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Regular readers of know that the humor site pumps out out a fair amount of anti-gun agitprop. Fortunately, gun control advocates have about as much of a sense of humor as Germans. Only anti-gunners don’t laugh at fatal negligent discharges. Anyway, the Onion map above gives a state-by-state analysis of whether or not any given state should arms its teachers. Make the jump for the guide, which offers a unique insight into American gun culture (e.g. Texas doesn’t need to arm teachers because “students have enough firepower to protect themselves”). Fun! . . .



[h/t CC]

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  1. They laugh now, but if a mass murderer struck… Didn’t someone once say: “don’t let my last thought be ‘if I only had a gun'”.

    • They “may” be laughing now, but I did check the map and I do live in a visual-learner state. Yep, nailed-it.

      The truth said in jest. Spooky.

  2. The Onion is usually pretty even handed at making fun of various groups, but they just try so hard to attack 2A supporters and give nothing to those who oppose it. Pathetic.

  3. Oh that is funny. Not so much the map but the descriptions. If you can’t laugh at yourself who can you laugh at?
    I came out to my parents last night. It was really a release. I feel so free now!
    Finally I admitted to them I am an ammosexual!

    And they love me anyways lol

  4. I once engaged in an intellectual battery (arguing with a liberal) with a liberal who tried using an onion article as evidence to their claim.

  5. I saw it TOO Bernard. Seriously I never found the Onion funny. Or Colbert. And I go all the way back to National Lampoon circa 1972-THAT was funny(I’m old). YMMV 🙂

  6. Isn’t this how it always is with clowns? The premise is always stretched thin, facts are scant and the exaggeration great.
    Too bad Joan Rivers is dead. She’d explain to them that acerbic humor works best when it exposes a truth.

    • Good thing about Joan was she didn’t linger for weeks. I would like to think she would want to go quick.

  7. Not a good idea. You are just asking for trouble. Not against having an armed well trained security team that can react to situations. But a teacher? Not unless he/she is a retired cop or military and even then they need to have a lot of specialized training you wont find with a one to three day shooting course at Joe’s CCW class. A lot training that has nothing to do with making your gun go bang. Nor can you have a teacher carrying a gun into his/her class room with a personal agenda. We have enough of that without them mixing a gun into the formula. From what I have seen from some teachers we need to arm the students.

    • I don’t see why a teacher with a gun would be any different than a parent with a gun with protecting his kids in mind.

    • Teachers with a personal agenda?
      You are being sarcastic right? You got to….as last I checked the over a million Cwp holders in my state manage their agendas just fine… is a job title going to change that?

      Former LE or military…..ok you have to be joking as we all know that most military guys never fire a gun in combat, and that every Ttag reader fires as many rounds training in a month, that most Leo don’t get to shoot in a year for training……

    • I just have to ask, while this subject (arming teachers) is being discussed, what measures are currently in place to prevent teachers from carrying loaded firearms, including “assault weapons” into their classrooms? Do they have to pass through metal detectors every day when they come to work? If you claim to not trust teachers with firearms, how are you CURRENTLY protecting students from their murderous tendencies? Are they prevented from accessing their classrooms in the middle of the night, when they could carry any manner of bombs and machine guns in and hide them until the moment of mass murder? Of COURSE we trust our teachers, let’s ARM them.

  8. Uh, that was supposed be amusing? Okay then. I sure hope the person who created that map has another job lined-up because humor is not their gift.

  9. Speaking of onions, does anyone remember the TV news program called the “Onion News” or something like that. It was a hilarious take off on a serious news program.
    The best part was that foxy chick doing the show.
    Haven’t seen it for a year or two??

  10. i have listened to the editor and writers for the onion on the radio they are all typical NY elitist liberals that think their parody is brilliant. not funny, not witty, not intelligent just a bunch of smug liberals.

    • Well, thank goodness no brothers were involved! When are we going to figure out that we don’t CARE what color the assailant or victim were, and stop mentioning it in any way? Every other report is clearly racist.

  11. In our local school, the principal this summer not only encouraged, but also put his money on the line to help his teachers and staff pay for the state required safety and legal course to qualify for a concealed carry permit. He then said he wanted his staff and teachers to exercise their rights at school. This school year has just begun and somewhere between 1/3 and 1/2 of the teachers and staff are carrying at work.

    The school is in an area which is surrounded by street gangs. This past year shots into the windows and walls of the school could be seen. Empty casings around the campus. Word has gotten out that the teachers and staff are now armed and I doubt the street gangs and criminals, the mentally unsound, or jihadists will threaten or attack the school or its students this year.

  12. I started reading The Onion when it was still a print paper, almost 20 years ago. I read it semi regularly for a while, but stopped altogether about 10 years ago. Not sure if it was a shift in tone (or maybe boredom over reading it that long with no shift in tone), my sensibilities and humor changing with age, or a little of both, but I just stopped even chuckling at the articles. Snark has to be really well written to be funny to someone who isn’t inclined to agree with the snark, and their writers didn’t have those chops, and from the occasional article that gets posted to FB by friends, I still think they don’t.

  13. Got a feeling the color assignment was random. Anything you see that feels right there is probably just you projecting.

  14. Favorite Onion quote, circa 1998;

    “Cher’s hit song, ‘Believe,’ now faintly audible everywhere.”

  15. How “funny” will “the onion” find it when ISIS attacks a disarmed school and we bury another several dozen 6-18 year old kids? We know that 6,500 persons on Student Visa from Muslim countries have “disappeared” in the past couple of years. We have no idea how many potential terrorists have crossed the Southern Sieve…er…”Border” in the past year. We know ISIS has Declared War on the United States.

    If I had school children, this year on 9/11/2014 all of them would be home with me that day. However, even if no school is attacked on that fateful date, it is only a matter of time now, particularly if Obama finds his nerve and escalates our attacks on ISIS in Syria and Iraq.

    • Sorry, but I’m not crapping my pants because of some jihadis with big mouths. If they get here, they’re still downrange.

  16. Anyone noticed the shortage of $ for textbooks ended when the “NEED” for Common Core BS texts arrived?

  17. Joke or not, they okayed guns in 5 out the 7 colors on the map. I say that’s pro gun, at least this go around.

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