Quote of the Day: What About Testicular Fortitude Edition


“Since I’m not particularly concerned about the National Rifle Association ruining my political career, I’ll be the one to say it: If you own multiple guns or feel the need to possess a military-style assault weapon, it’s because you have a small penis. Let me clarify that statement a little, if I may. Owning a handgun to protect your home and your family is fine. Owning a rifle or shotgun for hunting or target shooting is also fine. But owning lots of guns or pseudo-machine guns means you have a tiny wiener and you’re incredibly self-conscious about it. That’s the plain and simple truth, even if it’s not true.” Todd Hartley, I’m With Stupid; The longer the weapon, the shorter the tool [via aspentimes.com]


  1. avatar John says:

    The KEY phrase for Liberals:

    “…That’s the plain and simple truth, even if it’s not true…”

    Liberals have no time for truth, its too exhausting a pursuit. They operate on phony emotion, winding up their followers with nonsense “feel-good” crapola because they know their followers are also too lazy for the truth.

    1. avatar Pascal says:

      Wow! just wow. That pretty much sums it up. The truth does not matter they want what they want regardless of truth, facts or logic.

    2. avatar RangerEd says:

      Reminiscent of the whole Dan Rather “Fake but Accurate” story. The “truth” doesn’t have to be either true or accurate, it only has to be what “Should Be” as determined by The Left.

    3. avatar jkp says:

      I’m surprised he didn’t just throw around that synonym for homosexual men that begins with the letter “f” — it sounds like it would be representative of his level of education.

    4. avatar Gregolas says:

      Didn’t Ronald Reagan say”It’s not that our liberal friends are stupid, it’s just that they know so many things that aren’t true!”?
      This guy.

    5. avatar Pito says:

      In Mr. Hartley’s “Aspine” article titled (I’m With Stupid), instead of “I’m With Stupid”, perhaps it should be re-titled “I am”.

  2. avatar Sid says:

    There is a psychological concept called “projection”. Ironically, in this particular example that term could be misunderstood because he is projecting unto us about his lack of a projection.

    1. avatar johnnosk says:

      That must be the reason that I own a small .22lr rifle and drive a 1.4lt Hyundai Getz… According to this gentleman (and I use the term loosely) I must be incredibility well hung!

      1. avatar C says:

        2.0L. It’s not the size, it’s how you use it.

  3. avatar Wonderbread says:

    Fortunately, RF provided a “head shot” illustrating Mr. Hartley’s uniquely penile-emulating cranial structure.

    1. avatar VA Pete says:

      Yeah, a real d1ckhead.

  4. avatar Accur81 says:

    Ha ha!

    If you have a big truck, a big boat, big rims, give big diamonds, big guns, big muscles…than you must MUST be compensating!

    Nah, some of us in this world just like cool shit.

  5. avatar Shire-man says:

    Keeping with the high level of discourse: Oh yeah, well you’re a poopy face!

    This approach is supposed to make gun owners want to sell off their collections lest they be perceived diminutive in the genital region?

    It didnt work in the second grade and it wont work now.

    On the bright side the gun banners are apparently in a rapidly decaying orbit to be dragging out nonsense like this.

  6. avatar Casey T says:

    So who is this moron? He knows absolutely nothing about firearms and makes dumb comments like pseudo machine gun, which I have no clue what that is supposed to mean.

    1. avatar Totenglocke says:

      From what I saw when I Googled his name, he writes for the Huffington Joke.

  7. avatar uncommon_sense says:

    Be warned people: many gun control proponents make almost identical statements and in the same breath demand that the entire populace submit to their ideals.

    Such people have the emotional maturity of 6 year old children and I will not submit to their ideals. Period.

    I implore everyone to push back with everything they can muster. We cannot let people like this make the rules in our country.

  8. avatar JOE MATAFOME says:

    I hope this fool asks the guy robbing his house if he has a small unit.

  9. avatar Daniel Carmona says:

    I have a NAA mini 22 revolver so I guess that means… If any ladies are interested let me know

  10. avatar Wiregrass says:

    I like the way Massad Ayoob put it:


    1. avatar Jeff O. says:

      Also, there’d be a lot of guys who owned Howitzers.

    2. avatar AM says:


      If gun=penis why do people like SBR’s an subguns?

    3. avatar JOE MATAFOME says:

      My S&W 500 “BONE COLLECTOR” has a 10.5 inch barrel, so it looks like I’m really screwed.

  11. avatar Skyler says:

    A while ago rifles were fine but pistols were bad. Now pistols are good? The attacks will keep coming. They will change the focus to whatever is convenient for their agenda. If they get a victory on rifles they will resume their assault on pistols.

    Never give in on any point because they won’t stop with any compromise. They are evil and they want to be freer to enslave you.

  12. avatar RockThisTown says:

    “Since I’m not particularly concerned about the National Rifle Association ruining my political career . . .”
    That’s because people on the right don’t ruin political careers. Only liberals do that, along with their personal & professional lives, and only to conservatives.

  13. avatar pk in AZ says:


    This asshat’s elevator definitely doesn’t go all the up to the top floor.

    My wife has more firearms than me..

    So how does his “reasoning” apply to her?

    1. avatar kb says:

      She has a small penis.

    2. avatar zbaer says:

      You sir have found a keeper. Try not to make her murder you 😉

    3. avatar JOE MATAFOME says:

      She must have penis envy, LMAO.

    4. avatar middleagedmama says:

      I think he’d call that “penis envy”. hehehe

  14. avatar dirk diggler says:

    Personally, I say we ask his wife. Let’s line up and let her be the judge. Of course, she may decide she likes the role of judge . . . .

  15. avatar MotoJB says:

    LOL…good one. Just look at the guy. His head looks like a small penis.

  16. avatar schizuki says:

    People who say other people are compensating for small penises are compensating for a lack of a rational argument.

  17. avatar Randy Drescher says:

    Well gosh, just like the member that called me “she” I had to run to the mirror & check. Reminds me of Mick Jaggers words about the guy that can’t be a man because he doesn’t smoke the same cigarettes as me, Randy

  18. avatar JM says:

    Think I’ll just have to send him some naked pictures while I hold my AR and prove him wrong then. 😉

  19. avatar speedracer5050 says:

    Hell he is just mad because the last time he tried to have sex with his wife she had him arrested for “Assault With A Dead Weapon”!!!!
    She told me that last night!!!
    She seemed really really Happy that my Assault Weapon could fire multiple rounds!!!

    1. avatar Randy Drescher says:

      Maybe thats what the bradys mean by “no weapons beyond this point”? Who knew? & I never dreamed that feinswine was going after my assault crank. Just goes to show you, let your guard down for one second & the libs go after your 16″ er, Randy

  20. avatar Tarrou (Joshua Grabow) says:

    How predictable. How tiresome. How absolutely juvenile. Really gun control pipples? A dick joke, and a bad one at that? That’s what you’ve got? Lads, this is why we win, because we have educated ourselves for the debate. Apparently, they’ve been busy learning schoolyard insults (I assume it took long and arduous study). It’s pathetic, and anyone not a complete partisan can see that. Even my pro-control friends recoil a bit when faced with Morgan- or Gregory-style hypocrisy and insipid bluster. They are ruining their own case (thin though it was).

    Mr. Hartley, you assert I have a small penis. Very well, let us stipulate for the sake of argument. You basically argue that people own the sort of guns I do to compensate for an innate genetic phenotype. Kind of like……affirmative action? Or am I taking this clown entirely too seriously? I need coffee.

  21. avatar DerryM says:

    If this guy can’t come up with a better argument than 12 year-old bathroom humor, he doesn’t need to worry about the NRA (or any other group) ruining his “political career” because he’s perfectly capable of doing it himself. “My opponent is a dooty-head!”…yeah…that’ll get him votes.

  22. avatar Nobody says:

    Not trying to judge his personal preference, but I’m a bit uncomfortable that another man is so concerned about the size of my privates.

    That’s the plain and simple truth, even if it’s not true.

  23. avatar Kat says:

    As a woman, I do not have a penis, large or small. But I do own a number of pistols, revolvers and shot guns. A lot of my girlfriends also own multiple weapons.
    We have weapons for the same reason guys have them. Self defense, hunting and recreation. Especially self defense aspect, given the disparity between size and strength between the two genders.

    So alleging that guns are all about a sexual appendage is beyond stupid. And the guy who wrote this no doubt not only has a small johnson but a tiny little brain

  24. avatar Larry says:

    Oh crap, then I must be really small because my guns ARE really big. Being married I know which I get to use the most. Hint: I buy a lot of ammo.

    I do love my guns, oh and my wife.

  25. avatar squashpup says:

    that ol’ Todd here is a stand-up comedian.

    Wonder if anyone’s up for a night out with dinner, a comedy show, and a little heckling in the Denver area?

    Maybe shouting “Small Penis!” at opportune moments during the act?

    Or, you could book him for your own event!


    Must not be much of a comedian if he has to solicit jobs for “a standup comedy gig custom-tailored to fit your group or organization’s needs”.

    Just sayin’.

  26. avatar Levi B says:

    Check out the fivehead on that!

  27. avatar Levi B says:

    Also, it takes a REAL man to be afraid of an inanimate object.

  28. avatar Soccerchainsaw says:

    And people with only half a brain try to compensate by making statements like this.

    1. avatar Molon Labe says:

      They want you to think they have half a brain. Always amazed how liberals always know what’s best for me.

  29. Check out the first comment his article received! Priceless:

    todd, please allow me to express my deep admiration of the sexual appendage you are evidently able to deploy for self-defense in place of a gun. You must be very proud. I am certain every lady you know feels safer in your presence than with nearly any other man.

    I admit that my own, personal peniis is pitifully inadequate for self-defense purposes.

    It appears that you would prefer that women should be left defenseless, since they are anatomically unsuited for it. Plus, it makes them so much easier for you to subdue.

    It’s also apparently a true belief of yours that the elderly and handicapped, regardless of size, do not deserve the right to self-defense, since their wang-fu will likely be inadequate for a variety of reasons. You obviously think that we don’t need such human rubbish, anyway.

    I admit, I’ve always found it disturbing that the police and military, being unable to find recruits of your mighty dimensions, instead must brand them as the puny weaklings they are by issuing handguns and rifles.

    Congratulations to you again, and I am sure we will hear more of your exploits as you defend your self, your family, your neighbors, and your nation with your wee-wee..

    I implore you to post the resulting news pictures.

    1. avatar Hasdrubal says:

      I was trying to figure out an appropriate way to say it, but I could type for a week and not match this comment. Well done.

    2. avatar Ole says:

      That was perfect.

  30. avatar OHgunner says:

    That’s not what his wife told me last night…

  31. avatar Joe says:

    Size is not an indication of function

  32. avatar Woodekt says:

    Wow. They’ve gone to childish insults now. So he’s trying to impress the girls by taking the ban guns side and then gets to”insinuate” he’s got a big %^#*. Thirteen year old behavior.

  33. avatar Tim Holza says:

    Spoken like a true 12 year old, Todd. What a moron.

  34. avatar JoshinIA says:

    Either you’re a weapon and your gun is a tool, or your gun is a weapon and you’re the tool. He’s obviously the latter.

  35. avatar Nelson says:

    WTF is up with all these liberal metro-sexuals??

    Who ARE these creatures?

    If the current epoch of human race ever dies off, and some weird archives of all our ‘news’ and social media exchanged video footages are found by our future progeny, they’re gonna wonder if these monkeys were produced in a genetics lab for a wholly separate primate class’ bemusement.

    And… some among the armed intelligentsia believe we need to ‘convince’ these fools?

    No, really?


  36. avatar Christoff says:

    Funny responses on the newspaper website to the effect of, ‘Hey, should a guy obsessed with small penises really be running for a school board position?’

    Actually, I think the NRA actually MIGHT be able to ruin his political career if it were in the mood for going after small game.

  37. avatar jwm says:

    Men who are against guns have vaginas instead of penii. Plain and simple truth.

  38. avatar In Memphis says:

    So as long as I have one Glock and one AR then Im okay huh!? Damn, that saves me money from buying thoes make it bigger pills. Thanks dude

  39. avatar Ralph says:

    Wow. Todd seems to spend a lot of time wondering about the size of our packages, and I think I know why. Not that’s there’s anything wrong with Todd playing for the other team. I’m a supporter of gay rights and think that Todd should have the right to marry another man or even a whole bunch of men if that’s what he wants to do.

    Let’s be fair. If Todd Hartley spends every night polishing his boyfriend’s knob, should I be concerned? No, I should not. Because, like the size of someone’s bratwurst, what happens between Todd and his boyfriend is nobody’s business but theirs. And the gerbil’s.

    1. avatar In Memphis says:

      I couldnt stop laughing long enough to read that to my partner.

      My WORK partner for the record. That was epic.

      1. avatar Lolinski says:

        I wish all OFWGs were like Ralph. Because tgat was funny.

    2. avatar Sanchanim says:

      Ok Ralph we got to get you on the stand up comedy circuit!! Oh that was funny!!!

    3. avatar jwm says:

      I have to disagree Ralph. The Gerbil cannot consent and needs protection from Peta.

  40. avatar Nickbnumbers says:

    When things go bump in the night, until Todd Hartley’s giant penis is available to me, I’ll choose a modern sporting rifle with a standard capacity magazine any day.

    For crying out loud I have a family to protect, and my unit just can’t fight off armed intruders no matter how many pecker pushups I do at the gym.

  41. avatar MARCUS says:

    You know who tells people they have small penises? People with small penises. We call it “little man syndrome”…

  42. avatar Joseph says:

    Todd sure seems to know a lot about short peckers…I wonder where he did his research.

    1. avatar Ralph says:

      I think he learned first hand.

      1. avatar Rich says:

        No, probably word of mouth.

      2. avatar speedracer5050 says:

        Yes he did!! He had an all male whorehouse in Taiwan that he ran by hand till he went out of business because he got a social disease in his fingernails!!!

  43. avatar Darkstar says:

    It is amazing to me that an actual media outlet would publish this. I understand that in this day and age there is little, if any integrity in the media, but damn. An actual editor and publisher really printed this? This may be the single, dumbest thing to have come out since the CT shootings. And thats really saying something.

  44. avatar Coyote Gray says:

    Every gun owner knows, its not the size that matters. It’s how you use it.

  45. avatar Aharon says:

    The truth is that gun-phobics and gun-grabbers are envious and angry because their testosterone and estrogen levels have lower capacity than a single barrel .22 short dillinger. Those people also have mommy and daddy issues wanting the state nanny-police to magically appear and protect them when suddenly facing danger in the real world.

  46. avatar John Fritz says:

    Todd got his ass handed to him in the comments section. At least from what I could tell on the first page. The Aspen Times makes you sign into you FB account (assuming you have one) to view remaining comments. Unsurprisingly.

  47. avatar Lance says:

    Seems some gay teacher likes small male organs. Or maybe hes talking about himself.

  48. avatar DisThunder says:

    Hmm…what does that mean about all us SBR owners?

    Todd, get yer dick-lovin ass in here and elaborate!

  49. avatar MikeP says:

    Just like Freud, who was convinced pretty much any and all emotional discomfort among men was rooted in their unfulfilled desire to bang their mothers. Often times the psychoanalysis offered by people on the “real reasons” other people do [fill-in-the-blank] it itself a window into *their* psychology. A practical Rorschach test of sorts. “What does this ink blot look like to you?” “Penis” “And this one?” “Uh, that’s a penis too” “How about this third one here?” “Yep, penis. Look doc, maybe we ought to switch seats – I think there might be something disturbing going on in your head!”

  50. avatar MikeP says:

    This explains it all

    1. avatar MikeP says:

      [deleting duplicate post]

  51. avatar Sammy says:

    There is no end to the insults and vilification the grabbers throw at us. Can’t someone enjoy something the libs disapprove of without the bullying? Ok, Here’s back at ya schmuck. Sigmund Freud, a bit more versed in psychology than penis breath above had this to say:””A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity” So take that, you insulting troglodyte, you.

    I’ve lost count of the “people” that are grabbing on to Sandy Hook for self aggrandising, political agenda, and outright subversion of our Constitution. These dead children are being used as pawns, and have been wrapped in (Not in all cases) in an obnoxiously phoney morning by those who’s narrative they serve.

    Next will begin the anniversary count as the next few years go by with the bloodied shirts brought out on an annual basis. All victims of such crimes should be reverently remembered and their losses mourned, but I damn to hell those using them for political or social ends.

  52. avatar Sammy says:

    There is no end to the insults and vilification the grabbers throw at us. Can’t someone enjoy something the libs disapprove of without the bullying? Ok, Here’s back at ya schmuck. Sigmund Freud, a bit more versed in psychology than pen!s breath above had this to say:””A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity” So take that, you insulting troglodyte, you.

    I’ve lost count of the “people” that are grabbing on to Sandy Hook for self aggrandizing, political agenda, and outright subversion of our Constitution. These dead children are being used as pawns, and have been wrapped in (Not in all cases) in an obnoxiously phoney morning by those who’s narrative they serve.

    Next will begin the anniversary count as the next few years go by with the bloodied shirts brought out on an annual basis. All victims of such crimes should be reverently remembered and their losses mourned, but I damn to hell those using them for political or social ends.

  53. avatar walter nowotny says:

    Author of the quote should go to any inner city of his choice and make that statement there. It would be interesting to see what would happen to him and if he would change his opinion

  54. avatar Greg Camp says:

    Even in the Aspen Times, this got published? And newspaper owners wonder why their sales and subscriptions and ad revenues are falling. What I have noticed is that gun control freaks talk about penises far more than gun rights advocates.

    Me thinks the “man” doth protest too much.

  55. avatar Dyspeptic Gunsmith says:

    One of the things that disposes me to vote against Democrats has been their ongoing and increasing obsession with their reproductive organs – and other people’s reproductive organs. Their recent political grandstanding against guns notwithstanding, they have an ongoing curious and creepy obsession with vaginas, penises, sex, perverted sex, sexual violence as political retribution, etc. One need only look back to the 2008 election season and observe how “journalists” and Democrats attacked Mrs. Palin – at the same time the press photographers seemed to obsess over Mrs. Palin’s choice of footwear in every photo they published. The behavior of liberals and their elected representatives since then towards Mrs. Palin has reinforced this conclusion. The inescapable conclusion I came to from this behavior is that there are a bunch of liberals who are really creepy perverts.

    But liberals aren’t satisfied to be common perverts and creeps – they then project this creepy sexual obsession upon whatever the public policy question of the moment is. For example, in the days leading up to the election, we were treated to trollops talking breathlessly about how voting for Obama equated with them losing their virginity, how Republicans were obsessed with vaginas and all matters uterine… while failing to notice that liberals were the people injecting sex into the public debate at every turn.

    And this doesn’t even begin to explain the behavior of people like Anthony Weiner.

    I’ll say it now for the record: If you’re a gun owner and you voted for people such as Mr. Hartley… knowing full well that these people have these absurd sexual predilections… you’re a moron. I don’t care how you try to justify it. If you’re voting for someone who can’t seem to discuss public policy without infantile sexual references… you’re a moron, in the literal definition of the word. Please turn in your voter registration card, spark up a doobie and spend your days on the couch, watching Beavis and Butthead… or Jersey Shore… because that’s the highest and most productive use of your life and you should cease bothering productive society with your aspirations to do anything more.

  56. avatar Peter Wheeler says:

    “A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity.”
    -Sigmund Freud

    Enough said!

    1. avatar William says:

      Thanks! I was wondering how long it would take before someone quoted that jewel…

      I was thinking, “The bigger the mouth, the shorter down south.”

  57. avatar Cameron S. says:

    “I have no legitimate argument so I’m going to say my opponent is __________.”

    Select one or more phrase from the word bank: Poorly endowed, a racist, a poorly endowed racist, a child molester, a poorly endowed racist child molester, a….

    It’s the most “left” tactic I have ever heard of. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been called either a racist or informed that my genitals are small simply because I fully support the Second Amendment.

    What a childish tactic. Let their true colors shine.

  58. avatar Flyboy says:

    The fact that he feels the need to discuss the size of one’s penis tells me that he’s way too concerned with the size of his own penis, and spends considerable time worrying about it.

  59. avatar asia331 says:

    That’s It??…Nothing else?? American men who chose to be men and take personal responsibility to act in defense of their wives and children have small penises?? Hey guys , I’ve got great news; if this is all the eunuchs have in the way of a cogent argument…we win!

  60. avatar SDFreeman says:

    If what that AH said would be applied to all the over zealous federal governmental gun toting folks they would be suffering Penisless syndrome

  61. avatar John "Long John" Holmes says:

    I own at least five firearms and am seven inches long.
    Should I take a picture of my genitals along with my guns then send it to Todd Hartley?

  62. avatar pat says:

    Liberals always use sex in their arguements to an emotional end (like socialistic and parasitic women).

  63. avatar pat says:

    Liberals always use sex to further their arguement to emotional ends.

  64. avatar Bob says:

    “Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.”

  65. avatar okto says:

    Remember when Freud’s theories were thoroughly debunked before anyone now living was born?

    1. avatar Sammy says:

      All a matter of opinion. Fact still remains that an over active fear of weapons is irrational.

  66. avatar Brandon says:

    Boy, he sure sounds intelligent. Guess my wife has a small weiner??
    Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

  67. avatar Philthegardner says:

    So I guess the question I throw back at Mr. Einstein is: “So just because you nailed it (so to speak) regarding my penis size, DOES THAT JUSTIFY YOU OR ANYONE ELSE TRYING TO INFRINGE MY CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS?”

  68. avatar Philthegardner says:

    So even if he nailed (so to speak) that fact about my genitalia spot-on, does that give him the right to INFRINGE ON MY RIGHT TO KEEP AND BEAR ARMS?

  69. avatar Floyd D. Barber says:

    What is concerning is that a majority of “male” anti-gunners seemed obsessed with penis’s.

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