Why We Need the Second Amendment: “I got shot at the other night by an old-ass black guy and [all I] got [was] a hole in my [T] shirt” Edition

This series is starting to grow on me. Too many times antagonistic interrogators reduce gun rights advocates to defending their self-defense firearms by saying “Because I have the right to keep and bear arms.” That’s one step up from telling a teen to be home at 10pm “because I said so.” With about as much effect. I reckon we should explore this question—which isn’t a question for you—a while longer. A dozen years ought to do it (note: that’s a threat not a promise). Right, so, one of the reasons why we need a Second Amendment right to keep and bear arms: the judicial system fails to keep and secure bad guys . . .

Two Minneapolis men were charged Friday with robbery and assault in a May 11 attack on a 61-year-old man, one of a series of assaults on pedestrians in the Uptown neighborhood that left several with concussions.

Charges say Michael Alex Dean Boyce, 19, and Joseph Frederick Tucker, 21, punched Edward Curtis in the head repeatedly and then took his wallet.

They said nothing before the attack, with Boyce blindsiding the victim with three or four rapid punches, police said. The blows broke Curtis’ nose and several facial bones, according to the complaint.

Curtis drew a pistol and fired three times at the robbers, who ran to a nearby car. Witnesses saw the car drive off and were able to tell police four of the six characters on its license plate. Investigators who were already looking into other Uptown assaults showed Curtis photographs of the two suspects, and he identified them as his attackers, according to the complaint.

OK, there you go [via startribune.com]: a righteous DGU (Defensive Gun Use). We need guns to protect ourselves from robbers. At the risk of appearing less PC than an Apple compter, the fact that the victim was a black man (revealed discreetly in a mo) makes it above reproach. Or at least a lot less reproachable.

No, really, we really need defensive firearms. Because the wheels of justice grind exceeding slow and we don’t want to be the grist for the mill when they eventually grind exceedingly fine. And there are some bad, stupid, vicious bad guys out there, somewhere, just waiting for a prison cell of their own. Literally.

Each was charged with first-degree aggravated robbery and third-degree assault. Under questioning after his arrest Thursday, Tucker denied that he was responsible for the May 11 robbery, but added that Boyce told him, “I got shot at the other night by an old-ass black guy and got a hole in my shirt,” according to the complaint.

A vehicle registered to Boyce’s mother, with whom Boyce lives in the 3100 block of Grand Avenue S., matched the description given by witnesses after the attack on Curtis.

A search of the vehicle turned up items stolen from another person May 9, the complaint said. A Minneapolis police spokesman said both men could face more charges from other Uptown assaults.

Boyce is on parole for a 2009 Hennepin County robbery. Tucker, who lives in the 3700 block of Stevens Avenue S., is on parole for a 2008 home invasion in Redwood County.

I guess the prison system let them out too soon, eh? That’s if they even went to prison.

There is only one factor that dramatically reduces the recidivism rate and makes “early” release of a criminal tenable: age. Once bad guys hit 40, their testosterone levels drop and they think a dead-end job might be better than anal rape and shit food.

Meanwhile, citizens need guns to defend themselves against bad guys who should be in prison but aren’t. So if someone asks you “Why do you need a gun?” you don’t need to make a smart-ass remark about giving a cop a piggy-back ride. Just say “Because the prison system is over-crowded.”