Keith's pocket dump
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Smith & Wesson Shield’s moniker for their compact handgun is endlessly reassuring. You, sir, may carry a GLOCK 43. But I carry a Shield! Not a tool designed to kill. A shield against the enemies of innocent life. Some owners might fantasize that schlepping the Smith makes them an Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. Which stands for . . .

Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division. Originally Strategic Hazard Intervention Espionage Logistics Directorate. Then Supreme Headquarters, International Espionage, Law-Enforcement Division. Then the Homeland thing, because “Fatherland” would have made it too agricultural.

[Note: none of those are an actual federal agency; they exist in the febrile imagination of those willing to believe there could be a secret government agency that wasn’t bloated, inefficient and 90 percent ineffective. Also note: as a minimalist I would’ve gone with Sublime Headquarters.]

I wonder if any Shield owners groove on the connection to the Marvel Universe. Or if FN owners sing “she’s real fine my 509” when they tool up.

By the same token, I wish Wilson Combat had called my EDC X9 everyday carry gun something a little more evocative. How about REBWI (Really Expensive But Worth It)? Or Michal Idan? (She is a Desert Eagle.)

What’s the coolest name for a gun you know?

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  1. I was thinking of starting a gun company. First model would be the “Murderdeathkill 2000.” I’d do it for the snowflakes. In big letters on the slide and grip! 😉 Or maybe “The Texican!” Probably get the same reaction from the snowflakes.

  2. The coolest name for a gun I know?Eargensplittenloudenboomersgenerationendersinstantgenocidefastenschooterspoppopercopstoppergobangbang in .62 Vahnder with a long slide to hold all that shit

  3. I’m a Captain American fan, but I love the Shield because it’s (for me) the best small concealed carry gun in existence at a low price.

    The name of my gun/ammo/gear is irrelevant, unless it’s something that’d get me in trouble in court.

  4. I’m gonna start calling my XDm ‘Homewrecker’.

    Cause whenever a Glock owner tries her out, it causes tension in their relationship. He’ll still shoot his Glock a few more times, but he’s thinking about that sexy XDm the whole time.

    It usually ends with the Glock undergoing some pointless surgery, or getting traded in for a slimmer model.

    • But if I was strong enough to dual wield a couple S&W 500s, I’d call one of them ‘Walker’, and the other, ‘Texas Ranger’.

    • My friend’s XD has one of the worst triggers of any handgun I’ve ever shot. If anything, it made me go home and tell my Glock how much I love and appreciate it.

      • Haha. I see whatchya did there.

        Not all Springfields are created equal. I wouldn’t buy an XD either or a Mod.2. The XDm and XDs are two of my favorites though.

        To be honest, I have replaced the trigger on my XDm. But I don’t leave any trigger in it’s factory configuration. I like ’em light as a feather. Easy to break. Triggers. Just triggers.

  5. Always liked the S&W Terrier and Bodyguard (the original).

    Beretta Jetfire and Minx were fun as well.

  6. Long as it doesn’t have ‘REPLICA’ on the slide while the other fellow has ‘DESERT EAGLE .50’ on the side of his.

  7. “Or Michal Idan? (She is a Desert Eagle.)”

    The return of Israeli Supermodels!

    Does that mean cigars and single-barrel bourbon have returned to TTAG above-ground HQ?

  8. Always been a fan of “Peacemaker”, “Combat Magnum” is pretty high on my list as well, but if you really want to make me smile, just say “B-A-R”.

  9. I carry a Shield 45 and not because of some over-hyped movie series but because it just plain works
    and I trust it to work.

  10. Sig has the “ nightmare” model of several lines including the Sig 938 nightmare
    I believe the nightmares have black slides and rubber grips

  11. Some of the old time guns had cool names, like Thunderer, and Lightning, Python then after that it got redundant.

  12. Widow maker would probably for maximum impact on snowflakes. Let the pearl necklace clutching begin

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