Weekend Photo Caption Contest – Win Federal Premium Hi-Bird Shotgun Ammo

The winner of last week’s contest was BLAMMO. This week’s champ will receive a box of Federal Premium Hi-Bird 12 gauge shotgun shells courtesy Vista Outdoor. Just enter the best caption for this cartoon by Sunday at midnight.


  1. avatar jwm says:

    Waiting period? But the riot’s just outside. Can’t we do a gun show loophole for me?

    1. avatar Howie Subnick says:

      My wife wants a one way ticket of her choice anywhere. I checked my ammo box and had one 9mm left. Oh well, maybe next time.

      1. avatar Bolt Upright says:

        Salesman: How can I help you?

        Customer: I really want a gun, but not one that could really hurt someone. Just scare them a little.

        Salesman: Well sir, all real guns can be dangerous in the wrong hands. Perhaps you need pepper spray?

        Customer: How about a gun but no bullets?

        Salesman: That’s a fine idea. I recommend this long-barrel Smith and Wesson 500. It will pay for itself in six months through ammo you don’t buy.

        Customer: Wow. Great point. And I’ll take that army-looking rifle on the wall there behind you as well. Thank you so much.

        Salesman: We also have a generous trade-up policy if you decide you need something bigger.

  2. avatar David Morlet says:

    …and that’s why I’m buying the new Gen 5 glock.

  3. avatar Anthony O'Nan says:

    “Yeah my buddy has some full auto M4s we go shoot, he brought them back from when he was in Iraq”

  4. avatar Preston B. says:

    As I told you before, I don’t want a 1911..

    1. avatar Winner, Winner... says:

      …chicken dinner.

  5. avatar The average american says:

    about that p320

  6. avatar Nate says:

    I’ll take what ever pisses off the left the most….

    Give me the scariest bit of black plastic…

  7. avatar FloridaRich says:

    “My wife says I’m stupid. So I need a smart gun to prove her wrong!”

  8. avatar Paul53 says:

    Do you rent ammo?

  9. avatar b72512ga says:

    …and I didn’t check to see if the Glock was unloaded when I pulled the trigger to disassemble it. That’s how I lost my pinky finger.

  10. avatar Gregolas says:

    “But I LOVE finger grooves! Can’t you just sell me the Gen 5 barrel so I can slip it in my Gen 4?”

  11. avatar Madcapp says:

    “Guns are bad, mkay.” You know that’s the best comment, by a long shot.

    1. avatar Ing says:

      So don’t be bad, mkay?

  12. avatar Dutch says:

    What do you mean you don’t have a phased plasma rifle in the 40 watt range?

    1. avatar IdahoBoy says:

      Beat me to it.

    2. avatar BLAMMO says:

      Hey, just what you see, buddy.

    3. avatar Mark says:

      I was so thinking about doing that one too.

  13. avatar Jon in CO says:

    I don’t understand. They told me I could get an automatic rifle here without a background check, since I bought it online. So what’s the problem?

  14. avatar Mr.Savage says:

    but the folks on TTAG said I shouldn’t buy a springfield product, said they didn’t support gun rights, said the xde was just a fancy hi-point, and said I shouldn’t buy a gen5 glock, and said………

  15. avatar Eric TenEyck says:

    “…………..and my wife always checks the receipts to make sure that I am telling the truth about how much I paid, so that’s why I’ll need a second dummy receipt showing that I only spent roughly 1/3 of what I am actually going to buy.”

  16. avatar srirachapocalypse says:

    Yeah I’m a drunk wife beating journalist, but just sell me the damn AR!!

  17. avatar srirachapocalypse says:

    Waiting period?!? I’d kill you if I had my gun.

  18. avatar DaveL says:

    I’m looking for a ghost gun that fires 30 rounds in half a second…

    1. avatar Jon in CO says:

      We all just got DeLeon’d. 30 magazine clips in half a second.

  19. avatar srirachapocalypse says:

    Explain to me the pistol brace thing again?

  20. avatar Dave in WI says:

    No really, I didn’t vote for him…..

  21. avatar Eric TenEyck says:

    “No sir, I am not that reporter you saw on TV last week. I really would like to buy a fully automatic AR-357 magnum assault rifle with a 12 gauge barrel, the one made by Glock. No sir, I’m not him, do I look like the type of person who would do anti-gun news reports outside gun store? Also, I will pay and extra $50 so we can avoid the background . Why no, that doesn’t look like a person holding a TV camera hiding behind that van to me.”

  22. avatar srirachapocalypse says:

    I heard there’s a .9mm now. Gimme that.

  23. avatar Rebecca says:

    My wife just told me she did me a favor by cleaning my S&W29 by running it through the washing machine . Then put it away wet. It was used personally by Clint Eastwood and had his signature inside the grips. It’s so rusted that I can’t even get it out of the holster.

    1. avatar Geoff PR says:

      “Then put it away wet. It was used personally by Clint Eastwood and had his signature inside the grips.”

      If I were on that jury, it’d be justifiable homicide.

      Time served.


  24. avatar IdahoBoy says:

    I need a pistol that fits my hand. No pinkie rest please.

  25. avatar ORCON says:

    I guess it’s a ship of Theseus argument but how many parts CAN you replace on a Glock and still call it a Glock?

  26. avatar Paul Stillings says:

    I work at the gun store across town…..and I just need to talk to someone that knows what they’re talking about….

  27. avatar Shootespeare says:

    Can you point me toward the viagra?

  28. avatar ed says:

    I need the thingie that goes up, half a dozen clipaizens, two bayonets, and a front mounted hand guard.

  29. avatar MLee says:

    You don’t understand, he was in MY bed!

  30. avatar Penetty says:

    It takes three months to get a NJ Permit to Purchase? But I can get a handgun on any corner of Newark in fifteen minutes!

  31. avatar JC says:

    So, you’re telling me you have all these Taurus’s in stock ’cause only real operators use them?

  32. avatar Zach says:

    Well, what does the internet say I should buy?

  33. avatar Full Semi Auto Tactical Butter Knife says:

    I personally don’t think anyone should have guns, but the Antifa group I’m trying to join requires you to have one soooo here I am….

  34. avatar imrambi says:

    Yes, my wife did tell me to buy a gun.

  35. avatar Wilfred says:

    Whaddya mean “these aren’t all Glocks and AK-47’s”? That’s what they said on the news, I know what I’m talking about!

  36. avatar WadeJ says:

    Hello. I am Professor Berkeley. I am conducting sophisticated research. Just give me the facts. How many times per day do these things spontaneously fire? No…ine? OK, I will record it as at least nine times per day.

  37. avatar Hoyden says:

    I need one gun to rule them all my precious

  38. avatar Pliablemoose says:

    ‘I’m from CNN, and I’m here to help.”

  39. avatar Xcom says:

    “…..but CNN said if it didn’t have a wood stock then it was an automatic.”

  40. avatar Larry Cowden says:

    So tell me again: I don’t need the permit for open carry, but concealed carry I do?

  41. avatar Mr. Rogers says:

    … and ever since, it hasn’t been a beautiful day in the neighborhood. So here we are, friends, to learn to protect the neighborhood.

  42. avatar Southerner says:

    Yeah, I read that line on the Federal Premium Hi-Bird shotshell box where it says the “… lead shot is engineered for the optimum blend of hardness and density”. Now, tell me, what does that mean in english?

  43. avatar Jeff says:

    My daughter just started dating this guy and……..

  44. avatar JDH says:

    My wife said I need a new gun. One that doesn’t fire so quick.

  45. avatar Jason Byrne says:

    So, I think my wife is cheating on me.

  46. avatar Special Ed says:


    1. avatar Adub says:

      That’s two people quoting that Simpson’s episode.

      Everyone needs to watch it.

      1. avatar Geoff PR says:

        “The Cartridge Family”

        Season 9, ep. 5

        The shop name – “Bloodbath & Beyond Gun Shop”


        1. avatar Geoff PR says:

          That link above is for the entire episode.

          (I can neither confirm nor deny the existence of any Firefox browser add-ons that allow the downloading of that video to your harddrive in MP4 format. *cough*)

  47. avatar Mike Betts says:

    Yeah, I know that we’re in California and they’re just for display – but can’t you sell me SOMETHING?”

  48. avatar CCDWGUY says:

    Why does every gun shop tell me to buy a J-frame .38 or .357 short barrel revolver when they all know I’ll never shoot it more than once and I’ll never practice with it. Oh, it’s so cute and easy to carry. Nothing but a money suck for the buyer.

    1. avatar Geoff PR says:

      “Nothing but a money suck for the buyer.”

      The ‘money sucks’ in the gun world are guns so damn fun to shoot the only reason you show up for work is for the money to buy more ammo for ’em.

      (On the upside, they keep you off the streets and out of the bars…)

  49. avatar Mike Oregon says:

    ……..so anyway that’s why I need a fake receipt showing that $3500.00 was really $350.00, so would a fifty cover your trouble?

  50. avatar Clay Bennett drew this.. says:

    “I’m looking for something that’s more than irrational but less than psychotic”

    1. avatar Boba Fett says:

      If I had any say (which I don’t), you’d win.

  51. avatar Ing says:

    You say you don’t have any ghost guns… How do I know you’re not hiding one?

    I’m sorry, Mr. DeLeon, but ghosts are invisible. You’ll just have to trust me.

  52. avatar jwm says:

    “Waiting period? What can I get today that’ll kill a man?”

    “Anything in aisle 3.”

  53. avatar Wild West 42 says:

    So, how much extra so the receipt will say what I told my wife I paid?

  54. avatar Swilson says:

    Trust me, not only am I a gun guy, I’m the gun guy. I shill, I mean, write alot of garbage, ah! I mean informative pieces about guns for HuffPo out of my basement..er I mean gun shop in Ware, Mass.

  55. avatar pieslapper says:

    “…so my penis is this big, what sized gun do I need to go with that?”

  56. avatar MMMBacon says:

    …so Caitlyn shows up at the range and keeps staring at my nose!

  57. avatar JB says:

    I just want something that won’t upset everyone.

  58. avatar Anon says:

    “Whaddya got that’s good for some baby-killing?”

  59. avatar Effing Leaf says:

    “I’m looking for the kind of gun that says I support gun control”

  60. avatar Ardis Prickett says:

    Do I look like a democrat?

  61. avatar anonymoose says:

    Do you guys sell boat here, too?

  62. avatar Brandon Riley says:

    No I don’t want a receipt! Not today ISIS not today!

  63. avatar Stu in AZ says:

    If I wanted to kill my mother-in-law… hypothetically speaking…

  64. avatar TheDiabledVetwithaGun says:

    “I want something that says, ‘I am a real manly man.’ but not, ‘I am a crazy man with a gun!’…what do you suggest?”

  65. avatar DanielH says:

    How much paperwork will I need to fill out for that book over there? I hear they are harder to buy than guns.

  66. avatar tmm says:

    …so, I can’t remember what my friend had, but he said Guns & Ammo gave it a full on great review, so naturally I decided to come here…

  67. avatar Larry Goldfinger says:

    How much will the gun be worth after I fire one shot?

  68. avatar Joe R. says:

    I took an arrow to the knee…

  69. avatar Tec's Dad says:

    Can you put a Ruger Mark 2 pistol back together? I loaned it to my brother in-law and he tried to clean it after using it and he couldn’t get it back together…..

    1. avatar Adub says:

      +1 for truth

      I’ve seen so many taken apart and not put back together. Lousy design.

      1. avatar Dyspeptic Gunsmith says:

        They’re trivial to put together. The Ruger Mk I, II and III – pud easy to take apart and put together.

        Want a thrill to detail strip & reassemble? Go get get a M9/Model 92 Beretta (metric roll pins removed to launch springs and detents across the room), or you could try a Model 60 Marlin ((*&*&^ C-clips go off everywhere…)

        A Ruger Mk I, II or III? Nothing goes flying anywhere. They’re pud easy.

        1. avatar Adub says:

          Nothing goes flying, they just get jammed up. If you do a lot of them and follow the steps properly, they aren’t impossible, but they are nowhere near as easy as a gun designed in the last thirty years.

          People clean their guns too much.

  70. avatar Wanderingninja says:

    “Do you think I can conceal that desert eagle under my cardigan?”

  71. avatar jwm says:

    What? A Bernie sticker on my prius means I’m a prohibited person?

    1. avatar Mosinfan says:


  72. avatar kench says:

    I’m looking for a gun that has the shoulder thing that goes up. I think it was called a “barrel shroud”.

  73. avatar Rex says:

    Are you certain? There’s no handgun anywhere that has a premium heated-leather grip to match those in the new Buick lineup?

  74. avatar rob says:

    ….. Now let me tell you about the deer that my grandfather got back in ’76 or was is ’78. (Cut to line building up to people actually wanting to buy a gun)

    Guy:$40 for a brick of 22 shells?! When I was younger I paid .50 cents for 50
    Clerk: and was was the price of gas then?

    let me tell you why NYC need to be its own state

    why isn’t 22lr a good self defense caliber?

  75. avatar tsbhoa.p.jr says:

    “i’d like a black gun with a snuffler, a lever gun with a cake hardened retriever, a pump gun that will ‘slam bang to the moon, alice’, a forty oz. king cobra revolver, a wonderful nine and a flying ashtray made in 1911. oh, some bbq sauce for that last one.”

  76. avatar Tom in NC says:

    “How much for that handgun? That’s ridiculous! I could have bought it for much less than that over at Bert’s gun shop before he went out of business! “

  77. avatar Jeff says:

    I don’t think you understand…. he killed my dog!

  78. avatar Clint Patterson says:

    “I need a gun for my wife.”

  79. avatar Model 31 says:

    Well, I’m headed back to Houston and…

  80. avatar David Kasull says:

    a box of shotgun shells?

  81. avatar Captain Catsup says:

    I’d like to rent a gun and 1 bullet.

  82. avatar Dan says:

    Excuse me, sir. Do you have any guns with a shoulder thing that goes up and fires a 30 magazine clip in half a second?

  83. avatar Doug05 says:

    “Ammo? No, I don’t want to kill anyone – I’ll just point it at the bad guy to scare him away.”

  84. avatar Sir Tri says:

    I am here just for the ammo. I heard guns kill so we can’t have that…

  85. avatar tsbhoa.p.jr says:

    when you hover the cursor over the image you can pretend to pick their noses with the fickle finger of fate.
    fun for some.

  86. avatar TwoJohnsonsAreBetterThanOne says:

    “Do you have a gun that shoots in the left direction?”

  87. avatar Edward Burton says:

    “I’m a libertarian sooo…
    …I’m not sure if I want a gun, or not.”

  88. avatar wildbill says:

    All I want is a gun to protect me but is not offensive or hurt anyone!

  89. avatar BLoving says:

    “These .44 magnum bullets are too expensive.. can I save money if I put two .22s in there instead?”

  90. avatar pieslapper says:

    “So if I hold it sideways that makes it more accurate right?”

  91. avatar Phil LA says:

    I would gladly pay you Tuesday for a Glock 19 Gen 5 today.

  92. avatar Ian Shaw says:

    What do you mean Michael Moore lied in Bowling for Columbine about the bank giving away a rifle the same day for opening up a checking account?

  93. avatar Ian Shaw says:

    I’m telling you, the rug really held the room together and he peed on it!

  94. avatar Phil LA says:

    I’m here because I don’t have the internet and want to spend 10% more than I would at Academy.

  95. avatar M. Atkinson says:

    What? No Federal Premium Hi Bird shot gun shells?, you mean I have to get them all by myself with skill?

  96. avatar Wzrd says:

    I’m getting decorations for my annual neighborhood haunted house. My neighbors all come every year & they’re all super liberal democrats, so I want the scariest gun you have. You know, black with a flash hider, pistol grip, barrel shroud- the shoulder thingy that goes up. One of those “assault rifles”. And don’t forget the 30 caliber clip!

    1. avatar Larry Cowden says:

      Government finally declared ANTIFA and BLM domestic terrorists. I want a rifle that can put them down at a 1K yards and a double stack 1911 please with 5 cases of ammo for each! Oh and throw in a milspec night scope for the rifle! License? I have my ISIS, ANTIFA and BLM licenses right here.

  97. avatar VerendusAudeo says:

    Customer: So do you have an RDB in stock?
    Clerk: …Sir, you’re clearly not familiar with Kel-Tec.

  98. avatar Kirkules says:

    Have you heard about our lord and savior, John Moses Browning?

  99. avatar Kirkules says:

    I’d like a gun for my wife please. I think that’s a fair trade.

  100. avatar tsbhoa.p.jr says:

    ‘yeah, .30- 30 would be ok, but i want to blow ‘it’s’ entire head clean off…”

  101. avatar tsbhoa.p.jr says:

    “my wife has this thing for open carry…”

  102. avatar tsbhoa.p.jr says:

    “so last night a crack whore laughed at my .25…”

  103. avatar Brian says:

    Apparently…. My wife did NOT call you and say I could get it!!!!

  104. avatar Chaps says:

    Really? I don’t need ID to vote!

  105. avatar Brett Richardson says:

    Man: “I heard on the news you taught preschoolers about SKS assault machine guns.”

    Clerk: “You’re from New York aren’t you?”

  106. avatar Robert says:

    Throw in that “Make America Great Again” cap, and you got yourself a deal!.

  107. avatar Gruney says:

    “Hey man, you hooked my cousin up with a sweet HiPoint last week, now they are all sold out? What else do you have that is cheap and reliable?”

    Gun Dealer: “Well, I do have a nice used Jennings over hear. Made in America and chambered in the powerful 380 auto cartridge.”

    “Yeah, looks nice. Give me a box of ammo too”.

    Gun Dealer, after customer leaves: “Another happy customer. That’s why they call me the Firearms Concierge.”

  108. avatar PeterK says:

    You got anything with those bullets that won’t kill people?

  109. avatar Scott says:

    Customer: Do you have any “clips” for a Heckler & Co*k?

    Clerk: *sigh*

  110. avatar Scott says:

    Customer: Do you have those little gunsmith hammers? I would like to “drop test” all of my pistols.

  111. avatar Mansfield Lovell says:

    “But the kid wearing a smock at the big box sporting goods retailer said that I should use only double-aught buckshot for long passing shots at teal!”

  112. avatar Matt in SC says:

    Look at my hand buddy. There’s no way those finger grooves will work. Ya got that Gen 5 in stock yet or not?

  113. avatar Zach says:

    “I just need a phased plasma rifle in the 40 watt range.”

  114. avatar StevenC says:

    “How much for that one, with the muffler thingy on it?”

  115. avatar Mosinfan says:

    So, it doesn’t have any apps, there’s no touch screen, you can’t call anyone with it, and it doesn’t access Facebook. Why the heck do they say it’s a “smart gun?”

  116. avatar Billy Magnuson says:

    Sorry Joe, but your wife just called and said you could ONLY window shop for the next 3 months!

  117. avatar Westkyvet says:

    Now I dunno about you Fred, but my mother in law requires at least a 120mm rifled barrel to put her down. So please just build what I asked.

  118. avatar AaronW says:

    “I’m looking for a shoulder thing that goes up.” (Sotto Vocce): “Preferably without a background check”

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