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Question of the Day: How Do You Kill A Damn Dirty Ape?

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In the finale of The Rise of the Planet of the Apes, apes race across the San Francisco Golden Gate Bridge. They’re making a run for the relative sanctuary of another Planet of the Apes movies. I mean, the California Redwoods. The California Highway Patrol waits for the newly evolved simians at a road block. Most of the cops are equipped with ARs—except for the poor CHiP [close but no relations to a chimp] pointing his little handgun. Thanks to a sympathetic scientist, these apes aren’t dumb. They go all Donkey Kong, scaling the bridge to attack from above. The cops open fire on anything relatively hairy, mistaking suppressing fire for targeted kills . . .

In one epic scene, a large gorilla swings through the air towards a hovering helicopter. With the prowless of a skilled marksman, the pilot/cop/ shooter/best top shot ever takes aim on this crazy ape, emptying his entire magazine into the beast’s chest. Give the primate credit: he completes the mission. The ape tears the chopper asunder, which spirals into the drink.

In the words of the late Roy Scheider of Jaws fame, “He should have gotten a bigger boat.” Or, in this case, a bigger gun. (And you were wondering why anyone would want to buy a .50 caliber classic Desert Eagle.) Maybe the chopper pilot could have maintained stand off distance from the bridge. Or called in an airstrike and blown up the bridge before the apes could cross.

Yes, it’s another summer blockbuster where one side of an armed confrontation has a huge technological advantage—and loses anyway. [Click here for RF’s analysis of Cowboys & Aliens]. I’m sick of this Ewok-i-zation of cross-species conflict. So our QOTD is this: what should the police (hello? military?) have done to stop the apes? And can you provide any historical examples of a technologically inferior people/species defeating gun-wielding adversaries?

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