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  1. On a seamstress’ salary of just $16 a week, Gladys could never have afforded a pistol…

  2. Having left her shotgun at home, and ignoring the suggestions to vomit and pee on herself, Mrs Cleaver hit upon a better way to ward off a violent rapist.

  3. As her rapier wit grew dull with age, Dorothy Parker would often resort to extreme tactics to get the last word in an argument during her twilight years.

  4. 1) No, wait – it’s not a gun in my pocket . . . I’m just glad to see you!

    2) Hillary, I swear, this isn’t what it looks like . . .

    3) No failure to communicate here, I understand perfectly.

    4) Hat, $50; gloves, $40; the look on her cheating husband’s face . . . priceless.

    5) Hello, Annie. I see you’ve already got your gun.

  5. Mr Pearse Morgan! We always seem to have trouble getting you British to go back home. But following precedent, we’ll do it the way they did it back in ’76.

  6. I didn’t choose the bingo life, bingo life chose me! Straight outta Peaceful Acres! Hazel, tell this fool he best step out my face… We late for Denny’s and I need to eat so I can take my pill!

  7. It’s been so hard for J. Edgar to find a purse that will fit a .38. Now all he needs is a garter for his .22.

  8. That was very nice Mister Hoffa, but I’m afraid there’s going to be an unhappy ending.

  9. Honey, I know Washington is full of liberal democrates, but I promise if I see one I will give them your message.

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