It happened the other day, again, in the locker room. “Why do you carry a gun?” a random guy asked as I placed my EDC in my locker. “So that good things can happen to bad people,” I replied. I thought it was clever, being in the Bible Belt and all. He didn’t get it. I could have trotted out the old warhorse, “Because a policeman’s too heavy to carry,” but I didn’t want to get into an argument with the protein shake-swilling Schwarzenegger listening in. Anyway, with licensed open carry coming to Texas, I’ve been thinking about snappy answers to that inevitable question. Here’s what I’ve got so far . . .
Why Do You Carry A Gun?
- Leverage
- I couldn’t find a holster for my Howitzer
- Because Jon Wayne Taylor’s not here
- To make my butt look small
- To defend against all enemies, foreign, domestic and overly inquisitive
- Wait. Are you saying I should be carrying two guns?
- Because my gun suffers from severe separation anxiety
- Because I woke up this morning in the United States of America
- Because a knife is way too personal
- To distract women from the enormous bulge in my pants
- Because bad guys prefer to attack unarmed citizens like . . .
- Because Jesus loves me but he’s busy right now
Any other bright ideas?