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This is not April 1 and this not a joke. I repeat: you are not reading The Onion and this is not a joke. “Police are trying to find four rounds of police training ammunition which went missing while being taken from police headquarters to firearms training at Belmont in Brisbane’s south,” reports. Again: this is an actual news story. Here’s the rest . . .

The ammunition went missing at Coorparoo on September 20 while police were travelling to Belmont to conduct firearms training about 7am.

“The training ammunition is described as being approximately 3cm in length and a bronze and copper colour (see pictured),” a police statement said.

“The training ammunition is to be treated as a dangerous item if found and members of the public are urged not pick up or handle the training ammunition.

“Police are encouraging anyone who locates the training ammunition to call Policelink on 131 444.”

Funny or scary? Yes. Yes it is.

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  1. Recent conversation between me and my nephew (age 7) while out cruising around the hills in my Jeep:

    Nephew: “Uncle MyName, there is a bullet on the floor”

    Me: “That’s possible, where is it?”

    Nephew, reaching to pick it up: “here”

    Me: “That’s not a bullet, that is a shell”

    Nephew: “What’s a shell”

    Me: “A shell is one part of a cartridge, it holds the bullet and also holds a primer and gunpowder. Without all of those, and a gun, it can’t shoot.”

    Nephew: “Can I have it?”

    Me: “Sure”

    Nephew: “Can I see a cartridge”

    Me: “Sure, later”

    Nephew: “Can we go shoot guns?”

    Me: “Sure, after I give your mom a valium”

    Nephew: “What’s a valium”

    Me: “Don’t worry about that, oh, by the way, don’t take the shell to school.”

    Nephew: “ok”

    My nephew is apparently braver than Australian authorities.

    • Was in Australia back in May visiting my wife’s extended family, watching TV one evening they had a special report on gun violence in America. Wow did they pick some real winners to paint a picture of race, violence, and guns in America… Chatted with a few older gentleman over there and they just couldn’t come to terms with the idea carrying a handgun every day… Cousin over there owns a few rifles for hunting though… Also before trip I made sure to double check all my bags for random shells…

  2. Well, if I were seeking to invade Oz, I’d have a pretty good idea of how to do it with minimal arms, ammunition and effort.

    All I’d have to do is confuse them enough to cause them to lose a couple hundred rounds of ammo, a few magazines and (gasp!) a firearm or two – and then I’d just waltz on in whilst they’re climbing up their own backsides, filling out paperwork, making reports of investigations and the like.

  3. Yeah, the whole world has gone nuts. Coming back from Las Vegas on Friday via TSA Precheck, I got stopped for something “suspicious” in my carry-on back pack. It was a plastic bottle of powdered laxative. Yes, a dangerous laxative.

    When I was finally cleared to enter, I thanked the TSA lady for keeping us all safe from Miralax. She was not amused.

    • Flew to Costa Rica from San Jose CA (Komifornia) about 30 years ago, on Mexicana Airlines. There was this Mexican “Bitch”, don’t know any other way to describe her, I think it was a her?, acting as a security broad, to check folks unfortunate enough to have picked Mexicana.
      I was ordered in a harsh way to empty my carry-on bag. When she saw my electric razor, she really freaked out! She said out load, “Is that a bomb!”. The she wanted me to take it apart to see what kind of explosives I had packed inside. After prying off a cover panel, she told me to “quickly” pack up my bag, and move on, that I was holding up the line.
      The only thing nice about the flight, is that we took off three times, San Jose, Mexico city, and Guatemala. Each time the 727 took off, and reached cruising altitude, the cabin lights came out and they served breakfast. We had left San Jose at midnight. I was stuffed so full I thought I would have to “roll” out of the plane, instead of walking.
      The only scary thing was that later I learned a 727 had crashed into the side of a mountain, because a tire blew up inside the plane. Glad I didn’t take that flight.

  4. Junk headline Robert

    By training they mean standard.40 cal as Qld police use .40 glock.
    Not the hollow points they use on duty. A fairly common practice worldwide. An over reaction to four loose rounds but they are not dummy rounds

    Officially about a million firearms here Qld with a population of 4 million.

    • The moment the Police (or press release) say “training” rounds, anyone would
      think dummy or snap-caps or deactivated and wonder why they say that nobody
      should handle them or touch them. Why didn’t they just say, “Four rounds of
      live ammunition were lost. If found call the Police. No reason to mass-evacuate Queensland
      or New South Wales.”

  5. “The training ammunition is to be treated as a dangerous item if found and members of the public are urged not pick up or handle the training ammunition.”

    The Derp.

    It *hurts*. Yes, it does, my precious…

  6. Lost: Four rounds of .40 FMJ. If you find it, run away screaming, then call the police.

    Laugh at the Aussies all you want, but they might be an accurate depiction of our future in another 20-30 years.

    • Hey, I just thought of a good prank:
      Stick four rounds of .40FMJ in your pocket, walk into a Brisbane police station, casually/carelessly take them out and say “are you looking for these?”. Bonus points if you can make anybody in uniform dive for the floor.

  7. You have to know those four rounds are running around just looking for someone to kill. You know like parked cars, chairs,
    crazed door stops.

  8. Gawd, what a bunch of puzzies.

    To think that Australia at one point had enough balls to help us in Vietnam to the tune of being #3 in the KIA on the allied side.

  9. A lot of us loose more rounds than that just rolling around on the floor of the truck. Hell, I was digging up my hurricane preps a few weeks ago & found a full box of .308… I don’t even OWN a rifle that shoots .308.
    Maybe we should just mail them another couple of rounds to replace them…

  10. From the UK
    “A STARTLED man has told how he found a bullet lying in a York city-centre street.

    Tim Stark said he was unloading items into the MOR Music store where he works in Fossgate yesterday morning when he spotted what he believed to be a live .22 bullet gleaming in a puddle.

    He said he immediately called police, who came and took it away.

    “I have no idea what it was doing there,” he said.

    A North Yorkshire Police spokesman said the bullet had been put into safe storage, and CID had confirmed it was not thought to be connected with any incident currently under investigation.”

  11. Anti-gunners have taken several formerly intelligent members of the Commonwealth – Canada, Australia, GB itself — and turned them into a collection of mincing, feminized, half-wits. There was a time, within memory, when Canadians were considered the fiercest warriors on the WW I battlefield, and when Aussies could be counted on to pull anyone’s irons out of the fire. Then they gave in to the siren call of weak-minded, urban poisoned, pansy-persuaded countrymen, then the liberal minority and….you have the nauseous excuses for countries we see today. Sad.

    • Sadly all too true. Born and raised in the UK, now live in NM. I just emptied my dryer and found a loose duty round from my back up gun and thought if I was still living in the UK and didn’t have a license for it, that would be 5 YEARS in jail for me. No way on earth would I ever move back there…

  12. Considering how difficult it must be for a civilian to get handgun ammo in Oz, I suspect one of the cops pocketed those four rounds to sell on the black market. I’d reckon they could fetch upwards of $5 Aussie bucks each.

  13. I have so much trouble believing that individuals such as police officers can be so weak. I understand that there could be a small amount of CYA needed..but this is the type of format used to described escaped convicts. Surely someone in that department must recognize the absurdity.

    What a completely subjugated people. I am amazed.

  14. Maybe they should just “evacuate” Australia, until they found those “pesky” rounds, and send them all to Komifornia. They could be taken up to a busy gun range to see all the live rounds that would probably be scattered around on the ground. It would be Hoot, to see them freak out.


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