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By de facto

Good afternoon fellow citizen, allow me to introduce myself. I’m your local representative for the Committee of Public Safety, or CPS, and I am committed to creating a safe environment for all members of our community. In light of that, I’m here to talk about your guns. I’ve received reports from concerned citizens indicating that you have an extensive gun collection. As much as I respect the Second Amendment, I need you to turn in your “sporting rifles” . . .

Our government can only allow private ownership of guns used for legitimate sporting purposes – not weapons of mass murder. It’s too dangerous for these weapons to be out there. You can appreciate that, can’t you? Besides, if you work with us and voluntarily turn in your military grade weapons, you’ll be able to keep your hunting rifles and shotguns. After all, the CPS respects the spirit of the Second Amendment and America’s great hunting tradition.


Hello again fellow citizen. Just wanted to stop in and thank you for your willingness to embrace our common sense reforms. Thanks to your help, we’ve substantially reduced the chance of a military grade weapon being used for a mass shooting.

Unfortunately, we’re far from safe. Military Rifles may be off the streets and out of the reach of potential spree shooters, but statistics show that pistols are still the weapon of choice for criminal acts. Pistols by far account for the most individual murders. While it is acknowledged that handguns are included in the great sporting and hunting tradition of the 2nd amendment (and we respect that) does it really include semi automatic pistols designed for military use and able to accept high capacity magazines? The majority of Americans support this anti-crime measure, and we’re sure it will have a tremendous impact in crime prevention.

We also need you to turn in any shotguns that use a magazine. After the navy yard incident, we can’t be too careful. A double barreled shotgun should be more than enough for home defense. You’re only supposed to be trying to scare intruders off anyway.

Thanks again citizen, we appreciate you trying so hard to understand our point of view and your commitment to the safety of our community and our children. Have a safe hunting season!


Good evening sir; my title has changed since my last visit. I’m now part of the violence and pre-crime division of CPS. I’m here to talk about your hunting arms. Recent legislation has defined semi-automatics and bolt actions as weapons of destruction. Most mass shootings have used semiautomatics, and we no longer recognize the right of any individual to own any such arms. As for bolt actions, most of them are very similar to military weapons that were used in various wars during the 20th century. Those weapons have caused millions of deaths, and numerous assassinations. You must agree these represent too great a danger for us to leave them in the hands of ordinary citizens. Besides, it’s not really fair to the animals for you to use such powerful long range weapons. It’s not really in the great hunting and sporting tradition of the Second Amendment.

You can surrender them now or surrender them when the weapons disposal team makes their inspection in a week or two. Additionally, you are expected to take a Mental Health Exam. As part of a violence prevention measure anyone who owns or has owned firearms is being asked to see a state psychiatrist; for their own safety. Can’t be too careful.

You have a nice evening, I’ll be checking in every now and then.


Good morning. Sorry about your front door-the higher ups decided surprise would be the best way to avoid violence during this transition. Since you and I go way back, I wanted to be here to personally break the news to you. It’s 3AM and we have more stops to make, so I’ll keep this brief.

In a prior visit I specified that military grade weapons needed to be turned in. Our registration records show that you have Civil and Revolutionary War era military grade weapons, as well as “antiques” – a “western style” lever action rifle, shotgun and revolver. You have ignored repeated requests to surrender them, citing your “right” to own them.

Unfortunately, just after midnight your representatives voted to classify all firearms as weapons of Terror and Destruction. Ownership of any such items is a class A Felony. In addition, the Center for Psychiatric Rehabilitation has declared anyone who owns weapons of terror and destruction as mentally unbalanced, representing a clear and present danger to the community.

I’m going to ask you to quietly follow me and these fine gentlemen from the State Rehabilitation Ward. In a few years, we hope you’ll be ready to rejoin society.

I’m sorry it had to be this way.

I remain your humble servant, committed to the cause of Public Safety.

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  1. 28 weeks later……

    “Premier Clinton III has appointed Comrade De Facto to the high honor of Education Comissar.After twenty six years of dilligent service in the Ministry of Public Safety ,before it was reformed after the cultural revolution, he knows the risks modern society poses to our next generation.De Factos duties in the Education Ministry will ensure every young Comrade knows the evils of capitalism and firearms ownership.

    For Statecom Media, Winston Trotsky.”

  2. Love this:

    “pre-crime division”

    Say this in your best Hal 9000 voice:

    “I remain your humble servant, committed to the cause of Public Safety”

    • We are Borg. Rights are irrelevant. Constitution is irrelevant. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.

        • “What should we do with the body?” “It is only an empty shell, dispose of it as you see fit”. Gotta love them wrinkly headed space vikings

        • While I cant argue with Seven as a great choice, Nathan Fillion is on my sh1t list as a liberal Canadian weighing in on our elections. Still, I do enjoy Serenity/Firefly and strongly identify with the chaotic neutral personality of Mal.

        • ah! the 8472 – the only species that could not be assimilated.

          I need to re-watch those episodes, to refresh my memory. I think the last time I watched them was … 2 years ago! too long…

          • .The very essence of the morality play.
            I lifted “Freedom is my Worship Word” from The Omega Glory. Well, paraphrased. The big Yang says “our.”

            I sure wish our United Federation of States had a Prime Directive. Well, our Constitution is supposed to be our Prime Directive; I wish we could/would elect people who would actually follow it.

          • The Trill worm/host relationship seems to me to be the ultimate ruling class/working class dichotomy.

        • If you recall they downright shattered the prime directive as often as these jackasses do the constitution.

          • You’re off by at least an order of magnitude. The ST gang has violated the PD what, maybe a dozen times in the whole history of the franchise?

            Maybe two or three orders of magnitude.

    • In a moment of desperation, many, MANY, years ago I interviewed (walked out before it ended) for a position as a “pre-grief counselor” for a pre-paid funeral service. To this day, any time I hear “pre-” anything, I’m pretty sure I’m being lied to.

    • Sorry to burst the “hope” bubble, but Pandora’s box is wide open and we’re well down that rabbit hole.

      Not for years, but for well over a decade as “big data” became cheaper and cheaper, the NSA (as well as the rest of the alphabet-soups) have been developing better and better predictive algorithms. When Target knows that you’re pregnant before you do, you can bet that Fedzilla is using better tools and the entirety of the data ocean to search for “terrorists”.

      “Carnivore” was 14 years ago. Narus, whose Insight platform will most assuredly flag and tag this post, has been out in the cyber world for almost a decade now. ‘Predictive’ algos are the goals of all algo development. Target wants to figure your clothes needs, the power company routes and generates according to predictive software, smart traffic grids time stop lights, your car machine learns your driving style and sets computer parameters for your ECM. Guess what the government wants to predict?

      The tech leap happened many years ago, and the NSA now sees absolutely every packet on the web. And cellphone. And landline. With Bluffdale UT up and running, it will also be able to store and process that data in one place. Using algos to predict where crime will happen is already in use in LA and London. Nobody even blinked. The mesh on the net is still wide enough for most folks to go about their business unmolested. But it shrinks every day.

      “Remember good citizen when we ginned you up with the maguffin of terrorism? We came to the rescue with security kabuki theater. We do appreciate your earlier help in supporting the State data mining machine. Patriot Act? We could have called it Fatherland Security and they would have lapped it up. I mean, had they not slept through history class, they would have known that never has a security apparatus of this scope not eventually been used against it’s people – ever. But enough small talk. We have determined from your site visit history, the nature of the sites you linger and post on, your shopping habits, not to mention the people you speak with on the phone and the transcripts of those calls, your age, sex, and hair color, we need you to come with us. It’s for your own safety.

      No tinfoil required, they do this right in public and announce it at press conferences. Well, everything save where it’s actually all leading of course.

      • Target did not know she was pregnant before she did! It sent coupons to her house based on her buying patterns thatthen clued in her dad before she told him.

        We have enough problems going on can you please stop spreading bad info. Please, as an early christmas present?

        • Poetic license hyperbole (at least regarding Target’s algos). I thought that one was pretty well known by now, but I shouldn’t have assumed that. Mea culpa. While the really drilled-down ones aren’t widespread, there are very discrete algos that can predict outcomes in certain scenarios with a very high degree of accuracy. They will know what you’re most likely to do before you do.

          The rest of it isn’t hyperbole, it’s just the continuation of trajectory we’ve been on for the last 40 years. Accelerated to warp-speed in the last 20. If it is electronically transmitted, it is currently recorded. A good chunk of it is analyzed in real-time, but only on a surface level. They go deeper every day.

      • As an interesting side-note to all that, I bought a refill card for my phone the other day. I use a month-to-month service, because it’s cheap and reliable. And easy to manage.

        Anyhow, for the first time ever, the clerk asked for my state ID in order to purchase the phone card. THIS is interesting to me. I would imagine it’s a crackdown on “burn” phones (if you haven’t heard that term, criminals buy prepaid phones, use them once and then dump them).

        Bye-bye, anonymity. We had a good run.

      • Utah site is the “public” site. Where/how many backups? Giggle/Facefraud/etc are building server farms all over. But for whom do they actually work? All are in bed with Obuma. You can bet Sam isn’t store data in only one location.

        Disinformation is the ONLY security method.

      • Just yesterday or so, somebody got busted for having a “secret” compartment in his car. It must not have been very secret.

      • Finally I see someone point out what’s been going on for years with the Narus Insight reference. I’ve been talking to people about this stuff for 5 years now and they don’t care:

        The reality of these programs is mind-boggling and if the people truly understood what was really going on there would be hell to pay!

        Think of a simulated computer model for the city you live in and a Sim character for you and everyone in your town. The Sim character is basically an electronic dossier of everybody. Now feed into your Sim character everything you buy, read, text messages, phone calls, websites viewed, etc. and then run the algos and you can predict how someone will react. Want to know how people in a particular town will react to a semi-auto gun ban or some other similar new restriction in order to flag the “problem children” and then go round them up under the (Un)Patriot Act…well they can with these programs. It is NOT conspiracy theory as all the data and info is out there but nobody is paying attention.

      • I can’t count how many times I have heard that song and listened to it(on my phone’s playlist and a few CDs that I keep laying around scattered throughout my truck), but I never got the eerie feeling like I did this time. Ever since the “Gun Owner’s Cake” comic thing, it never really hit me.

        “This was a triumph. I’m making a note here. Huge success.”
        Making a new law

        “We do what we must, because we can”
        Even if it isn’t the right thing to do, we will do it because we are able to.

        “We’ll just keep on trying ’til we run out of cake”
        Keep on trying to chip away at our rights until there is nothing left

        And it goes on……

  3. Also let’s not forget that it was the committee of public safety that got most use of the guillotine in the French revolutions and the reign of terror.

  4. Well. That was sufficiently creepy. I could feel the slope increasing, even as I read that. I got a laugh out of the “Pre-Crime” title in #3. In a way, isn’t that already here? In some peoples’ minds, by owing an AR15, also known as the Evil Black Rifle™, aren’t I already guilty of…something?

    As an aside, what is that fantastic shotgun pictured? My inner nerd celebrated (and my more mature self mentally facepalmed) when I recognized it as the Hawk 12 Gauge from Battlefield 4.

      • Obvious link is obvious.

        Holy crap! That would make an excellent home defense shotgun! And who says Canadians don’t have any fun…

        • We do in fact get some fun guns, even though you stingy Americans won’t let us import your shiniest toys. 😛

          there are some aspects of Canadian firearms law that are better than the states, though not many, most notably barrel length restrictions and import laws. It’s easier to get SBRs SBSs and destructive devices, and anything that can be legally purchased can be legally imported, so we can get Swiss, Chilean, Chinese, German etc. firearms fairly easily.

          There are still some very bad aspects to the law, but we’re working on those, it’s just a struggle to get the politicians to work with us.

          • Just curious – have you broken from the Crown, or are you still a colony? (ref: SP:BLU “They’re not even a real country anyway!”)

    • lolol at least I wasnt the only one with the Hawk 12G thought. Its a norinco, hover over the picture 😀

      Do you play bf4 on pc, xbox or ps?

      • I figured (hoped?) I wasn’t the only one! I’m on an Xbox 360, at least until it dies…then I’ll hopefully switch to a PS4.

    • But 13 year old boys can’t look at a Playboy. There’s a law that says they can’t buy them dontchya know.

      • When I was in High School, my buddies and I used to take the bus to downtown Minneapolis and shoplift nudist magazines at Shinder’s News. They had pictures that would make Hugh Hefner blush.

        • Our downtown smut shops didn’t practice age discrimination back in the sixties, either. Then, shortly after graduation it was suddenly the “summer of love”, I was in San Francisco, and guess what – they DON’T have staples in their bellies!

          You know, fifty years ago California was the place where you could do just about anything your addled young mind could imagine. Now you need a background check before you put your dirty feet on their pavement.

        • I picture you and your buddies being disappointed by your “Nudist” magazines… When you really wanted “Nudie” mags.

          • That’s true. A vanishingly small percentage of actual Naturists look anything like fashion models or Olympic athletes. Most of them look like the dumpy couple next door, but naked.

  5. “This should come as a surprise to absolutely no one. The radical Marxist-progressives (communists) took control of the democrat party some time ago. They’ve only become more emboldened with the election of Barack Obama, who was raised as a communist from birth.
    With their new found leader, Barack Obama, the Socialist Party of America felt secure enough to announce the names of 70 democrats in Congress that belong to their caucus.”

    MA Members of the Socialist Party of America Caucus are as follows:

    Hon. John Olver (MA-01)
    Hon. James McGovern (MA-03)
    Hon. Barney Frank (MA-04
    Hon. John Tierney (MA-06)
    Hon. Ed Markey (MA-07)
    Hon. Michael Capuano (MA-08

    For the complete 70 Congressman list:…merica-10-1-09

  6. Dan’s scenario is all too real. Every day it seems, the constitution is dismissively brushed aside in favor of unconstitutional executive decrees.

    Having tried and failed on the legislative front, the next step is to promulgate unconstitutional rules and regulations, which are then rubber stamped by administration appointed judicial drones.

    Three years is a long time. What Dan has envisioned, can happen without a single new law passing Congress.

    Get out and vote. Take back the Senate and House with super majorities. 2014 is only weeks away, and our participation in the electoral process is critical.

  7. Given that we have no shortage of antis who think gun ownership is a manifestation of a mental disorder, I don’t have too much trouble envisioning the end game he portrays.

    • Road Warrior, or Terminator?
      I wonder where those guys on Jetskis in Waterworld got their gasoline? Then again, Waterworld is possibly the worst movie ever produced, ever.

  8. This is pretty much has happened in England; (it is against the law to carry any object with the intent to use it for self-defense, a belt with a big buckle,if it was to be used as a flail, is illegal, for example)our belief that the right to KABA came originally from our English roots. It was part of English tradition for the people to have the right to bear arms and to be trained in common infantry weapons; long bows in particular, evolving to looking at firearms in the same way.

    The statists want America to be perverted the way they perverted England.

    • The 2nd Amendment was in spite of the British, not because of them. The U.S. had no other means to arm its fledgling infantry, except for the weapons that where already in universal possession by the people.

      We, The People, had to bring our own guns to the fight, and that is something that should never be forgotten.

      • The majority of the American bill of rights was inspired by the 1689 English Bill of Rights, which included the right to keep and bear arms. It is in fact one of the first historical references to the RKBA pre-dating the American constitution by nearly a hundred years. The British Regulars violated that right when they seized the arms of the colonists, and this violation was one of the motivators behind the secession. As such the writers of the constitution sought to make the principles of English Common Law clearly and firmly entrenched as a safeguard against future violations. Unfortunately it hasn’t worked quite so well as intended.

  9. Sigh… I am picking up today a new AR-15 that arrived at my ffl yesterday. Guess I better ship it off to CPS posthaste!!!

  10. Winner.

    Oh, and comrade, I regret to tell you that the wicked firearms in my possession met with a tragic accident on recent fishing trip…

  11. Elements of this were the realty in Australia in 96 and follow ups last year, and this entry submission is the end game for the left but I don’t think the reeducation camps is where it will all end, I believe their end game is the death penalty for gun ownership.

    • Maybe this was cutting-edge way-too-close-to-reality satire, written for and enjoyed by gun rights people, but I’m going to suggest googling the real McCoy.

      That is Amitai Etzioni, father of the “communitarian” movement for governmental reform. Basically he proposes turning citizens into snitches & busybodies as in Cuba or the former East Germany or even present day New York.

      Look up “Amitai Etzioni Gun Control”. The cites that turn up will make Diane Feinstein look like Annie Oakley & Ann Coulter combined. This guy is vicious about gun owners who believe in the right to own guns. And he has the ear of many, many liberals in government.

  12. A weak and cowardly people can be and will be disarmed. There is no exception to this rule.

    There is no benefit to government, a self serving entity that has a life and goals of its own, for individuals to own firearms. Case closed.

  13. They won’t have enough bodies to fill enough uniforms to do it. When they realize they literally don’t have the man-power, let alone the logistics for such a feat, I can only imagine what they’ll try to do out of shear desperation as the walls close in on them.

  14. I’m sorry to say it but if this D***wad shows up, about all he’s going to get out is the Good Eve…….. before his head will be chasing his ass down my steps.

  15. I hate EVERYTHING Star Trek!

    Thanks for allowing me to get that off my chest. To me, STAR TREK posits a Caucasian-Dominated Galaxy (CDG).

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