So GLOCK rolls-out a new GLOCK and the world goes into shock! Not.
When TTAG published the news that Gen5 had landed, our pageviews barely blipped. Which is a bit odd, given that GLOCK-brand GLOCKs are America’s favorite GLOCK and TTAG is America’s favorite firearms blog. I have two theories why Gaston’s gat wasn’t all that (and a bag of chips, as the Brits are wont to say) . . .
First, GLOCKs are boring. Really, really boring. Boring like IBM back in the day, when boring employees in boring white shirts did their best to make computers seem boring to millions of risk-averse customers. IBM’s unofficial motto said it all: “no one ever got fired for buying an IBM.” Which is the long form of GLOCK’s current motto: “CONFIDENCE.”
Note the lack of a BLACKHAWK!-like exclamation mark after GLOCK’s one-word raison d’etre. GLOCK sells a quieter kind of confidence: the confidence that comes from not buying the wrong gun. (Just like the confidence that came from not buying the wrong computer.) No matter how boring that gun may be.
In fact, boredom is GLOCK’s main selling point.
GLOCKs look boring; they’re a generic soap bar of a gun. And no matter what pistol you choose it’s basically the exact same gun in a different size. (Didn’t see that one coming!) GLOCK’s most popular pistols are sold in the most popular (i.e. boring) calibers: 9mm, .40, .45. Even the handgun’s controls are boring; they look exactly as you expect them to look, placed exactly where you’d expect them to be, doing exactly what you expect them to do. Every. Damn. Time.
Yes, there is that. Let’s not forget: GLOCK’s legendarily boringly reliability is the ultimate assurance that I DIDN’T BUY THE WRONG GUN!
So when the average GLOCK buyer hears about the Gen5’s mechanical upgrades and design changes, as Yoda might say, one whit care they don’t. As I’ve pointed out to GLOCK PR peeps (maintaining the kind of cordial relationship that explains TTAG’s missing invitation to the Gen5 junket) your average GLOCK buyer thinks flared magwell was a 70’s nightclub singer.
And the only place they’re gonna hear about Gen5 is down at their local gun store, where some overly-enthusiastic salesman will tell OFWGs that the Marksman Barrel’s smaller crown provides a tighter fit for projectiles. Tempting said OFWGs to make a non-PC off-color remark while doing little to convince them to trade old faithful for a new faithful.
OK, I’m joking. I’m sure GLOCK has plenty of younger buyers, if only because OFWGs are dropping like flies and GLOCK sales aren’t. But that’s why no significant traffic spike for the GLOCK unveil: GLOCKs are so boring even their fans are bored. Boring? Whatever.
As promised, I have a second theory: guns in general have become boring.
Not to us behind the scenes, obviously. We love guns SO MUCH we’re happy to write a Random Thoughts post in the middle of a hurricane. But boring to y’all, because there’s no real danger involved.
TTAG’s resident war hero Jon Wayne Taylor’s told me (repeatedly), there can be no adventure without the reasonable expectation of death. (A Hemingway misquote, but as good a Hemingway misquote as you’ll find. On this website. Today.) As someone who wonders why he didn’t die in a flaming car wreck whilst racing a BMW Alpina at 200 mph on a public road while driving a rented Mercedes SL, I declare Jon’s insight entirely true — and the entire reason he’ll never drive my AMG GT-C.
I’m sure I had a point here…. Oh right.
Guns aren’t fun/interesting because we’re getting out of the habit of worrying about jackbooted thugs breaking down our doors to confiscate our guns and throw us in a FEMA camp or Holiday Inn Express (whichever’s closest). Think about it: if something is illicit or endangered, it’s dangerous! Exotic! Exciting! Interesting! If it’s easily available, meh.
I’m kinda joking, only not. Guns are way too mainstream, too well-made and reliable, to give a damn about GLOCK’s improvements to its previous GLOCK. The political climate is too calm. If you like your GLOCK, you can keep your GLOCK! Of course that could all change quickly . . .
If Democrats end the Trump era to create a federal government dedicated to the party’s current platform — which pisses on gun rights from a great height — gun ownership “excitement” could return. To the point where we’ll long for the good old days when nobody cared about the GLOCK Gen5. Right?