observer.com writer Shalom Auslander has a “solution” to the “problem” of “handgun proliferation.” In a column designed to titillate gun grabbers and antagonize gun rights advocates Auslander asserts that, well, here’s his take on a popular pro-gun slogan: “Guns don’t kill people; I have a small dick.” Although Mr. Auslander neglects to mention the size of his own penis or his own obsession with pornography, his analysis of male gun owners’ reproductive anatomy is carefully calculated to enrage Americans exercising their Constitutionally-protected right to keep and bear arms. The author of Foreskin’s Lament presents an encounter with a driver he calls a “Cockasaurus” and offers a Swifitan proposal to “fix” the satirical (one assumes) issue of gun love and penis size . . .
So here’s my idea: if we can’t federally mandate new gun laws, I say we pass a federal law that all American males over 18, without prejudice or exception, be required to shave the base of their cocks. Shaving the base of one’s cock is a time-honored, porno-tested method of making one’s penis appear larger than it really is. Will this rid the country of guns? No. And it shouldn’t. But I am convinced it will rid gun-owners of the need for ever bigger, more powerful “weapons,” and their insistence on shoving those compensatory bigger guns down our gagging, metaphoric throats.
You might say “in his dreams” but I couldn’t possibly comment. Except to say that not all Jews are Holocaust deniers (of one sort or another) and/or filled with self-loathing. Also, I expect TTAG’s Armed Intelligentsia will respond to this troll with dignity and respect. At least in theory.