If you didn’t check back to see who won last weekend’s contest – along with a StealthGear USA ONYX IWB holster – RLC2 took the prize. Unfortunately, he entered a bogus email address in the posting process. Consider this fair warning, RLC2: you have until noon tomorrow to contact us or forfeit the prize to another talented smart-ass. And just so no one else tries to scam us out of a free holster, “RLC2” will need to tell us the fake email addy he used to verify his identity, mkay?
Oh, this one oughta be good.
In Soviet Russia, grandparent retire you.
Dammit. Beat me to it.
You SOBs, I’m telling you for the last time, gimme my teeth back.
+1
I was going to say that! He beat me to it.
“Stay off mah lawn yah rotten hipsters!”
When aging ww2 vets heard the government “Slimdown” was going to adversely affect their benefits they took action, in the only proven way to deal with tyrants.
Grandpa didn’t take the Parkies closing the Memorial very well. . .
One good thing about being old is you don’t have to worry about your machine gun rattling your teeth.
For sure. I like this one.
…Or loosing your hearing.
“The hell they are closing the WW2 monument”
Oh yea ya, just like tha ol’ days.
YEA YA!
This is bloody great, laddie!
“Take that ya little whippersnapper. Shucks, when I was yer age, all we had wuz rimfire, and I could get 500 rounds fer less than two bits. Yer great great grandpappy made me walk 14 miles to the general store fer beans and bullets. It was uphill both a’ways too”
Carl remembering his service in the Wehrmacht decided to pull his last remaining tooth the German Army way. He tied one end of the string to the round, and the other to his tooth. He then shot the round out of his MG 42.
Obamacare Death Panels …. I’ll show you Death Panels.
Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta! Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta!
“grandma! can we see your machine guns?”
“what’s that, ma clean gums?”
Deer season has gotten drastic since grandpa’s eyesight started going..
Well done.
I’m here to kick ass and chew bubblegum. And I’m all out of teeth.
I LOL’d
Papa says come here. NOW!
The joy and excitement (and possibly the vibrations through the ground) from the machine gun gave grandma that old feeling she hadn’t felt in decades!
What’s that you say sonny?? I can’t hear you over the sound of ol’ Gertrude here.
MG42 – $30,000
10,000 rds of 8mm Ammunition – $7500
Travel expenses – $500
Taking the Battle of Athens to a national level 67 years later – Priceless
Meet the real Ma Deuce.
Ralph, you win. Ma Deuce has me laughing so hard…
Go get this, go get that. Woman, catch this – Bang
When the government shutdown caused cancellation of movie night at the Old Soldiers Home in Menlo Park, NJ, 92 year old retired Sergeant Al “Killer” Kowalski took matters into his own hands.
Here, revealed for the first time, we see the devastating effects of the sequester on Seal Team recruiting and training.
Excellent
For the last time… NO MORE ENAMAS !!!
Folks at the Fletcher Memorial Retirement Home heard the rumor that because of the government shutdown, Obama had cancelled “Matlock” on TV.
HELLLLLPPPP!!! I’ve fallen and I can’t get…………..ooooohhhhhh,………what’s this?……..pretty…..can I try it?
Denie me my Medicare now you whipper snappers!
Look what my grandson sent me for my birthday. Ain’t it purty?
Ohhhh, don’t be such a wuss. Just go stand over there and hold up that apple. My eyesight is just as good as it ever was.
Even in his twilight years RF never lost his love for the now Senior Woman of the IDF.
I’m not sure the “poke fun at RF” thing will work two weeks in a row, but still pretty awesome.
I promise I only made it in good fun. I just saw the picture and somehow thought of the IDF woman facebook post.
Back taxes my wrinkly old ass! You just turn right around sonny and skeedaddle.
“The denizens of the Sunnybrooke Retirement Home were hellbent on seeing the redwoods of Yosemite one last time before they went to the casino…”
Bye-bye, kiddies! Have fun storming the castle!
More Princess Bride goofiness:
There’s a big difference between *all* dead and mostly dead…and I’ve got it right here.
Humperdinck! Humperdinck! Humperdinck!
Holocaust cloak? We don’t need to stinking holocaust cloak!
Oh, you mean this gate key?
Ah need a latrine break…………………never mind!
“Let me show you how to hunt RHINOs back when Lincoln was President!”
WHEELCHAIRS! Toss a granny grenade!
You want my Medicare card? Come and take it!
“Heh. So, that nice young lady, that Kirsten Joy Weiss, thinks she’s purty fancy shooting Skittles off a pencil. Pshaw! There’s things smaller than Skittles, ya know, like…
my blood pressure pill. BANG! …
my cholesterol pill. BANG! …
my iron pill. BANG! …
my dementia pill. BANG! …
my bladder-control pill. BANG!
Heh heh. My doctor’s kinda on the smallish side, too; hey, why don’t you just stand over there and hold the blood-thinner?
‘Sharp shots’ my shillelagh.”
Shit… the old folks home is finally staging a military coup on the rest of us, well time to welcome our elderly overlords with open arms.
“Open wide and say, ‘Ahhh!'”
Jes’ ’cause I ain’t got no teeth don’t mean I’m toothless!
Maybe casting Alec Baldwin in the third remake of Red Dawn wasn’t such a great idea after all…
Former Royal Fusilier Collin R. ‘Smitty’ Smithington demonstrates the lengths
to which the U.K. must go, to prevent the return of Piers Morgan to British soil.
Papas got a brand new bang
“I have put bigger things in my mouth.”
“Once you go no teeth, you never go back.”
I’m Kirsten Weiss… from the FUTURE. In the year 2073, Skittles are much larger and more numerous, and malevolent… we have developed this technology to shoot them!
“Say hello to my little friend.”
I told you not to cut medicare.
Go ahead, tell me again about how you’re going to put me in a home whether I like it or not.
“Ah rot a hasard.”
“What?”
“Ah rot a hasard.”
“WHAT?!?!”
*puts dentures back in* “I got that bastard. Let’s get ‘im so we can have dinner.”
Feeling lucky? Well, are ya, punk?
“F… U… Obammmmmaaaaa!!” bangbangbangbang
Aye, give me a sec boys I’m laying on me left testicle.
Poor old John Boehner, the 97th. vote to repeal Obamacare finally drove him over the edge.
“Are those negros I see?” No offense, he looks like a shaved confederate
and then Mable said “Yea, I got my FOID card right here!”
Taking away the Vodka and potato rations was a mistake
Dinners ready!!!!! Shoots ceremonial triangle gun for all to hear
Get sum!
Dang kids, get off mah lawn!
“No one needs 30 rounds to hunt deer.”
“Okay, maybe *he* does; but no one else…”
Ethel’s doin’ her part to take the Bingo Hall back from the Indian Casinos!
So, you guys don’t have money for running the memorials, but, you can operate the drones all over the US and track me to the bathroom. I’ll show you something to spy at. BANG!!!!
Welcome to Florida….. Bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey, Token, Cartman ain’t got sh!t on this!!!
I told you, nursing homes are for pu$$ies…
The MG42 is the newest treatment approved by the FDA in the treament of both E.D. and depression consult your physician before use.
Wolverines!!!! Surprise! Gotta good F**ker
My hands are getting cold…and dead.
1. “Joe Biden told me to!”
2. Granny Teresa – 2013 Nobel Peace Prize winner.
3. “Obama said if I liked my stealth wear plan, I can keep my stealth wear plan, so I’m keepin’ it!”
4. “You can open that WWII Memorial the easy way or the hard way – your choice.”
From my cold dead hands!
And as the family car went up in flames.. grandpa had a moment of clarity… that he might have a drinking problem.
After looking at the pic, all I have is Benny Hill’s theme song playing in my head
I’ll lay down suppressing fire over the adult diapers aisle, you go grab the Prep-H.
My preciousssss!!!!!!
A member of the AARP practices a new form of lobbying set to hit Capitol Hill this year.
Because of his heroic exploits in the Resistance, the other villagers tolerated Michel’s eccentricities. German tourist groups, however, were not so amused.
Eating yogurt never seemed to work for Pavel. This did.
I told you you couldn’t borrow my teeth!
Ahhh motha land!
After that deer totaled his car, grandpa took deer hunting to a whole new level
In an effort to boost profits the Country Kitchen Buffet cancelled their early bird special. Little did they know it would be their last mistake….
You sure if I open my mouth, I won’t need muffs?
Geriatric Shooting- no need for ‘ears’ when yours simply turn off at the push of a button
“Come and take it! Ya bastards!”
Grampa’s reaction when told it was time for another colonoscopy……
“Oh my, I only meant to wing that revenuer, not blow his head off.”
What’d ya mean the war ended? What?
The Old Guard is still ready if “The Japs” try to invade Daytona Beach!
After they got her hubcaps, grandma declared war.
What do you mean the war is over? I’ve been sitting in this damn desert a long time waiting for Rommel.
The Sith memes seem to have finally pushed Pope Emeritus Ratzinger over the edge.
Which one of you batthtards toot my teef!!!
Diane Feinstein respondes to Ted Cruz in Senate gun control debate, 2020.
PS: I fat finger the dang kindle so badly as is, or the doggone “smart”phone insists on spell-checking even if i have that option turned off- that I really dont know WHAT email I might have used- probly [email protected] as I’ve shortened it to make it easy to log in, once it seemed obvious your posting filter stopped checking email addys.
Hope the IWB went to someone who needs it- as it is in SoCAL you cant get a CCW unless you are a reserve cop or campaign contributor to the Sheriff, so IWB has no advantage over OWB for now, for the few places you can carry legally- the range, hunting, your campsite on land not otherwise prohibited.
Just put your change in the cup and no one gets hurt.
Pacemaker? I thought you said “Peacemaker”!?
Grandpa’s got a brand new bang.
Death Wish 6, starring Ron Paul!
Caddyshack XIII- With a Vengeance
“Get off of my porch….Get off of my property” – Old lady character from Any Which Way But Loose to the biker gang
Hey Adolf, its been 80 years but I finally found your nazi basstard ass “eat lead shit-fuck”