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No, the Tesla AR-15 Isn’t Real, But Don’t You Wish it Was?

Tesla AR-15

Courtesy Babylon Bee

“After years of fighting lame California politicians who want to lock everyone in their homes so they can’t go to space or build cool stuff, Tesla CEO Elon Musk announced he was moving to a land flowing with milk and honey called Texas. Almost immediately after the move, he announced a new product the whole world has been waiting for: the Tesla AR-15.”

If your heart skipped a beat when reading that, you’re not alone. Unfortunately, Musk has his hands full with other projects these days and the Tesla AR only exists in the fertile imaginations of the merry pranksters at the Babylon Bee. More’s the pity.

“We really wanted to re-think self-defense,” said Musk. “This new firearm will be the go-to rifle for our SpaceX volunteers when they encounter hostile aliens. It’s also a celebration of the Second Amendment. If any federal authorities try to confiscate it, the rifle will automatically connect to the internet and file a lawsuit for you!”

That would make the Firearms Policy Coalition’s job much easier, no? Is there any reason a feature like that is beyond the capabilities of Smith & Wesson or Ruger?

Read the full post to find out what other features and capabilities a Musk-made AR-15 would probably have if he put his mind to it.

 

 

comments

  1. avatar President Elect LifeSavor says:

    Will the Tesla AR-15 be self-driving?

    1. avatar I Haz A Question says:

      Will its batteries ignite and catch fire in my hands while I’m firing it?

      Inquiring people want to know…

        1. avatar Grammar Matters says:

          “You’re”

          If you’re going to use your language, your usage of it should be no less careful or knowledgeable than when you’re using your rifle.

        2. avatar No it donut! says:

          To: grammer maters

          Your a pretentious arse kunt; how’d you like that they’re?

        3. avatar tsbhoa.p.jr says:

          he forgot the comma after “a.”

      1. avatar SAFEupstateFML says:

        Anti-theft/confiscation feature designed to keep it out of the hands of street gangs and drug cartels respectively.

    2. avatar 007 says:

      Yes. It was tested successfully in Iran two weeks ago

    3. avatar Southern Cross says:

      I had to chuckle at the optics on top of irons over a flat-top rail. Mall Ninja at it’s finest.

  2. avatar TheUnspoken says:

    The Tesla AR would be a battery powered AEG airsoft gun. Gun powder pollutes the air too much for them I would think.

    Either that or it would be a rail gun instead. Or a laser gun. Or…a flame thrower that is really a blow torch.

    1. avatar A O says:

      Elon’s companies don’t worry about pollution. Ever see a Tesla on fire or when taken to a boneyard? See the rocket test the other day?

    2. avatar Southern Cross says:

      Is it in the 40watt range?

      1. avatar BOBO says:

        only whats on the shelf buddy!

    3. avatar Edward says:

      In the article it states that it is a rail gun.

  3. avatar MB (the real MB) says:

    “A laser pulse rifle in the 40 watt range”

    1. avatar Jimmy Beam says:

      “Phased plasma rifle …”

  4. avatar Tom in Oregon says:

    After the bullet passes the sighted distance, the bullet comes back and reinsert itself down the barrel, and into a preloaded chamber ready to be fired again.
    (It’s why the one bullet you have to buy is $4,800.)

    1. avatar enuf says:

      Just saw that in the movies, “Tenet”.

      “You’re not shooting the bullets, you’re catching them”.

      Somehow the bullets with inverted entropy are far deadlier and destructive when they hit somebody who is normal entropy, going thru them asswackbards with inverted entropy.

      Ain’t Sci-Fi a hoot!?!?

    2. avatar tsbhoa.p.jr says:

      “that’s right,mr. fife.”

    3. avatar Marcus says:

      Altered Carbon has a fun version of this –

      Takeshi Kovacs Joel Kinnaman obtains a “Ingram-40 flechette gun” from a weapons dealer in Episode 3, “In a Lonely Place”. It is describe as a C-TAC prototype firing flanged armor-piercing homing rounds from a 10-round clip. The flechettes are magnetically fired, and can be recalled to the weapon, allowing for functionally infinite ammo and the ability to hit targets from the rear.

      http://www.imfdb.org/wiki/Altered_Carbon#Pistols

  5. avatar Debbie W. says:

    Like his sophisticated golf carts no one could afford it anyway. Today in Realville it’s election fraud that matters. To cut the chase.,..If Jim Crow Gun Control joe and his ilk are allowed to get away with their demoCrap then he can be president for those who savor slander, libel and election fraud. As for those who smell Rats in the woodpile joe and his useful idiots can go to hell.

    1. avatar CCNP says:

      Must be plenty of wealthy nobodies in my neck of the woods, as I see scads of Tesla vehicles around. Half the trucks you see on the road these days cost nearly as much as a Tesla model S.

      1. avatar President Elect LifeSavor says:

        There are two Tesla charging stations, one with 4 pumps, one with 8 pumps, within 3 miles of my home. Tesla owners must be keeping their cars under cover because I do not notice many on the roads around here.

        1. avatar tsbhoa.p.jr says:

          we have free access to docks at work. makes me want a zero.

        2. avatar Warwolf says:

          That’s funny because there are exactly 8 charging “pumps” in a 50 mile radius where I live. Needless to say there aren’t many Tesla’s driving around here.

        3. avatar former water walker says:

          Golly I personally know 2 people who own Tesla’s. It’s called “successful”. Not my thing but I like both of them! Father & daughter..

  6. avatar Chi-Chi Montezuma says:

    It would come with a mag full of squibs.

  7. avatar former water walker says:

    As he imports California values & politics…didja see his latest rocket blowup?!?

    1. avatar KJW says:

      The test was amazing and successful most ways measured. It’s a shame most MSM headlines only mentioned the explosion.

  8. avatar Andrew Lias says:

    So long as you don’t have to wait for the FW to update to shoot it.

  9. avatar Geoff "I'm getting too old for this shit" PR says:

    TTAG legal Corps –

    Stuff is happening at the SCOTUS with regards to the Texas election case filed, and joined by 17 states :

    “Yesterday the court, recognizing the urgency of the matter, ordered responses by the defendant states to Texas’s Motion for Leave to File a Bill of Complaints, and Texas’s Motion for a Preliminary Injunction, Temporary Restraining Order, or a Stay, to be filed by Dec. 10, 2020, at 3 p.m.”

    https://thefederalist.com/2020/12/09/6-things-to-know-about-texass-supreme-court-petition-over-2020s-messed-up-election/

    Did the SCOTUS just require the other states to tell the SCOTUS why the case filed against them should be dismissed?

    1. avatar President Elect LifeSavor says:

      Geoff…………

      SCOTUS mandated that responses from the defendant states must be filed by 3 PM today. Content of those responses is up to each defendant state.

      Victory for Team Trump is in the wings.

      BTW, lots of chatter in the Q-osphere about troop movements, secret rendition flights (can you spell Gina Haspell?), navel deployments along the Pacific coast. Mostly silly putty, but an indicator that a lot of folk are worried that insurrection is in the air.

      1. avatar Geoff "I'm getting too old for this shit" PR says:

        “SCOTUS mandated that responses from the defendant states must be filed by 3 PM today. Content of those responses is up to each defendant state.”

        I’d *love* to see what they had to say in those responses… 🙂

      2. avatar Mark N. says:

        Huh, my navel seems to be staying put. That’s probably a good thing; otherwise I might deflate.

        1. avatar jwm says:

          “He farted and then flew out the window.”

  10. avatar Green Mtn. Boy says:

    “The Tesla AR only exists in the fertile imaginations of the merry pranksters”

    Leftards being the gullible tards they are,will fall for it and will end up on some list of banned arms, to which government is expressly prohibited from any regulation of.

  11. avatar enuf says:

    If it was a Tesla it would have a cell number assigned. Musk could dial into your gun at any time and edit applications. He could even shut the gun off, install completely new and untested software, all without your approval or even knowing it was happening,

  12. avatar Miner49er says:

    Another reasoned, insightful and topical article from TTAG, concerning a subject of vital importance to every gun owner.

    By publishing distracting articles like this, TTAG and their handlers can ignore actual violations of rights and murder of (minority) gun owners by the authorities.

    Here’s one now!

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xeEa1n8jkmw

    1. avatar UpInArms says:

      I’m thinking you gotta be a real hoot at a party.

    2. avatar Ing says:

      Too late. I already pressed the big bad “Ignore Systemic Racism” button on my computer. It’s part of the operating system, so I can’t *not* ignore the fact that I am not “liberal” and therefore a terrible person. Microsoft installs them automatically for all white males now.

      1. avatar President Elect LifeSavor says:

        ING,

        It seems that the next escalation in leftist claims of systemic racism is a call for racial fluidity. Why should any of us be limited to any one race? We need to respect everyone’s ability to be whichever race we feel like at the moment. Limiting people to a single race is, in itself, racist!

        We need to embrace the diversity that arises from a gender-fluid, racially-fluid society!! Think of how all the possible combinations will enrich our experiences as we learn to live with unpredictability in all relationships!

        Just in case: /sarc

        1. avatar Miner49er says:

          Three sarcastic answers, apparently no one here gives a shit about an American gun owner being unjustly murdered by law-enforcement officials.

          That is interesting, article after article about whitebread Kyle Rittenhouse, yet no mention of this black American gun owner being killed by LEOs, what is the difference in the cases that creates this seeming disparity in concern?

        2. avatar GS650G says:

          We just don’t give a shit about you.
          Feel important now?

        3. avatar tsbhoa.p.jr says:

          what he said.

    3. avatar jwtaylor says:

      You mean the one that already got mainstream media attention and already has three different agencies, city, state, and federal investigating it?
      You can’t help it. You’ve been a liar so long you don’t even recognize the truth. Again. Still.

      1. avatar Miner49er says:

        Please tell me, what am I lying about in this post?

        It is amazing, with all this mainstream media coverage yet TTAG has no mention while running multiple articles about Anglo-Saxon American Kyle Rittenhouse?

        And Kyle Rittenhouse has already engaged in a federal firearms felony of strawman purchasing, while this fine young man has no criminal record whatsoever and possesses a valid CCW.

        Gosh, I wonder what the difference is between the two individuals in these incidents?

        1. avatar tsbhoa.p.jr says:

          ngo womder elseplace.

        2. avatar GluteusMaximus says:

          There is only one side of this equation who defines individuals primarily by their race. You see race because you are obsessed with it.

        3. avatar Miner49er says:

          Nothing but empty speech for a response, the question still stands:

          Gosh, I wonder what the difference is between the two individuals in these incidents?

  13. avatar Elmer Fudd says:

    https://www.baesystems.com/en-us/product/electromagnetic–em–railgun

    I’ve got my own miniaturized version. Imagine they joy of having a 5mm caliber rifle that has a muzzle velocity of 4,000 meters per second. That is more than 12,000 feet per second!! In comparison, the sabot rounds for an Abrahms tank have a muzzle velocity of less than 5,000 feet per second. The projectile might be tiny, but because armor piercing performance is proportional to velocity squared, it will turn an Abrahms tank into Swiss Cheese.

    Of course the best part of having a railgun rifle is that it doesn’t meet the legal definition of a firearm because it uses magnetic fields rather than expanding has from chemical propellants to launch the projectile. There are no State or Federal laws against manufacturing, selling, possessing, or carrying a railgun rifle. Of course the same lack of legal prohibitions also apply to thermonuclear hand grenades.

  14. avatar CentralVirginian says:

    As long as they don’t start making body armor, anybody see their “bulletproof” truck unveil? No thanks!

  15. avatar American Patriot says:

    Elon is a pot head he can’t have guns…….
    Guns are scarce now & have to go to the BLM organizers…..

  16. avatar GunnyGene says:

    Where’s the little red button on this thing?

  17. avatar KenW says:

    I’m hoping it comes with a flamethrower option since he has already worked out the bugs on those.
    I have a yellow jacket nest in the back that has at least 2 openings. The flames would do a much better job on those critters compared to trying to shoot each and every one. After they ambushed me yesterday I’d love to get revenge on them. Exterminator will be here tomorrow so maybe I could use the flamethrower to burn the weeds out of the chain link fence along the creek. Shooting the individual weed stems would cost to much.

    Last nest we had removed was over 6 foot long and 2 1/2 foot in diameter at its widest. This one might be bigger since the openings are further apart. More than I’d want to mess with.

    1. avatar tsbhoa.p.jr says:

      meguier’s wasp stopper.

  18. avatar dotnot. says:

    California comes to Texas.
    Big Money making changes.
    Space Force Troopers only.

  19. avatar Prndll says:

    I think I would still rather have an automotive themed gun.

  20. avatar Jim Warren says:

    Does it go up in flames when it lands in the safe?

  21. avatar Derfe l Cadarn says:

    NO !

  22. avatar Montana Actual says:

    I don’t want Tesla anything. The innovation is great. The monopoly on parts is not. It’s why a headlight costs $2,000.

  23. avatar Fit2Btyed says:

    Does it come with a Loadjack anti-theft device?

  24. avatar Theapostle says:

    It should be a Railgun Ar15 if its Tesla gotta be electric

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