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A fan went a little crazy with a stun gun at at NFL game on the tenth anniversary of 9/11, attended by former U.S. President George Bush (no less). And so the league hath decreed that all 32 teams will now implement “enhanced” pat-down (EPD) procedures for all fans entering their stadia. For those of you unfamiliar with groping euphemisms, security guards will no longer restrict themselves to waist-up contact. They will know do a full ankle to [large] head pat-down. “The enhanced security procedures recommended by our office . . . will further increase the safety of fans but will require some additional time,” NFL spokesman Brian McCarthy assured. “We encourage fans to come early, enjoy their tailgating tradition, and be patient as they enter the stadium.” Is it worth it? Does the EPD put you off? Before you answer, remember our story about a cop murdered by a patted-down perp who hid a small gun under layers of clothing. OK, go.

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  1. As a season ticket holder, I have the following thoughts:
    1) NFL, we are your customers, not criminals. Remember that. We have other choices.
    2) The crowd in Seattle is different than the crowd in NYC. Let the local team owners decide the level of security that is appropriate.
    3) It was a cowboys fan that smuggled in the taser in week one. Maybe we should ban them (please?)
    4) Worry about the criminals on the field. What security do these convicted criminals have to go through?

  2. Go right ahead, NFL. I no longer travel by air because of this crap and I certainly would NOT subject myself or family to the same abuse at the roving hands of the private sector. I have to fight the TSA at the ballot box. I’ll oppose the NFL with my wallet.

    Did the NFL even consider the public’s enormous contempt for the TSA before announcing this grand decision? My money says this decision will be quickly reversed. A lone tool with a taser isn’t nearly as offensive as a pre-grame molestation.

    TMan, all of your comments are great, but #4 is simply beautiful.

  3. Professional sports is wearing kind of thin. Strikes, lockouts, $60m salaries, millionaires arguing with billionaires, and an overall thug mentality.

    As if $300 tickets weren’t bad enough, this is just another reason not to go to NFL games. Who needs the hassle and inconvenience?

  4. A 90 sec pat down on a woman wearing fitted clothing? seriously? how about using metal detectors wands. We use them at our office and at the court houses. walk through the metal detector, then get wanded (if necessary), then pat down (if necessary). most don’t even get wanded (let alone a pat down), the walk thru detector and xray machine is sufficient 75+% of the time. it’s fast, efficient, and less intrusive.

  5. I’d love to see them try this in Green Bay during a Nov/Dec game. I’ve usually got, as a minimum, around 5 layers of clothing on. Couple that with thousands of people standing in the cold, all who have paid a good deal of money to be there, and you have a recipe for major problems.

  6. Obviously I don’t travel by plane very ofter because I thought that was pretty ridiculous. I have had strip searches that were less invasive that that.

  7. Yeah this one is real simple. I’m a huge NFL fan, but I’m going to be watching from home, where I can have my gun, and I can have food and beer that doesn’t cost as much as a house in Cleveland. (no alcohol and firearms). this is ridiculous and should be protested.

  8. I can’t threaten to boycott them, because I’ve never gone to a pro game and probably never will. We don’t have a stadium here and I hate traveling outside of Alaska without the groping at the airport. With the groping, I won’t be leaving anytime real soon.

  9. Pat-downs aren’t foolproof; Last October I saw a show in Philly with some friends from out of state (NY and OH), and they were patting down everyone who went in the front door. I made it into the venue with a borrowed .380 and a spare mag by utilizing thunderwear borrowed from the same source.

    That said, pat-downs (and blanket defense/freedom-free zones) are idiotic; Perhaps NFL ought to follow the Texas fast-lane model?

  10. Yet another rights-free zone. This is how they do it—one location at a time. First it’s the airports, and then whatever is convenient, over and over again until we’re not talking about rights-free zones anymore, but the small number of places where we still have rights.

    I’ve never been to an NFL game, and if this becomes permanent policy, I never will. Just ask the airlines. They haven’t printed my name on a single boarding pass since the TSA decided everyone needs to be treated like a peasant entering His Majesty’s castle. (And this was back when the big security theater was making everyone walk around barefoot while relieving them of all potable liquids.)

    The “enhanced pat-down” business is along the same lines as “enhanced” interrogations. Cute semantics, but no amount of lipstick will disguise this swine. We’d be better off with one tyrant on a throne than a hundred thousand mini-tyrants everywhere.


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