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Back in the day, your humble correspondent was a skydiver. And then I looked the wrong way at the parachute packer’s supermegainfernohot girlfriend and experienced what’s called a streamer (two facts which may be related). Upon deploying my reserve chute and landing I broke my ankle (as in facing the wrong direction). Eventually, I ended up here, wondering what holster suits armed skydiving. But my peepers protection package is sorted; I’d go with a pair of Boogie Regulators from Smith Elite Optics. That said, even though I consider myself a “tactical athlete,” this twice-divorced gun blogger isn’t all that happy having his Boogie regulated by anyone. Just sayin’ . . .

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  1. 1. Anyone who brings their superhot girlfriend to a drop zone deserves what they get.
    2. I worked as a packer for 5 or 6 years and even though I’m fairly sure I could induce a partial, there are far,far too many variables involved to make that anything less than attempted murder. A nice, snappy off heading opening for the dickhead who thinks his rig takes priority? That might have happened. But to sabotage gear? I just don’t see it.

      • Besides, it’s such a cake job I can’t imagine getting too worked up. We had a big tent with a giant radio, a fridge, a huge hammock usually filled with girls in bikinis and our uniform was a pair of shorts. Not to mention you could easily pocket $500 bucks cash on a busy day, even more if you had a couple reserves to pack after sunset. And girls. Tons of girls, especially after the one two punch of “Point Break” and tandems.

    • Back in 2003 two Marine Riggers were Court Martialed for pre-meditated murder for purposely causing malfunctions that killed 3 and injured 12. The problem with military jumps is that you only have 800 feet (or the rest of your life as we like to say) to deploy your reserve.

      Every time I got issued a parachute (105 times) I checked the log book on the main and reserve so I would know who to haunt if I burned in.

  2. “your humble correspondent was a skydiver”
    — Good for you RF.

    I was once on an Army night jump in winter and everything went wrong. We were told the meet up point was the NE corner of the field and it turned out it was the SW. The winds picked up after our stick went out causing two men to land in trees and a major to be blown so far that he almost collided with a moving train. One man was lost overnight. Another jumper landed on a beer can in his side pocket bursting it open and giving him a huge bruise. The emergency ambulance driver drove the vehicle into a ditch from which he could not drive out of. Your Army in action.

  3. I never had a streamer (thank God) but I did pack a MC1-1B wrong once by attaching the harness to the risers backwards. The ‘chute opened fine but when I looked up the “holes” where in the front, so all the controls were backwards. Needless to say, I had a hell of a time stearing that damn chute, and I ended up landing in a sugarcane field. Then I dragged for a while through the cane field. I had a hard time getting the cape wells open to release the chute from the harness. Got cut up pretty good by the sugar cane leaves. I was 16, and when I got back home my mom damn near pulled teh plug on my fledgling parachutuing career! Looking back on it, the guys who were supposed to have supervising me packing my own chute should have caught the mistake. It surprised me that the Army would not design the linkage system sop that it can’t be installed backwards. Ditto for that leaf spring on teh M-60 MG

  4. As far as eye pro, I use what Uncle Sam issued me, Revision Sawfly. They’re comfortable, no distortion at all, and they work with inserts for us visually impaired types.

  5. Ha ha. You just revealed an ass load about yourself, Robert.

    Did you ever frequent The Herd Boogies in PA in the 90’s? We are so sad. I am an ex-skydiver, twice divorced too. The only malfunctions I’ve had I’ve flat packed myself. The last one was a bag lock I rode to 1K at a state fair demo. Good times, black death.

  6. Very opportune article since I’m finding myself needing a new pair of daily use sunglasses. As mine broke just yesterday. Does anyone have a recommendation for daily use (relatively stylish) sunglasses that can be used on the range and still not bust the budget? TIA

  7. Bryan you should try nemesis safety glasses they are pretty stylish , have different colored lens/frames to choose from and arent expensive (under $10 at my local welding store) and are ansi z87 as well.

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