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Augie's, Minneapolis, MN (courtesy

Technically, Augie’s Bourbon Street Cafe’s failure to detect Jasmine N. Jones’s handgun didn’t “lead” to LaKisha Neal’s murder. The Minneapolis gentlemen’s venue is no more responsible for the fatal headshot than the Bank of the West in Stockton, CA is responsible for the hail of police bullets that claimed the life of a hostage. But the fact that the club’s security personnel failed to detect Ms. Jones firearm reveals a simple inescapable fact: political correctness kills. For proof we turn to Augie’s owner Brian “My Name Is Not Augie” Michaels . . .

Augie’s owner Brian Michael, whose club is staffed with several security personnel and equipped with extensive video surveillance and a metal detector at the door, said Jones avoided being caught coming in with a gun “by concealing her firearm in her crotch area.”

Michael said Jones and her purse were searched after she set off the metal detector and she was asked whether she had a firearm, a question all patrons are asked at the door, Michael added. She responded that she did not and was allowed to enter, he said.

“We did not grab her crotch area,” Michael said, adding that his security staff includes men and women.

“It’s fundamentally more difficult to search women than men,” the club owner said, noting that women tend to have more metal on them in the forms of jewelry, piercings or wiring as part of their undergarments. “There are gender sensitivities when searching a woman. … She took advantage of that. [How she hid the gun] was outside of our imagination.”

As for searching men, Michael said, they “are not given the same courtesies. We’ll make men go through more. … I don’t care as much how a guy might be humiliated.”

The article also reveals that this is not the first time an armed patron has avoided detection. In March of last year, a student of the female form secreted a gat in his wheelchair, eventually and perhaps poetically shooting a fellow strip club devotee in the leg. What does all this tell you about the safety of “gun-free” clubs, pubs, nightclubs and strip clubs? Or, indeed, any “gun-free zone”?

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    • You misunderstand.

      They want equal treatment on the things THEY want, not all that other icky stuff like selective service and such….

      • The especially don’t want equal treatment in the dying department where men die 6-7 years earlier then women.

        Can you imagine all of the telethons and ribbons we’d be subjected to if women died 6-7 years earlier then men? There would be a 24/7/365 federal agency working on stopping that aspect of the War on Women (TM).

      • Wait, so you’re saying women actually don’t want to be held to the same physical standards at the fire, police, and military academies, for examples? They’d rather rail about equality where it’s in their favor, like admissions, promotions, and compensation, but quietly ignore equal standards where it’s inconvenient, like in preparation, perseverence, and performance? Huh. Interesting.

        • @cmeat


          “How to you write women so well!?”
          “Well that’s simple… I think of a man… Then I take away reason and accountability.”

          I’ll always wonder if that was an ad lib line. That man is such a glorious dirtbag

  1. “In March of last year, a student of the female form secreted a gat in his wheelchair, eventually and perhaps poetically shooting a fellow strip club devotee in the leg.”

    I am having a very hard time with this sentence…

  2. Same way nightclub patrons get drugs into an ostensibly drug-free nightclub. Give the drugs to the ladies. Girls are rarely searched thoroughly, if at all.

    Also, in strip clubs and nightclubs with a VIP component, VIPers are not searched period. Look at how many high-profile rappers shoot someone in a nightclub. Not like they are searched. Suge Knight wasn’t searched at a party down here in Miami a few years ago. Of course he had a gun on him. Ended up shooting himself in the leg since he didn’t know how to handle a firearm.

  3. I wonder if the same people complaining about men getting searched more than women advocate for Muslims be selected for searches by the TSA.

    • Behold Grindstone above–following the typical path, providing a cryptic, putative identification of comparable circumstances, eliding detail to make more latent the error of the claimed inconsistency.

      When there is reasonable suspicion a person is engaging in problematic activity, that person should not avoid the consequences of what is necessary to alleviate that suspicion, merely because she is female or does things, such as wear jewelery, females are more likely to do. (This is not to say gun-free zones are a good idea, but it would seem a private establishment may properly determine to follow certain procedures to implements its permitted preferences as to how its premises are used.)

      When a person voluntarily associates in a group engaged in problematic conduct, that person should not be able to shield himself from the scrutiny that otherwise would obtain, merely because religion binds the group. One would hope, for example, persons engaged in the more common forms of organized crime would not be permitted to avoid law enforcement scrutiny merely by claiming a religious affiliation.

      None of this is inconsistent.

        • It’s called “purple prose”. It’s one of the most hated literary devices in the world, even more so than bad puns.

        • I read about half of his post aloud using my best Crocodile Hunter accent and was laughing so hard I had to get up without finishing…

          @Grindstone: Sorry bud, but that’s a bad comparison. Feminism bemoans sexual inequity in one breath and demands it in the next. People are just pointing out the absurdity of it. Muslims, on the other hand, have a higher chance of spontaneous combustion than the average person. So they should be looked at a little closer in the interest of self preservation.

        • Oh, right, I forgot about all the thousands of Muslims that blow themselves up in the US on a daily basis.

          Your own hypocrisy is astounding. Would you welcome more scrutiny on gun owners because of the thousands of crimes that are committed with guns? Of course not (at least I would hope not). But it’s ok to do against Muslims because we need a boogey man and people who are different make the best kind of boogey man.

          The kind of crap you would find in 1930s Europe.

  4. I believe Chris Rock said, in a silly song…
    “Don’t go to parties with metal detectors. Sure, it feels safe inside, but what about all the guys outside with guns? They know you don’t have one.”
    If you can’t carry without hiding it in your junk, don’t go.

  5. Did not a female prisoner smuggle a pistol into a prison not to long ago? If memory serves me correctly?

    Great kegel muscles she has no? To hold a North American Arms SA [or similar] up inside for a considerable amount of time takes great concentration and practice, me thinks the force is strong in this one.

    A different ending there would have been if a light saber instead was used…

    • If all she used was her muscles, that would be impressive. More likely, though, is she just used some sturdy underwear. Really, you just need the force of the elastic waistband to be stronger than the weight of the gun. Might also help if there is elastic around the legs of the underwear, to keep the gun from simply falling out the side.

  6. “[How she hid the gun] was outside of our imagination.”

    These guys work in a strip joint. I don’t think they have to use their imaginations on this one.

  7. You walk through the metal detector, you set it off, you get wanded with another metal detector, your crotch sets it off, either youre leaving until you are less ferromagnetic or im finding out whats in there, simple as that. Dont like those options? The police will be here shortly. Thats the difference between security and the security theater that happens almost everywhere. Hence why ‘turtle’ from entourage got to fuck off and find his credentials instead of coming through my checkpoint, sure he was mad, but i dont give a fuck. Thats the privledge of the job, and yeah he still got the full frisk,

  8. Does my-name-isn’t-Augie seriously expect us to believe that he doesn’t have a private room and a spare female employee to conduct a full-body search on a customer?

    • I hope you realize that in certain situations, in that spare room, that female employee will be shot to death as the first victim of any spree. *I* would not take that job, anyone with that responsibility should have armed backup present, or don’t pretend it is “security”. Years back, I visited my son at his high school, and discovered they had a metal detector to back up the “no guns” dictate. It was attended by a nice little old lady who would have died quickly if anyone actually attacked the school. Like Sandy Hook, these things are not defenses.

  9. My observation is that if the security guards would have just paid her for a lap dance, they would have found the gun…

    Seriously, the full article has an interesting quote from the venue owner.

    ‘Overall, Michael said, “I have the reputation of having one of the safest bars in Minneapolis. … We don’t have a violent chemistry here.”

    Augie’s was closed Saturday but has since reopened, a decision that Michael said was difficult to make given the trauma that his employees and customers experienced in the club on the night of the killing.

    “How soon is too soon?” he asked rhetorically. “This is a friends and family place. We survive on repeat business. It’s where people go for fellowship, in a sense.”’

    There are so many things wrong here, I don’t know where to begin.

    This “pillar of the community” runs a “gentlemans’ club.” You don’t get back to “good” with that as a starting point. No violent chemistry? Then why all the security? And what was all that security doing during the shooting and while the perp was getting away? Probably feeling up the next wave of chicks wanting to get in. And a “…family place?” Is that “the family that strips together sticks together” plan?


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