Hands up. The Washington Post columnist didn’t call gun owners sluts. But Gentleman Gene Weingarten did go a bit heavy on the ignorant side, with a racism chaser. “I am no fan of the Second Amendment, inasmuch as it tends to be the refuge of bumpkins and yeehaws who like to think they are protecting their homes against imagined swarthy marauders desperate to steal their flea-bitten sofas from their rotting front porches. But I am a realist. I admit that the Second Amendment is here to stay, so we might as well clean it up to reflect modern political sensibilities.” Obviously, Weingarten’s WAY smarter than we are. So smart he decided to re-write the Second Amendment for comedic effect . . .
“You have the right to bear arms, including but not limited to handguns, tommy guns, assault rifles, bazookas, zip guns, grease guns, blunderbusses, howitzers, flamethrowers, grapeshot cannons, shoulder-mounted surface-to-air missiles, medieval-style catapults that can launch a putrifying, disease-ridden horse carcass over a castle wall, and Al Pacino’s ‘lil’ fren’ from ‘Scarface.’ This amendment should not be construed to rule out ordinarily, non-lethal devices that might be weaponized, such as plowshares, pitchforks, and handheld, riled-up roosters.”
Not to mention walrus penis bones. As above, thanks to Dave Barry. Anyway, Gene’s stab at the 2A sounds about right to me. Then again, the current wording ain’t broke, just as Weingarten isn’t funny. [h/t to Jose Juan Carlos]