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From the Associated Press:

A rollerblade-wearing robber skated off into the night after sticking up a Dunkin’ Donuts on Long Island, police said.

Nassau County police said the suspect glided into the Hicksville shop around 7:50 p.m. Friday, bought a cup of coffee and then demanded cash while making it seem like he had a gun under his clothing.

The man got away with an undetermined amount of money and was last seen heading in the direction of a Long Island Rail Road station a few blocks away, police said. The Dunkin’ Donuts clerk wasn’t hurt.

Along with the skates, the suspect was described as wearing a brown Carhartt jacket, blue sweatpants, red beanie cap and — in light of the coronavirus crisis — surgical mask, black rubber gloves, police said.

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  1. Like dude man…Let the mellow donut robber go in peace and ban finger guns…
    Kumbaya…Kumbaya-da yada…Kumbaya.

    • Now! We gotta ban fingers or at least require a permit for nail clipping and limit the length of nails and limit nail painting to no more than once every 60 days. Local finger czars will administer permits after a long finger examination by a certified dermatologists. All performing any finger nail service must be a state licensed and federally registered CFMP(certified finger manicure professional). All persons desiring finger manicure services from any professional are required to have on their person a FML(finger manicure license). Note, FMLs are may only be used in the state of orgin. FML holders can be red flagged if they violate the middle finger statutes or statutes relative fist and the use thereof.

    • “Well, I can’t believe it’s actually happened; someone got robbed by the ‘90s.”

      Well, I saw ‘rollerblades’, and had me an 80’s flashback to some really *good* music, PERFECT for a pandemic lockdown :

      (This is *before* rollerblades, kids…)

  2. I wouldn’t carry anything less than
    9mm. A finger gun is even less powerful than a .22LR. That being said, I wouldn’t volunteer to get shot with one; especially in the eye.

  3. Best headline I’ve read since “Headless Body in Topless Bar” (NY Post) and “Dwarf Rapes Nun, Flees in UFO” (a novel about journalism).

  4. “Oh, that trick never works, Butch!” The only way this perp has balls to do that is he KNOWS there will be no negative response, armed or otherwise.

    • If I was carrying a gun in the most rootin’ tootin’ist state of the union I wouldn’t decide to have a shootout over Dunkin Donuts’ money while they pay me minimum wage to toast bagels.

      • Even as a customer… I mean… what does dunkin donuts have like $60 maybe? Hopefully he got a bakers dozen too. That way he can invest in more meth, and not be hungry.

        • That’s scary stupid. Like attempting a mass shooting at a gun range. Robbing a donut shop…….where all the cops are known to be…..usually. Where were NY’s finest when needed? Not even in a donut shop when you need them. That’s good reason enough to qualify for a carry permit. You are truly on your own out there!!!!

  5. Great description of the perp down to the brands he wears. Race? Can’t print that.
    Must be those Amish up to no good again.

  6. Dude I’m sorry… this rollerblading robber is a legend. For donuts? Fucken right. Anybody that desperate deserves at least a dozen of the good ones.

  7. That reminds me of a story. Years ago a burger joint had an attempted robbery.. The cashier thought the guy was me fckn around. She said she was laughing because I was putting on a good act. The guy left. When she found out it wasn’t me she got scared and her boss the owner “Hippie Dan” put a sawed off double barrel in the kitchen. What a place, What a time


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