Schools will go to great lengths to avoid letting faculty and staff carry firearms to protect themselves and their students. First there was the Pennsylvania school district that’s equipping each classroom with a bucket of rocks to chuck at a potential shooter. Most will teach kids to toss books and chairs…anything that’s at hand in order to slow a shooter down.
The fact that more districts and law enforcement officials are coming around to the realization that arming teachers and staff is the most effective option to save lives doesn’t seem to have made much of an impression on the powers that be at Oakland University in Auburn Hills, Michigan.
OU is, of course, a designated gun-free zone. So, with any kind of ballistic response off the table, the school’s chosen weapon against armed attackers will be…hockey pucks.
“We believe that once faculty have been trained in what to do in an active shooter situation, they will be able to share that information with students to provide a more secure learning environment,”says (American Association of University Professors) President Tom Discenna.
In addition to training, the union has also distributed hockey pucks to its members and to students.
According to (OU Police Chief Mark) Gordon, to fight effectively, faculty and students need to be prepared to throw objects that are heavy and will cause a distraction.
Hockey pucks provide the ability to be carried in brief cases or backpacks, are not considered a weapon, and will meet the goal of distracting the shooter, according to Gordon.
Pure genius. Because the last thing you want when someone’s walking through campus shooting at people is anything that’s “considered a weapon.”
Currently, the (professors) union has distributed the pucks to its 800 members and is working with student groups to distribute an additional 1,700 pucks to students.
The hockey pucks are also being used as a fundraising device as the union seeks to raise the necessary money to equip all campus classroom doors with a lock that can be used without leaving the room in the event of an emergency.
Got that? The school’s door locks are currently outside the classrooms’ doors. So students can’t even lock the doors from the inside to slow down a potential shooter. Maybe they’ll draw lots to see who goes outside and locks the doors (thus locking themselves out of the classroom).
At least they’ll have those vulcanized rubber discs in their backpacks.
‘Hockey pucks provide the ability to be carried in brief ca ses or backp acks, are not considered a weapon, and will meet the goal of distracting the shoo ter, according to Gordon.’
The object shouldn’t be to ‘distract’ the shoot but to incapacitate the shoo ter. Otherwise, the most effective way to distract the shoo ter would be to get the hottest girl in the room to show her tits, a strategy that I personally approve of, but not because it’s an effective way of incapacitating an active shoo ter.
They really should’ve made the logical jump to octopus. This is the metro Detroit area. We sneak octopi into Red Wing playoff games all the time, so they would certainly fit in a backpack. Much more distracting than a hockey puck I think. I mean a shooter is gonna pause for like 2 whole minutes contemplating octopus.
Seriously though, OU is my alma mater. I feel like my degree is worth less now.
If you’re lucky, throwing a hockey puck might distract the shoo ter long enough to draw your weapon. A live octopus would definitely be better.
Hockey pucks are only a euphemism. Just make sure to pull the pin on your puck before you throw it at the threat. Oh, and cover your ears.
First thing I thought of:
http://www.imfdb.org/wiki/Die_Hard#.22Hockey_Puck.22_Flash_Bang
“not considered a weapon. . .” These people have clearly never seen a hockey game.
As a professor and concealed carry permit holder, I find this profoundly offensive. One of my most important duties is to protect my students. A hockey puck, when far better options are and should be available to me?
Disgusting.
No it’s perfect for the person would never use a gun! As they are being riddled with holes they can toss the puck and with their dying breath yell ” Puck Off shooter! “
Badump, tsh!
With a puckish smile…
Way off topic. Apologize. But the news is reporting a woman and her baby killed by a grizzly bear at their home/cabin.
“A mother and her baby found dead outside their cabin after suspected bear attack”
https://www.cnn.com/2018/11/28/americas/mother-baby-killed-grizzly-bear-canada/index.html
Out in the woods in a cabin in bear country and no gun at hand?
That’s way the hell up in in the Yukon! What were they not thinking???
It’s so far north, Anchorage, Alaska is *south* of there!
Canada. I don’t think you can pack a handgun anywhere but the range.
Momma should have had a 12 gauge slung on her back for a walk in those woods.
Talk about ignorance killing…
Where she was, it wasn’t like Dudley Doright was going to be passing by to catch her illegal carrying. I’d bet they did have a gun in the house, but got complacent.
Should put up signs: ‘Bear free zones.’ Works well down here in schools. Nobody needs guns. Just a sign.
They’re going to need a bigger puck.
I am surprised that the bear was still out-and-about and not hibernating already.
It has been quite mild in Alaska so far this winter…..lots of Brown Bears still out and about in Kodiak
Not that far off. Some years ago the Oakland University athletic teams changed their nickname from the Pioneers to the Golden Grizzlies. (And campus feature Beer Lake to Bear Lake.)
Hockey pucks.
The Derp. It *hurts*…
I prefer lawn darts.
Hell ya!! I sunk one of those into a neighbors car hood as a kid. They were awesome.
Hockey pucks eh? I shouldn’t laugh but I am.
Yes, you should laugh, because the notion is utterly ridiculous! And when I use that term, I have its original meaning in mind – something which is worthy of ridicule.
Everyone should be publicly ridiculing these clowns who come up with such laughable “solutions”. They are literally insulting our intelligence.
So would I. You must be one of those people who knows that F-16’s used to be called Lawn Darts.
How thoughtless. Lube would be better.
So if a spree shooter visits he’s pucked… that’s what you’re telling me?
ROFLMAO
I mean, really! I literally laughed so hard I fell on the floor, hurt but butt and was laughing so hard i think i pulled a muscle.
This is a joke. Someone please tell me this is all one big elaborate trolling operation. This has to be a joke.
College people. This further strengthens my stance that college is a waste of money and resources. Supposedly our “top” class of “educated” people came up with this.
You’re straight dumb if you think shelling out 50+ grand to get pompous, myopic assholes to tell you how to think is a good investment.
Likewise, banks are stupid to do a student loan for that amount. WTF are they using as collateral? Are they going to repossess your degree and re-sell it at auction?
If banks stopped making loans for these absurd amounts, the prices would come down. It makes zero fiscal sense to loan anything without any kind of tangible collateral.
But, cater to what they want, never question or challenge them, and the educated types come up with this: use hockey pucks to fend off a gunman. All they have attained is an entirely new elevated facet of stupid.
The feds are the ones you need to be angry at, not banks.
Private loans not co-sponsored by mommy and daddy are hard to get and Federal Student Aid pays for nearly everything anyway. Banks use your credit history, which most kids don’t have, while fedgov uses “need” to determine loan eligibility. The more you need/less you have the more you get.
Exactly where does the Fed government gets the Constitutional authority to back or generate student loans?
‘WTF are they using as collateral?’
I can’t remember when this changed, maybe 20 or 30 years ago, but you generally can’t get out of your student debt in bankruptcy. The banks basically have their nuts in a vice until they’re dead.
Yep. The rest of your life is collateral.
Maybe if you’re quadriplegic.
Well, that oughta do it – ‘gun violence’ has been solved.
So, I went to YouTube and searched for hockey puck vs bullet. I have some bad news …
This is the dumbest Pucking idea I’ve ever heard.
Well, Wonder Woman has special bracelets she uses to deflect bullets and a magic lasso that keeps the perps from resisting and forces them to tell the truth.
The Ghost Dance and their white shirts was supposed to keep Native Americans from being shot, and then there is “magic underwear”.
None of these work for me and I am not very accurate when I throw things – so I will keep my firearms and use them as needed for protection where legal.
I’m thinking that if you throw hockey pucks at a dude to distract him all you’re really doing is pissing him off. So you throw your one puck at a guy, odds are pretty good you’ll miss the guy unless you’ve practiced throwing pucks (which no college kid and no professor is gonna do), and then he gets mad and shoots some more.
If the Hockey pucks are being carried to be used as a weapon then they are in fact a weapon. So now every student can be arrested for carrying a weapon. Brilliant.
At least they have made the mental leap to being armed. Now, they have to improve their choice of weapons.
“Hockey pucks… are not considered a weapon.”
That may be true in free states, but in New Jersey, carrying a hockey puck would be a violation of NJ 2C:39-5D, a 4th-degree felony, just as it is illegal in New Jersey to carry a baseball bat or have a baseball bat in your car (unless you’re on the way to the ball field dressed in a baseball uniform and carrying a baseball glove too). If you’re caught in possession of a hockey puck in New Jersey, you’d better also be carrying a duffle bag full of other hockey equipment and ice skates! I wish I could say I were exaggerating, but I am not. Carrying a screwdriver in New Jersey (when you’re not a mechanic) can also be a violation of NJ 2C:39-5D, a 4th-degree felony. So is having an emergency flare gun in your car (a US Coast Guard approved emergency signaling device) in New Jersey, even if you’re a boater with a valid New Jersey boat license, as that can get you arrested on three felony charges including NJ 2C:39-5D, 2C:39-4E, and NJ 2C:39-4A(1). The rest of you may be lucky enough to live in free states, but driving in New Jersey while transporting sports equipment, boating equipment, or emergency distress signals can get you arrested on felony charges. Nobody is aware of these laws, but the police use them to arrest innocent law-abiding citizens just peacefully going about their everyday lives. I kid you not.
Reason #634,523,217 to stay out of New Jersey.
Derringer Dave,
That is why I will NEVER step foot in New Jersey.
And, figuring that Maryland isn’t much better, that is why I substantially altered my route on a road trip to Virginia so that I only had to drive through 1.5 miles of Maryland.
What if the shooter is a goalie?
I’ll show myself out.
Thank you. I laughed out loud!
Learning institutions that place defensive objects (e.g. rocks and hockey pucks) in classrooms have declared, through their actions, that the threat of a violent attack is very real.
I believe an institution is insane when it acknowledges a very real threat and then implements laughably ineffective measures to mitigate the threat.
What Oakland University is doing is equivalent to acknowledging that structure fires are a very real threat and limiting countermeasures to nothing more than issuing 8 ounce containers of water to staff and students — while prohibiting fire extinguishers, sprinkler systems, and water hydrants.
They could kill two (actually three) birds with one stone. Issue 8 oz cans of water for fire prevention, to throw at active shooters and for emergency hydration. Boom, lotta problems solved.
Every day the Onion becomes more reality based than the mainstream news.
To paraphrase officer Jim Malone (Sean Connery) in The Untouchables, “Never bring a hockey puck to a gun fight.” (“Ya hockey puck!” — Don Rickles)
Academics never seem to miss an opportunity to show the world just what a bunch of morons they truly are.
Let’s give credit where it’s due. It takes a *lot* of work for otherwise intelligent people to think themselves into such a stupid position.
Not leftists….
“…..will meet the goal of distracting the shooter.” But not hurt him.
Put the puck in a sock and beat the hell out of the Bozo that came up with this
Now if they’d also replace all the fire extinguishers with hockey sticks they’d really be getting somewhere.
Nobody should ever need more than 10 hockey pucks. At some point they become Assault Pucks.
My alma mater! Good Lord, guys. Thanks for publicly not giving a shit.
Endangering lives to follow a political agenda, nothing new. I stay away from gun free zones because they are targets. This may not be possible for everyone. Solution is everyone has the right to self defense and to ensure this, no gun free zones along with constitutional carry.
Puck hockey fucks, rocks are cheaper
Exactly what I thought! And I gotta say, if I were a professor at this screwy college, I would keep right on carrying my gun just like I would have been every day since I was hired. WTF makes anybody think that profs do not carry?
What if a shooter wears a goalie mask?
What if a shooter wears a hockey mask?
Brings up a point to consider:
Many school shooters are disgruntaled current or former students, meaning the most likely person to go psycho on this school would almost certainly know of their ‘defensive strategy’. How hard would it be for this person to stroll right through the door with a helmet/facemask (football?), along with their firearm(s) of choice, and render their already feebly defense completely ineffective?
I recall a high school teacher back in the late 60’s warning us that we better go on to college because we would not be able to compete in the future . She must be rolling in her grave.
If I went to school there, I might start bringing a hockey stick everywhere I go. A good slap shot has killed people on occasion. I’d just hope he’d be too busy gunning everyone else down while I wind up to let loose.
When hockey pucks are outlawed…only outlaws will play hockey?…I don’t know, it just seems…so wrong.
If the students or professors are attacked, the puck will be thrown at the attackers and the person throwing the puck will yell “puck you”!
No issued hockey sticks with the pucks?
What are you, crazy? Those would be “considered a weapon”! Oh, the horror!!
Shooting an innocent person…illegal.
Causing a terroristic event…illegal.
Carrying a gun on campus…illegal.
Brandishing a gun…illegal.
Criminal in possession…yep illegal.
Mentally ill person in possession…also illegal
If all those laws don’t do it at least there are signs “preventing” guns on campus.
Sad thing is these genius’ likely support politicians and policies calling for even more laws. As supposedly ‘smart people’ they must see how ridiculous their position is.
The only possible solution is to harden the campus…but that is expensive, difficult, restrictive and likely trigger too many fragile minds.
Much easier to just phone in a solution and support gun control…and feel better about yourself. At least until the next imaginary social injustice comes along.
One time when I was a teenager, I was playing in an beer league game against some Junior ringers who were just messing around with the old guys. One of the ringer kids tried to ice the puck through the air but I caught it in my hand on their blue line. This stunned them so much that I dropped the puck and shot it right past their goalie.
Waiting for a school to announce they’re equipping faculty and students with pocket sand.
We guard banks with men with guns, we guard are politicians with men with guns. Etc. Etc. We guard are schools with a sign no guns, and when things f### up we call men with guns.
After working in academia for 30-some years, I think a hockey puck is a fairly decent tool, especially if one considers that a hockey puck was often one of Don Rickles’ analogies of the IQ abilities of certain people. It would certainly fit most of the profs I encounter as per personal defense in real, life-threatening situation.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/29654367@N08/27504243777/in/dateposted/