          You guys should band together and start your own chapter of a white civil rights group. I’m sure the KKK will endorse you.

          And those crime percentages that people keep throwing around about blacks and other minorities. Where do they come from? Oh yeah, the government that we POTG just love and trust so much.

          I take each man as he comes. I’ve known good and bad in all groups. And I’ve lived in a virtually whites only society. No black men around to committ crimes. Guess what? Crime still happens. You get chuckle heads like the above stepping up to fill the void.

          Robbery, rape, child abuse, murder. I wonder if the victims felt better about it cause the bad guy was the same race?

        • It’s OUR country, and we would have more resources to deal with any criminals and traitors in it if we didn’t have to listen to sick ducks like you and your pet “minorities”.

        • Yes Bob, it’s OUR country. All of ours. Men, women, black, white or otherwise. The constitution, you know that paper that you love to quote about your gun rights, applies to all of us. In all aspects of our life.

          When you move out of the trailer park and look around a little you may find there’s enough room for all of us here. Or not. But Bob don’t get to decide who can and who can’t live here and exercise their rights.

    • That little stunt sure took some balls, didn’t it? Good thing, because he’s exactly the sort who shouldn’t be breeding.

      • Not that I’m saying they will bust his balls or anything; but when he gets to prison he should be able to go by the nickname Nuts, or maybe Numb Nuts.

  6. Give them another 5-6 years on meth and they’ll look 70, have no teeth, more tats, less hair, more scabs, and a way better arrest record.

    Good grief.

  8. Meth, it’s what’s for dinner…or lunch or breakfast or whenever you can get it after stealing and selling scrap.

  10. Good.

    These types of junkies are the scourge of the farm towns in the irrigated west. They go out into fields in the middle of the night and cut the span cables off pivots. They amount of money they get for melting down the copper wire therein? I dunno. Maybe $150.

    What it costs the farmer to replace the span cables for seven towers? Over $1200.

  11. I had some meth-heads break into my house while it was empty and stole the copper. Know who did it but police can’t prove it. Wish they would get this treatment if they break in on someone else. When I move back I don’t think they will give us any trouble.

  12. I’m from Marshall county, Al. My mothers family are the Kennamers that Kennamer cove is named for. I know the families of both of those men. Lets just say the nut doesn’t fall far from the tree.

  13. He’s lucky he’s alive. Forget your dick, there’s something down there called the femoral artery that’s even more important.

    • That’s a choice I would not want to have to make. John Thomas or the femoral artery? What’s the point of living without my best friend?

      • Well on one hand, if you lose one there’s not much point in having the other. But I’m guessing your plastic surgeon will have an easier time making you a new penis than a new femoral artery, especially since he’ll have about 4 minutes from the time of the shooting until it’s too late.

  14. Neck tats mean “the cost if my incarceration will exceed the value of taxes I will pay in my lifetime”.

  16. I just love this site… I have learned a ton and laughed alot whilst reading ya’lls seriously smart and wickedly funny posts.

  17. Do I hear an “honorable mention” in the upcoming 2013 Darwin Awards? Thanks to Natural Selection one loser is removed from the gene pool.

  19. Why can’t the gov just make the crap the druggies are trying to get, and dole it out to them on some kind of prison farm system, where they can make little Chinese trinkets, cheap tools, etc, for their dope, instead of USA buying it from overseas.

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