England’s Prince Harry is marrying American actress Meghan Markle. I reckon now’s a good time to give the royal couple a proper American middle-finger salute. And to thank our lucky stars that our Founding Fathers dumped the English monarchy in favor of a constitutional republic. Strangely, the American media don’t share my antipathy to royal weddings . . .
To say U.S. news orgs have been gushing with pro-royal hyperbole is to take the art of English understatement to a new level. And it’s going to get much, much worse. Or better, I suppose, if you’re in the ratings biz. Or if you like that kind of thing.
Truth be told, the average American loves them some UK royalty. They’re enthralled by the “fairy tale” quality of an English royal wedding. Entranced by the costumes, tradition, pomp and circumstance, they give no more thought to the political ramifications of the British royal family than they do the immigration status of the Kardashians’ domestic help. Less, in fact.
As Valley Girls used to say back in the day, gag me with a spoon. And not a silver one, thank you very much. Not to put too fine a point on it, an American celebrating a royal wedding is like a Jew celebrating a Nazi rally.
I remind those who say that the British monarchy is merely ceremonial that the people living inside the U.K. are subjects of the Queen, not citizens. It is still Her Majesty’s Government. And the government’s upper chamber — the House of Lords — remains an unelected body with 92 hereditary peers; the majority of remaining Lords being life peers appointed by the Queen.
Is it any wonder the U.S. doesn’t have a royal family and does have a Second Amendment? Not to me or any other student of history it isn’t. The Founding Fathers made the right to keep and bear arms protected right number two to forestall tyrannical government, be it democratically elected or hereditary. If not for the 2A — and the rest of the Constitution — we’d be watching Prince Disick marrying Lady Kourtney.
But hey, who studies history? Certainly not the average American. They could no more name the Founding Fathers than find the Isle of Wight on a map (after they were assured it’s not a racist enclave, once they learned what the word “enclave” means).
In the spirit of Anglo-American friendship — as demonstrated by the Brits’ measured reaction to Donald Trump’s anti-Islamic terrorism Tweets — here’s a factoid lesson for the educationally challenged hard-of-thinking: The House of Windsor is German. Saying that, Harry’s mother wasn’t German and his father, well, judge for yourself.
Somehow I don’t think any of this puts anyone off the Royal soap opera family. Oh well. Enjoy the show folks. But please, keep clinging bitterly to your guns and bibles. That is all.
YOU KNOW YOU’RE A GUN NUT WHEN…