Previous Post
Next Post

I’ll start the ball rolling. “Haven’t YOU ever wanted to shoot someone?”

Previous Post
Next Post


  1. “What? he’s just a [Insert inappropriate reference to BG’s race or gender]”
    “I don’t care if he was running out the door!”
    “Yes you can take a look around the rest of my house, I have nothing to hide”

  2. Double points for headshots, right?

    He looked like he was wearing a turban….

    No, look, I was just cleaning it and it went off. Here, see?

    That felt good.

    • If I can be serious for a second-saying something was an accident (b/c you are scared/flustered/in shock) can turn a legit DGU into a manslaughter charge.

  3. Yeah, I had to leave my store to get some more bullets and reload, but I finally finished him off. Wanna see the security camera video?

  4. “Guess I should have taken down the ‘Screw the Dog, Beware the Owner’ sign before you got here?”

    “What do you mean I can’t use the flat screen as bait? You have bait cars.”

    “Am I gonna be on COPS?”

  5. If I’m going to get arrested and placed in handcuffs, I’d like to request that the arresting officer be female, blond, and busty. Thanks.

  6. He would NOT shut up!

    Now everybody in the neighbourhood already knows I’m crazy; its not my fault he ain’t think about that !

    He split my lip ten years ago!

    Well…at least you only need one pair of cuffs…

    Want to help mop?

  7. Why? Because pistol whipping him would have taken too long.

    There are more of ’em behind the house.

    He tried to steal my drugs.

  8. For touristy states like mine:

    When it’s moose season, I hunt moos.
    When it’s bear season, I hunt bear.
    They call it tourist season…what did you expect?

  9. F… the police

    Badges? I don’t need no stinking badges

    He looked like the drug dealer I jacked last night & thought he had come back for revenge

    Stolen from Unforgiven
    Cop: “You just shot an unarmed man”
    You ; “Well he should have armed himself”

  10. [Cop reads Miranda Rights…]
    [You] (Finishes off the perp with a coup de grace) Oh I’m sorry did I break your concentration? I didn’t mean to do that. Please, continue.

    [Cop asks for a sample of your DNA]
    [Reply] You already have a sample of it, on your mum’s face!!!


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here