“But more important than the vehicle to raise this key issue is the [assault weapons ban] itself: there is no place in Illinois for weapons designed to rapidly fire at human targets at close range. These guns have only one purpose: to kill as many people as possible as quickly as possible. The proliferation of military-style assault weapons and high-capacity ammunition magazines undermines the right of personal security of every citizen. And such weapons are not just for terrorists and drug kingpins anymore. Big-city street gangs have expanded to small towns. Meth labs have popped up in Middle America.” – Governor Pat Quinn
Just to be clear from that, sniper gear is ok?
He did say “short range.”
Ha! That was the first thing that came to mind when I read it, too! I guess my long-range gear is “GTG!”
So is the ATF arming terrorists now as well?
yep
Yawn… I sorry Pat what were you saying again?
So after reading this, I decided it was time to have the “talk” with my guns. I opened the safe and sat them all down. I told them that getting involved with drugs and gangs was bad and would ultimately get them locked up forever. Or even worse, destroyed. They were very attentive and never interrupted me. I was free to complete my lecture while they simply sat there. I then realized, as every gun grabber should, that these were merely inanimate objects. They could not be swayed, intimidated or lectured to accept any ideology whatsoever. They did not have any intention of joining a gang or defending a meth lab. They did not plan on sneaking out in the middle of the night to score some pills or knock over a liquor store for drug money. They had no evil intentions at all! How silly am I? Evil or good never enter their non-existent thoughts. EVER.
“jimmyzline: gun whisperer.”
Funny as hell (as are many commentary with a dual purpose)! Are you available to do interventions if any of my guns should “stray?”
i’m opening a camp for wayward guns. if you have any that you doubt their ability to resist the call of the streets send them to me. they will have an activity and fun filled day under close supervision and will be shown the right path in life.
all firearms are welcome regardless of race or religion. yhe only exception being current nypd firearms. those are just too far gone for even my help.
LeftShooter- As a matter of fact, I am in negotiations with A&E on doing a reality show with just that idea. The first episode is slated to include a .22lr cartridge that believes he is a .338 Lapua. So far advertisers aren’t interested though…
jwm- Is this program Federally Funded or sponsor only?
Ahh, the .22lr, “the little cartridge that could!”
sponsor only. we’re faith based. we have faith that the feds will fvck up anything they touch.
OMG I just woke my wife up from laughing so hard! Good one!
This whole thread is a colossal win. Just thought someone should explicitly say it since you’re so busy putting at-risk firearms on the right track.
Beautiful piece of satire.
So according to Gov. Quinn’s own words, “assault weapons” ARE for terrorists, drug kingpins and (now) big-city street gangs, but not for law abiding citizens. But through the general inability of those hired to stop their spread, these forces, along with meth labs, are now popping up in my small rural town?
And he thinks that NOW he and others like him are going to finally be able to stem the tide? What were they waiting for up to this point? What are they planning for tomorrow that is so different from yesterday? I am supposed to trust these people with the real-time safety of myself and those I love over my own ability when they have so spectacularly failed up to now? He’s expecting me to believe that all along I have been the problem here?
There’s no place in Illinois for a lot of things: guns, freedom, dignity, responsibility, honesty, political integrity. At least if Chicago thugs had their way with the rest of the state, which it appears they do. As someone who used to live in a great state like PA marred by the leftist garbage of Philly, I know what that’s like.
So, Quinn, tell me more about how your crushingly oppressive gun laws have made Chicago so safe.
Of course since Governor Quinn believes what he is saying, Im sure he will be encouraging the introductiom of a bill to limit LEOs in Illinois to pump shotguns……
These guns have only one purpose: to kill as many people as possible as quickly as possible.
…and politicians who say stuff like this have only one purpose: to KISS MY A$$!
Not on their to-do list. Although getting you to do that to them, just might be.
another democrat heard from.
So if those assault weapons are so horrible, why are so many police departments in his state trading in shotguns for “patrol rifles”? Why are milsurp M-16’s being distributed to departments all over the country, TRUE full-auto assault rifles?
Sorry, this is America. I buy what I want, and I don’t need you to tell me if I ‘need’ it.
Do the police really need to kill many people as quickly as possible? Or do they recognize that a semi auto rifle or pistol is simply the best choice for most Americans.
Maybe we should take all those nasty handguns away from the police and give them all shotguns, according to the Brady bunch this may be a much better choice.
I’d rephrase that just a bit to point out the hypocrisy: Governor Quinn, if the only purpose of assault weapons is to kill as many people as possible as quickly as possible, why are we giving them to the police? Are you telling us that the police have a need to kill as many people as possible as quickly as possible?
I think we’d see a lot fewer “accidental” shootings by the police and fewer innocent people dragged to jail / murdered during a “wrong address” raid if the police went back to only being allowed to carry a revolver and a shotgun.
“there is no place in Illinois for weapons designed to rapidly fire at human targets at close range. These guns have only one purpose: to kill as many people as possible as quickly as possible. “
so he’s wanting to outlaw pistols and shotguns? And no, they don’t have only one purpose, the purpose of my pistol is to protect my security.
“The proliferation of military-style assault weapons and high-capacity ammunition magazines undermines the right of personal security of every citizen. “
It doesn’t undermine my personal security, in fact, if a thug wanted to break into my house and knew that I would shoot him with 30 7.62mm rounds, I think he would have second thoughts and therefore it would benefit his security as well.
“And such weapons are not just for terrorists and drug kingpins anymore. Big-city street gangs have expanded to small towns. “
So his solution is to disarm the non-terrorists, non-drug kingpins and the non-big city street gangs. Yes, of course, that makes perfect sense, NOT. What a dumba$$
My toaster can spit out four crispy pieces of whole wheat in under a minute. Does that make it an “assault toaster”?
Depends.
Do they come out perfectly toasted?
If yes, then no it isn’t.
If the toast comes out wrong, then yes it is an “assault toaster.”
Does your toaster also have a vertical foregrip, pistol grip or the shoulder thing that comes out the top? If it has one or more of the these features then yes, it is an assault toaster and you are a dangerous person.
Is it a short-range toaster?
More anti-gun nonsense:
Guns Don’t Belong On College Campuses: http://www.tampabay.com/opinion/columns/guns-dont-belong-on-college-campuses/1250354
My email to the author, Bill Maxwell:
Too bad the shooters at Columbine, VA Tech, Oikos U., etc. don’t listen to your ostensibly sensible advice.
No-guns zones = Killers and rapists welcomed, no one here can fight back!
And for your clarification, ownership of a gun does not corrupt an individual. Does ownership of a motor vehicle tempt you to run over little children on sidewalks? If not, why do you assume my ownership of a gun tempts me to kill people?
Regards,
Joe
Mr. Maxwell’s response:
silliness. [that’s an exact quote, and that’s all he wrote]
So much for the ‘open and honest conversation’ that gun control advocates claim to want. We give an inch to these gun grabbers, and they will come back for more.
Mr Quinn should be giving this speech in Mexico, oh wait neverind, guns are outlawed there already.
Sometimes I wonder why they ignore the fact that less than 1% I gun crime is actually commuted with a sporting rifle. Why can’t they remember that we are at an all time low I’m violent crime. Will they comment on why most spree shootings occur in gun free zones?
He has no logic and is pushing fear to the uneducated masses.
Time marches on…. Flintlocks had the “same purpose”. Cap and ball revolvers had the “same purpose”. Metallic cartridge arms had the “same purpose.
I’ve gone back to school to earn a grad degree in therapy for wayward guns that have gone down the wrong path in life. It usually isn’t all their fault but rather the fault of society around them. The simple truth is that the guns have been victimized. I’m going to dedicate my life to helping such guns turn their lives around.
Everyday, whenever you can, be sure to give your gun a hug and tell it how much you love it. Guns have feelings too.
Every day,
I will hug my gun and pet it and squeeze it and call it “George.”
Wow!! Does that bring back memories. +100
I could just tell from the “I’m mentally retarded” look on his face under the big Roman style “governor” insignia that this was going to come from Chicago. Same old song and dance, every fvcking day with that state.
I wonder if on the back of his jacket it says, “Gov?”
http://images.usatoday.com/life/_photos/2004/09/29/brooks-inside.jpg
The Illinois State Capitol is in Springfield, not Chicago. But yes, this type of nonsense doesn’t usually emanate from the southern part of the state–except Springfield, where the Chicago Dems have a majority.
“…Big-city street gangs have expanded to small towns. Meth labs have popped up in Middle America.”
And perhaps if the Federal government actually followed its own laws you wouldn’t have a supply of meth anymore coming in from Mexico. Oregon’s prescription requirement for sudafed hasn’t done squat to stem the tide of meth use/availability. At best it stopped local labs (at the cost of liberties). Your own incompetence at running your big cities doesn’t mean everyone should lose their rights to buy cold meds or guns for legal use. Instead you create a bunch of right infringing mala prohibita laws that harm the innocent and not the criminal.
Here’s a question for which I have seen no answer: Where is the evidence that gangbangers are turning to semiautomatic rifles for their shootouts, as opposed to handguns and sawed-off shotguns? I mean, if there is no such evidence, doesn’t the entire argument that these guns need to be banned collapse? All I do know is that the most recent FBI stats (through 2010) do not support a lot of killings with rifles. Nor do I see gang shooting stories touting the use of such weapons in drive-bys.
… and that’s why I’ve decided to arm my security personnel with single shot .22lr rifles and we are transitioning all our law enforcement offices to 10 shot .22lr revolvers.
Oh wait, my rules are for YOU people not me.
It’s time we disarm politicians who want to disarm us.
Illegal drug makers and pushers have expanded out of the big cities and into small-town America and the countryside? That is a good argument for all of us out here to keep our guns, thanks.
I can’t find anything in the Constitution about a right to safety or even a right to feeling safe. Maybe there’s an abridged Constitution that’s available only in CA, IL, NY, and MA?
the only way for you to “feel safe” is to restrict the amount of bad news you get. it’s the 1a that’s causing people to feel unsafe, not the 2a.
Ever see that Simpsons episode where Homer blows his nose, wipes his mouth, and cleans out his ears on the Stonecutter’s sacred parchment? That’s the Constitution in those states you listed.
Are there are more meth labs in Chicago than there are Illinois governors in prison? I’m just trying to get a sense of scale.
Ralph- Are you implying that guns are the reason Governors go bad? Ha!
These buttheads think that they all need to comment on every news item. Unfortunately, they don’t think things through and end up looking like a fool. Example: This Governor.