Previously I carried my 1943 Walther P38. It was the perfect choice at a time where it was my duty as a good Na…citizen to patrol the neighborhood and enforce COVID-19 regulations. Well, we are at a new point in our nation’s history now, so a new sidearm is called for. That’s why I now carry a “Bolo” C96 Mauser.
Let’s face it, we have lots of problems in this country and the only way to solve them is to ensure everyone thinks alike, ostracize anyone who doesn’t conform, and make examples out of people who resist the mostly peaceful protestors by exposing their privileged status.
But that’s not enough. We all need to do our part, which includes selecting the right weapon for the big job we have ahead of us creating a Marxist utopia. (It’ll work this time, I promise. Really. It just wasn’t done right over the past 100 years each and every time it’s been tried.)
The “Bolo” C96 is the perfect carry gun for woke trust fund suburbanite babies like myself. It’s modern enough (it’s semi-auto), but it has a fixed magazine with only a 10 round capacity. Surely this will be a super-safe, approved gun by our fellow travelers at Everytown and Moms Demand Action (don’t tell them what happens after we win the revolution, they’re very useful to us now).
Not only that, but the pistol has great, proven history during other Bolshevik uprisings and occupations, particular in China, which is where this one served after being made in 1930’s Germany. I figured it’s best to pay tribute to my former comrades, just like this dedicated fascist fighter is doing by training with a Mosin 91/30.
It’s SO awesome to train and fight using the exact same weapons our glorious heroes of the past carried when they seized power and used them to slaughter civilians by the millions in the last century.
Well, it’s time to go on patrol. Tonight we’re spotting and noting houses that are flying Old Glory. We only approve of red stars on flags.