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Hands up. The Washington Post columnist didn’t call gun owners sluts. But Gentleman Gene Weingarten did go a bit heavy on the ignorant side, with a racism chaser. “I am no fan of the Second Amendment, inasmuch as it tends to be the refuge of bumpkins and yeehaws who like to think they are protecting their homes against imagined swarthy marauders desperate to steal their flea-bitten sofas from their rotting front porches. But I am a realist. I admit that the Second Amendment is here to stay, so we might as well clean it up to reflect modern political sensibilities.” Obviously, Weingarten’s WAY smarter than we are. So smart he decided to re-write the Second Amendment for comedic effect . . .

“You have the right to bear arms, including but not limited to handguns, tommy guns, assault rifles, bazookas, zip guns, grease guns, blunderbusses, howitzers, flamethrowers, grapeshot cannons, shoulder-mounted surface-to-air missiles, medieval-style catapults that can launch a putrifying, disease-ridden horse carcass over a castle wall, and Al Pacino’s ‘lil’ fren’ from ‘Scarface.’ This amendment should not be construed to rule out ordinarily, non-lethal devices that might be weaponized, such as plowshares, pitchforks, and handheld, riled-up roosters.”

Not to mention walrus penis bones. As above, thanks to Dave Barry. Anyway, Gene’s stab at the 2A sounds about right to me. Then again, the current wording ain’t broke, just as Weingarten isn’t funny. [h/t to Jose Juan Carlos]

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  1. Not future-proofed, inevitably someone will read that as not guaranteeing the right to bear plasma rifles in the 40-watt range

  2. I detect racism on Gene’s part. Euro-Americans are the only safe target in the kosher media these days.

    Anyway, have you ever read Weingarten’s columns prior to this? They surely won’t win any awards. Same goes for other atrocious columnists like Leonard Pitts.

    • “Euro-Americans are the only safe target in the kosher media these days”.

      As usual, your comments are so silly that they are not even worthy of a correction. Dude, never forget that your ancestors like everyone else’s, migrated out of Africa. If you go back far enough your ancestors were not white looking and not living in Europe. How does it feel to know that your ancestors once used to live in trees to escape being eaten on the plains of Africa?

      • I’ve replied to you about that on a previous thread that White people are a distinct bio-cultural entity. I don’t hate Africans like many of the self-chosen people do. So any relation to them 100,000+ years ago is irrelevant. Your lack of understanding must be due to a belief in a sky-fairy called “jehovah.”

        No member of the media has lost a job for criticizing White people of European descent. Rick Sanchez lost his job for mocking your tribe. Don Imus lost his job for a single comment against Africans. The MSM is overtly liberal on race and biased in favor of self-chosen people.

        • You believe white people are distinct and superior just like many Jews believe they are distinct and superior, and many Japanese believe they are unique and superior, and the story goes on and on. Nice to know you don’t hate Africans as many or most white nationalists/supremacists do. You presume too much when you wrote that I believe in a sky-fairy called Jehovah. I do not. There is definitely a universal higher-order lifer-force creator-being though I don’t claim to know much if anything about the subject. I do know or believe that most theologians of all the religions are off the deep end with their teachings and stories.

          The dishonest and biased MSM is morally and intellectually corrupt. It does openly discriminate against whites, heterosexuals, and males. The progressive media is obviously biased in favor of certain groups, causes, ideologies, etc. Today, people from groups that have, in the past, been discriminated/oppressed against are in many cases being given too much support by the mass media. Others such as hetero white males are being attacked and discriminated against for things that happened before they were born. The MSM does have a political agenda to do its part in dragging America, the West, and as much of the world as it can into a NWO police-nanny state. A state that is a mix of being fascist/corporatist/ marxist and progressively pro-feminist anti-male. In the brave new world the mass media helps the global elites move towards, individual rights (including gun rights) are to be quashed while promoting most group nationalities. To generalize a bit: thus the dissolution of the once common-valued West with a shared vision. Break it apart, re-socialize people with new value systems, and a revolution has occurred along with a re-shuffling of power without a shot being fired on the battlefield.

          Currently, the target is primarily the traditional white Christian western nuclear family. The old Divide and Conquer strategy has been used very effectively. Later on, others will also be targeted more than they are today. There is no place in such a NWO for groups such as the Orthodox Jews with their beliefs and values. They too will also be targeted at some future point by the mass media and a police-nanny state progressive government provided America and the West do not collapse first.

          • For starters, I never made any allusions to “superiority.” Most peoples are ethnocentric and that is quite healthy. I encourage open ethnocentrism among all peoples. Sadly my fellow Whites are too altruistic for their own good. This needs to end. Ethnic nationalism is the only true antidote to globalism. A force which (by accident or design) seeks to reduce man to herds of raceless, sexless, atomized, consumers.

            That being said, ethnic and religious jews aren’t part of the White European ethny. Their destiny lies in the Levant. Many of them (like yourself) wish it weren’t so and attach themselves to us anyway. Samuel Gompers is a prime example of such a phenomenon. By calling it “The West,” hangers on and wannabes try to reduce the White European ethny to a series of abstractions. But we aren’t an abstraction…we are a tangible people.

            • Scary stuff, Nuovo.

              Why does it have to be ethnic nationalism, specifically? If what we need is an antidote to globalism, wouldn’t any sort of nationalism do?

        • Nationalism must be ethnic as opposed to civic. Loyalty to real people (one’s tribe, group, ethnicity, etc) is much deeper than loyalty to abstract principles. Given the choice between betraying the state or one’s family, most will sacrifice the state first.

      • Why not take it to the extreme – every living thing on this planet from ants to us come together at some point in evolution all starting with single-celled life. Arguing some defining point along mankind’s family tree is silly.

  3. In the same Post magazine the main feature was an extended article by their food critic about the best restaurants to be a ‘regular’ at in the DC area. As part of this feature they asked several local personalities, such as NPR’s Ari Shapiro, billionaire/team owner Ted Leonsis, and ‘skins receiver Santana Moss what their favorite place was. Almost all of them chose some variant of ‘small Italian place’, showing a lack of creativity perhaps but proving my theory that everyone likes Italian food.

    The only one interviewed who went completely off the reservation was DC’s shadow Representative, Eleanor Holmes Norton. In a display of political tone-deafness so bizarre that it could only come from a Democrat with a seat so safe that it could only be lost by death or impeachment she declined to pick a favorite saying, “I would have a favorite restaurant if there were more restaurants that did escargots the way the French do it.” I mean, I know that’s what we are all thinking, but you shouldn’t say it.

  4. The second amendment is the legitimizing refuge of trailer-dwelling yahoos protecting themselves and their illegitimate spawn from invading zombies. Just like the first amendment is the legitimizing refuge of greasy hippy has-beens and their self-proclaimed “intellectual” hipster pansy followers who pawn themselves off as “journalists”. Freedom allows wackos of all stripes in its darker nooks and crannies. Deal with it.

  5. Damn, I didn’t know I lived in a trailer! What a revelation, now I can build a still and make my own moonshine. Yippee!!

    • Why does it matter what the wording is? The various judicial systems around the country ignore the wording, anyway. “Shall not be infringed”, remember?

        • Seriously? C’mon Mike. That tack has been shot down so many times it can’t get off the ground anymore. By the Supreme Court of the United States, no less/.

          • sure, and they’re never wrong. Don’t you think that vote was more the result of political pfre-disposition than it was about what’s right and wrong?

            I think you’re gonna learn this lesson the hard way within the next 5 years.

  6. mikebbunchof numbers, yup, “…Weingarten isn’t funny.” is the correct assessment.

    Unless, of course, you think the founding fathers were a bunch of uneducated rubes without any insights into governance and human nature issues (i.e. both criminal and political misconduct).

    By the way, I always enjoy being called, “…bumpkins and yeehaws …” by those of the caliber of Weingarten, when I have a bachelor’s, a doctorate, and I’m working on my master’s degree. Really, that is the best your side can do; insist that we are knuckle-dragging idiots. Well, try actually producing some compelling facts for our discussion would be a nice start, but remember, the Second Amendment trumps even damning data and damn statistics.

    • Braden, was I unclear. I didn’t think the guy was funny at all. I don’t like his style one bit.

      But please, you with all your academic degrees are no more representative of the gun-rights movement than the stereotypical knuckle-dragger. Your movement is made up of all kinds.

      My opinion of the founding fathers is that although some of them were highly educated and intelligent by the standards of the late 1800s, they are a “bunch of uneducated rubes without any insights into governance and human nature issues” by the standards of today.

      Don’t forget, although I know it’s tempting when you depend so on those old boys for your justification of gun ownership, that they believed in slavery and treated women like the unabashed misogynists they were.

      In my opinion, the 2A that you say trumps everything, is absolutley meaningless. But I can see why you cling to it. Without falling back on it, you would be hardpressed to justify gun rights as we know them today.

  7. Hmmm…. I know Gene will never read this here, but I have to let it out: I am third generation upper-middle class American. Like my father before me, I have both a college and graduate level education (I am less than a year away from PhD in engineering). I am also a member of a nearly 6,000 year old religious minority that has a stong tradition of being scapegoated, killed, or being driven out of nearly every country we have ever lived in.

    And it is for that reason my father owend guns, taught me to shoot, and now I own guns (and when I have kids, I will teach them to shoot).This is America, that kind of thing will never happen here… I know, I know. BUT!!! Then I turn on the news, and see people at the Occupy Wall Street protests ranting on about “killing/driving out of this country the rich Jewish/Zionist bankers” and I get this strange urge to check the zero on, clean, and oil my AR-15.

    When compassion wanes, and anger flares, the 2nd Amendment is the last bastion that exists between my brother/sister/cousins/wife and I and a pogrom or gas chamber.

    • From an Irish Catholic prospective I agree completely. The more these people talk/chant/yell/spew naive hatred the more nevous I become.

    • …and buy more ammo, Big Jay.
      Personally, I have a thousand shotshells on the way. Yeehaw!

      “Never Again!” and “Molon Labe!” are words to live by.

  8. I like the old Saturday Night Live bit in their Weekend Update with Chevy Chase:

    The United Nations General Assembly passed a resolution equating Zionism with racism. Black entertainer Sammy Davis, Jr., a convert to Judaism, was quoted as saying: “What a breakthrough! Now, finally, I can hate myself!”

    If I were any whiter, I’d have to go put an act together with Edgar Winter. The only thing I’m biased against is stupidity. And it’s the height of stupidity to hate someone based on their race, color, sex, or any other “accident of birth.” I read something online today which rings true: Judging someone does not reveal the truth about them…it reveals the truth about YOU.

    My ex had a photograph on her wall of a dove that had been run through with a bayonet. The caption reads “Neimals Weider,” which, translated from the German means “Nevermore.” It was a copy of a famous WWII vintage photo: Arbeiter–Illustrierte–Zeitung (AIZ, Berlin), November, 27, 1932. If we do not expose the kind of intolerance exhibited at these rallies as the hatred and bigotry it is, we will have forgotten the lessons of WWII, and we will see a Fourth Reich rise, but this time have ringside seats.

  9. He means that only white racists have guns, because clearly a black person couldn’t own a gun lawfully. Wait, who’s racist?

  10. I started shooting after I took a physics class and realized that there was a beautiful connection between Sir Isaac Newton and Smith & Wesson. Can’t call me a country bumpkin now.

  11. I have to say, since I lack several decades of college education, I must be a bumpkin since I own several weapons for defense purposes. Owning a weapon obviously means or connotates such so I apologize for inadvertently blighting society with my presence. /sarcasm

    Stupidity does not know a color or care whether you are “uncivilized” enough to own, practice with and support weaponry and its distribution or use. Reading the threads prior to my comment are interesting but a portion is not only abstract and philosophical to a point that it lacks practical application but downright offensive given some of the principles that are being purported. Spinning what you say different ways every time someone calls you on posting offensive and/or ignorant material doesn’t make you smart. It makes you a troll or politician.

  12. If he’s gonna be asinine I think he forgot to include the right to use sporting equipment, operate motor vehicles, fly aircraft/spacecraft, use household appliances, etc etc.

  13. In Rex Stout’s A Right to Die (1964), Nero Wolfe’s assistant Archie Goodwin says: “… when I consider myself superior to anyone, as I frequently do, I need a better reason than skin.”

    No one’s race, color, creed, origins, religion, or tribe defines that person. That person is uniquely defined by her or his character, ethics, and actions. To judge another by his or her membership in any group is to belittle the person and yourself.

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