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BREAKING: Obama To American People on Terrorist Threat: Don’t Worry, Be Happy

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“Right now, we know of no specific and credible intelligence indicating a plot on the homeland,” President Obama pronounced in a televised statement from the White House after schmoozing with his national security team in the [non-Blitzerian] Situation Room. The same man who said ISIS was “contained” just hours before ISIS gunmen slaughtered more than a hundred Parisians. “If you see something suspicious, say something,” the President proclaimed. “That’s always helpful. But otherwise, Americans should go about their usual Thanksgiving weekend activities — spend time with family and friends and celebrating our blessings.” Armed and alert. He forgot that bit.

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