Okay. Admit it. The “Zombie-proof” thing did it, right? You see that headline and you’ve just gotta read the story. Well, I promise, this won’t disappoint. Here at TTAG World HQ, we’ve been discussing for some time, how best to turn your home sweet home into a (more-)easily defensible castle, short of digging a moat and stocking it with all sorts of pre-Cambian reptiles. Problem is, that’s kind of solving the problem with one hand tied behind your back. How do you harden a target when you’re starting with a typical, suburban home with shrubs, trees, glass windows, crawl spaces, neighbors, et cetera? Perhaps the answer is “get a different house.” With that in mind, (and in my very best Rod Serling voice) . . .
Presented for your consideration â when is a house more than a home? When it’s a fortress, not only of solitude, but one that will prevent assault by everything from zombies and angry flash mobs bent on destruction to roving bands of teen-heartthrob vampires and werewolves. Next stop…the Twilight Home.Â
Okay, I’m sorry about that last pun. It was like a mountainâĤI had to climb it. But if price is no object and you have a couple of acres of land to build your dream citadel upon, this design has got to qualify for as an I. M. Pei-inspired dream home for paranoid home-owners everywhere. Let’s get the niceties out of the way first offâĤ
This is, if you’re into post-modern design, a very nice house. (Me, I’m a fan of Prairie-style, Arts & Crafts, and Antebellum homes, but what do I know?)
Note the amenities â glass-walled pool house. Rooftop patio. As much light as you can stand.
Far from sterile (by modern standards, the Zombie-proof home offers all the amenities. Designed by KWK Promes, Built near Warsaw (that’s in Poland for those of you who might be geographically-challenged in Yorba Linda), it was short-listed for several international architectural awards.
Nice living spaces, open floor plan, and if you’re into modern, looks great.
Check out that view. You could see a threat coming for a-ways off.
Even when you’re upstairs.
Hell, you can even see through to the opposite yard, through the house. Now that’s cool.
As long as you’re down with some serious lawn maintenance, this would be a dream home. Notice the large, protruding, decorative panel in the shot above? Well form follows function, my man. It’s not decorative. It’s functional.
Yep. Those are hinges. And those panels are on motorized swivels.
There’s a big, honkin’, hardened steel, motorized overhead door, too.
Welcome to my secret lair, Mr. BondâĤ
Now THAT’S a lot of concrete. As long as they don’t shoot off your security cameras on the corners, you’ll be able to see the Zombie hordes’ fruitless attempts to get in and get you. But what about an exit?
Note that as the overhead door descends, the skybridge on the left raises? Here’s a closer look:
There’s a reinforced concrete fence that surrounds the property, with motorized gates, too.
There are a lot more pictures on the architect’s site, if you’re interested. I have some questions, though. I’m curious as to how many minutes it takes to go into “bunker” mode. I mean, as long as your perimeter alarms go off (a dicey proposition, unless you have your own power grid) how long does it take to go “shields-up” and set phasers to “terminate with extreme prejudice”?
Regardless, this looks like the ideal floor plan for everyone from those who believe a zombie attack is eminent, to South American drug lords (let’s see the ATF get into this one), to Vice Presidents who can’t keep the location of their current secret lair a secret. And if you’re lucky enough to build over a decommissioned missile silo, you could conceivably have a place secure enough to withstand even a daisy cutter munition.
And a tip ‘0 the TTAG cap to the fine folks over at TNW and all-that-is-interesting.com for the pictures and story idea. Anybody wanna place bets that RF already has the architectural firm on the horn for a quote?
Actually, I’d be frightened that the bad guys would hold me and my family hostage in there—and there wouldn’t be a damn thing anyone could do about it.
But thanks for the thought!
Escape tunnels are worth the expense.
That’s the problem with hardening a target. That prickly little Law of Unintended Consequences is always around to bite you in the ass when you least expect it.
As far as one way controlled access goes you cant beat a folding sky-bridge. The system allows for either the bridge to be open, or the garage or both. You don’t want to be bothered by door to door sales, just fold up the bridge. You want the house to remain secure while you drive home, only open the gates, and the garage. It’s a gorgeous system, but you had better have access to your own cement factory because that is going to be insane.
Pretty darn cool. However, my hardened fortress consists of surplus shipping containers stacked two high around a normal house on some land. Call me simple.
Hit the panic button!
I think that place is just bad ass. With six months of supplies, lots of arms and ammo, roof top surveillance and solar panels, 3 or 4 LSG dogs running the property at night you’re pretty much untouchable.
Burt Gummer would be proud to call it home!
Finally, a purpose for modernist architecture – though not the Utopian one Mies van der Rohe, et al had envisioned. (Boo hoo.)
Assuming your armed, add an escape tunnel and a rooftop garden and your good to go for the zombie apocalypse. I like it.
Optional thermite system available for the “no one here get’s out alive” Jim Morrison hostage solution plan…
And if one of the “motorized swivels” jam???
Don’t forget your keys ’cause if you do, you ain’t never getting back inside this house.
nothing is more tacticool than building a post modern house in a low crime neighborhood.
I’m not so sure that this house is very secure at all. Way too much glass. While you can see out they can see in. I would remedy that with one way mirror bullet proof glass. You can see out and not only can’t they observe you they will be blinded by the reflextion.
My idea of a secure house is one that is underground. Low heating/cooling bills and controlled and hardened access points that only SOF guys could breach. No need to home carry and the local swat team would just bang their heads the entry ways all night to no avail.
You sure you saw all the pictures? (Especially the last one.) Shutters close and concrete panels cover the entrances. Other than that, +1. The only truly hardened home is an underground one with controlled access no wider than 1 person width. (And an escape hatch with 4 tons of sand inside. Just in-case.) Much easier to go into lockdown.
I agree, the glass needs to be bullet-proof/break-proof. It wouldn’t hurt if it was like those glass surveillance walls in the stores either.
Out-freaking-standing
I’d stock the moat with reptiles from the Cretaceous Period. Pre-Cambrian critters were invertebrates that would not stop even criminals of opportunity. Now, a nice, full-grown spinosaurs would intimidate even Mexican drug cartels (unless armed with US supplied .50 cal sniper rifles).
I would like a view of the roof. Does it have armored hatches?
Is the roof edge raised so you would have cover? Firing slits?
I notice the walls are flat sided. That would allow someone with a catapult to destroy them in hours. Without multiple extended turrets, battlements, and rounded walls the Visigoths could easily take the place.
Yeah man, those Visgoths punks just raided a 7-11 down the street from me. Snacks strewn everywhere and the building was nearly torn down!
“Read my lips. No new axes!”
Actually, more than zombies, it would probably be proof against a “no-knock” entry whether by real or fake cops. Or at the very least, it would give the homeowners extra time to shake the sleep off and prepare for these uninvited guests.
Why not just your average New Orleans French style or Spanish style hacienda house. It typically consists of a front door with a walled enclosed yard (real walls not privacy fences). Cheaper, not nutty, and quite excellent for real security.
Did I see Ving Rhames holding up an eraser board on the roof?
Sooo, what happens if there’s no power? Can those hinges be manually closed? Hmmm. I guess with all that they can probably afford a few generators.
(Early warning system is essential). Can I get that plan in a double wide?
I bet Rick and company (The Walking Dead) would like to have one of this house
Id just go on a rampage, MAN UP AND FIGHT!!!!