By Lewis Dunn
Using this time-tested method, I have acquired some 20,000 rounds of various calibers, a SIG 716 DMR with Vortex Viper glass, a Century C39v2, a Ruger 22/45 with can, a Ruger 10/22 Takedown and lots of other accessories, mags, etc. over the last two years. All without the significant other objecting in the least. Follow these instructions and you too can accumulate the firearms and accessories you’ve always wanted . . .
Grocery shopping
Be a good husband and offer to go to the grocery as often as possible. Pay with your debit card. Cash back? Absolutely. Twenty dollars a pop adds up quickly. Any more and you risk being caught. You can easily dismiss the $20 as “lunch money for tomorrow” if the wife asks.
Home Depot
When buying stuff for weekend honey do’s, buy some type of tool for around $50 to $100. Be sure to pay with debit. When the wife asks how you spent $100 on nails and wood, you truthfully tell her you had to buy a drill bit set or something. Later that week, return the item for cash. Note: you must have your receipt and have paid with debit, otherwise it will be credited back to your account.
Back order is your friend
When that case of 5.56 you ordered two days ago gets delivered. Use these words: “What bullets? You know what? Those must have been the bullets that were on back order six months ago.” This technique works for all sorts of gun parts, clothing or accessories.
Obama
New gun or a dozen PMAGs. “Honey, this is one of those guns/mags that Obama is going to ban. It’s an investment, kind of like beanie babies.”
EMP/cyber attacks
Casually bring up news reports of EMP threats and cyber attacks. Be sure to spell out the process of societal collapse. This will usually put her in “prepping” mode. You want this to be her idea. Perfect time to order some dehydrated food and that case of 7.62 x 39.
Business purchase
If you’re in a business that maybe sells to said retailer of your liking… “I was in there calling on them”. I had to buy a box of bullets or this Mbus. I bought a nice craft bourbon just last week using this technique.
Get the kids involved
The more they shoot, the more guns and ammo you need. Women are easily fooled by this old ploy. “Honey, Susie is such a great shot, she hits the target almost every time. We are really enjoying spending time together” (note the “quality time with kid” must be deployed for maximum effect). “oh by the way, that $100 on the card was for the 22 bullets SHE shot up” BTW shotgun shells and clay pigeons make great Easter basket and stocking stuffers. Yes, just this Easter, the “bunny” left my son a hundred rounds and a box of pigeons.
Shop at Walmart or any department store that sells ammo. Stay away from sporting goods stores as these raise red flags. There are two methods that can be used here:
1. Always and I mean ALWAYS buy at least one box of ammo with anything you purchase. Make sure your wife isn’t present. Once you are busted, it won’t work. So don’t chance slipping a box under the paper towels, it’s not worth it.
2. The “return”…unlike Home Depot or other retailers, “store credit” is good here because most Walmarts sell ammo. Use this credit to buy anything cool.
Final tip: ever ever keep your receipt for any gun-related items, ammo etc. Throw these away or do not take the receipt at all. If you do throw it away, DO NOT throw it away in one of your homes cans.
Follow these useful tips and you will be well on your way to building your own personal arsenal.