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[h/t Aaron A.]

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  1. Thanks to a $10 million grant from Department of Homeless Security, every member of the Mayberry Police Department can train on the challenging new three foot range.

  2. Under a fair NY SAFE act: No assault rifles and pistols for cops new weapon really high pitched voices.

  3. Boston’s idea of combining an Irish pub with their police pistol range was well intentioned but poorly thought out.

  4. (Officer with hand in pocket and smiling):
    “Hey look guys, I didn’t shoot myself in the crotch this time”!!!

  5. Back when news agencies reported the facts: Life Magazine uncovers the dangers on a police pistol range.

  6. The ammo shortage eventually forced the replacement of “Range Night” with “Sing Along Tuesdays”…

  7. “Following the passage of the gun free police stations act, the station range has been converted to a piano hall.”

  8. After surveying the ceiling, the range officer decides these cops are better suited for choir duty.

  9. Having lost access to all its vendors, the New York City Police Dept. was forced to adopt less lethal techniques for subduing criminals. Shown here are members of the 61st precinct’s Auditory Suppression and Subjugation (ASS) Team honing their skills.

  10. Joe Biden’s first job as a cop.

    “Hey, fellas, whattya say we dance to ‘Beer Barrel Polka’?”

    Obama’s Border Patrol Union Hall.

    “Go ahead, make me play . . .”

  11. This can’t be from a state of the art police range; the targets aren’t shaped like dogs.

  12. “At the insistence of the clerical staff which is housed on the floor immediately above the range, the distance from firing line to target has been reduced to 3 feet. This should hopefully eliminate most of the random stray bullets coming through the floor into the Secretarial Pool.”

  13. Range officer explaining to lane 1 and lane 3 shooters how to control trigger and muzzle flip.

  14. “Golly Andy, this here’s the biggest thing ever to happen in Mayberry. The Biggest!
    Imagine, a police range on the weekends and a dancehall during the week!”

  15. See what a double-barreled shotgun could do, young Joe was forever infuenced at their amazing stopping power.

  16. DANGER – Police firing service pistols – Remain on hands and knees while firing commences

  17. Announcing the latest in our Department of Homeland Security reduced hesitation targets. The ever dangerous NYPD officer in violation of having more than seven rounds in his assault pistol. The DHS officer will be scored on figuring out which NYPD officer has the illegal number of bulletproof vest piercing hollow-point bullets in his clip. There is no time limit, as the DHS agent is not likely to be hit with any of these murdering bullets, as the NYPD officers have to use all their hand grip strength to pull the ten pound trigger on their black assault pistols, that and their general lack of training.

  18. “Sure boys, it’s got a big enough dance floor but the accoustics are just awful.”

  19. Officers enjoy a new twist on sales presentations to police departments, as Marketing Director Johann Schultz both informs and delights them with his Glockenspiel.

  20. Ah, those were the good old days before sufficient air circulation, when a little lead dust in the lungs put hair on your chest.

    • I think about that and all the time I spent in really badly ventilated ranges back-in-the-day. Hasn’t shown up in any recent blood tests, or exams, but I’m sure I didn’t do myself a lotta good breathing in those places.

  21. Introducing the NYPD Barbershop Quartet, featuring stirring renditions of popular songs such as “I Shot The Sheriff,” the theme song from the Broadway hit “Bullets Over Broadway,” (actually a documentary expose’ about NYPD marksmanshp), and the theme song from “The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance.”

    • The Mayberry Constables Choir has adopted a new penalty for singing off key.

      Fixed it…Need more Coffee….

  22. Ah the good ol days. One bullet in your front pocket and a song in your heart! Play it again Sam.

  23. “The rest of you boys just go ahead and use the targets on the right-hand side of the range — we’ll finish up our song.”

  24. From what I’ve seen of these new recruits, we are standing in the safest place on the range boys.

  25. Ever heard of “Shoot the piano player”? No, but if you hum a few bars I can pick it up. (Rimshot)

  26. “What the ?! Corporal, GETINMYoffIcE!!!”

    -yeah Cheif-

    “Why the jumpin jimminy doo wop is there a piano on MY pistol range?!!”

    -have you ever carried a piano up 4 flights of stairs, sir?

    “What the hey? Is that attitude I hear Corporal? Well see about that . Hand in your Detective Badge son, you’re the new dept. musician!”


  27. I’m a cop and I’m okay
    I sleep all night and I work all day………

    (My apologies to Terry Jones, Michael Palin and Fred Tomlinson. But of course they all need to apologies to me for Piers Morgan)

  28. “I thought it was a very realistic cardboard cut-out sir. Hit the piano playing Hitler without harming the officers type thing?”

  29. Remember when police were “Peace Officers” and not federally funded, dressed in black, hidden face, jack booted, no knock warrent, put him on the ground with his face in the gravel and a knee on his neck just to ask him a question L A W E N F O R C E M E N T O F F I C E R S ? ? ? ?

  30. The 13th Precincts marching band prepares a durge as unadopted dogs are marched on to the line.

  31. In order to improve target shooting results, the NY police department decided to move the firing line up to 7 inches instead of the more commonly used 7 feet. Citizens are still urged to take caution as stray bullets are still a common concern given the 30 pound trigger found on the NY police issued Glocks.

  32. Remember, the safest place is right in front of the target. They never actually hit that.

  33. “See that Farago fella never declares a winnah anymore in dese here ‘weekend contests’, yah see?”

    “I say we sing a few bars and teach him a lesson. Ya see? “

  34. Deputy Barney Fife, Sheriff Andy Griffith, and the boys get ready for some target practice.

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