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John Wick 2 features a lot of cool guns used in entirely realistic ways. But the movie itself, as a movie, is absurd. If nothing else, the body count racked up by the assassin is insane. No, strike that —

It’s ridiculous. The only real world similarity between the carnage Mr. Wick inflicts on bad guys and their seemingly endless supply of henchmen is FPS videogames. And they aren’t the real world. Nor, I might add, a great deal of fun to watch. Just like John Wick 2, videogame kills become boringly repetitive. Including signature moves.

As for plot, SPOILER ALERT! There isn’t one. Not one that makes you care about any of the characters, believe they could exist, or would do the things they do.

Speaking of believability, there’s no way someone, anyone, could leave such an enormous trail of dead bodies without a single cop showing-up to stop the slaughter, or at least mop-up the bodies.

And what’s up with a plug-in telephone switchboard and a PTT (Pneumatic Tube Transport) mail delivery system? I thought someone had mistakenly edited-in footage from Brazil, both the country and the movie.

Unlike, say, a James Bond movie, there isn’t a babe in John Wick 2 — save one who doesn’t utter a single line of dialogue. Who exists only to prove that the pen is, indeed, mightier than the sword. Or at least as deadly. Because Mr. Wick used a pencil is the last movie and, well, this is a sequel.

Emerging from John Wick 2, our man Foghorn called it a “great popcorn movie.” AMC Barton Creek had lousy popcorn and John Wick 2 is a lousy movie. Sure, The People of the Gun will love it. Because guns! Lots of guns! Realistic guns used realistically! And head shots! Lots of head shots! On two different continents!

ANOTHER SPOILER ALERT!

The highlight of the movie arrives at mid-point, when JW reloads his Benelli shotgun while pinning a baddie to the ground , and then makes the baddie’s chest explode in a spray of red mist. Before — and after — killing eleventy-hundred other people.

You know those critics who called John Wick 2 gun porn? They’re right. And if that’s your thing, this movie is awesome. Seriously. Enjoy!

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43 COMMENTS

  4. As with regular porn, gun porn movies are focused more on the action than the plot, as that’s why it’s being watched in the first place.

  5. And JW II got a 90% Rotten Tomatoes rating. Supremely entertaining gun porn-something TTAG gets accused of but seldom succeeds in doing…

  7. I have seen JW1, more than once.
    I saw JW2 the other day.
    I lost count of all the dead bodies.
    Mr. Wick’s main recipe for death is throw them on the ground with a Jujitsu move, then shoot them in the head.

    One thing I will complement Mr. Reeves is all the work he put in to prepare for all the fight scenes.

    • Most of those throws are Judo throws, not Jiu Jitsu. JJJ has a number of throws, BJJ has a rather limited selection and has poached most of them from Judo because… Judo throws are bettah.

  8. I’m trying to think of the last action movie I walked out of saying “Oh, man but that story arc! The roundness of the characters! Did anyone else catch the villain’s use of repeated onomatopoeia and alteration in that second scene?! God, the dialogue throughout this movie was so EPIC! I wished they’d talk more rather than shoot at each other and blow shit up!” and I’m coming up with nothing.

    • It’s like all of the Schwarzenegger movies from the 80’s:

      1.) Establish paper thin plot, maybe offer 5 minutes of exposition
      2.) Give the guy with an obvious heavy Austrian accent some American sounding name “Hi I’m Ben Richards” NO YOU ARE NOT.
      3.) Mess with his family/friends/double cross him somehow
      4.) Drop one-liner
      5.) Engage God Mode, unlimited ammo cheat code
      6.) Kick wholesale ass, preferably with weapons that most people struggle with
      7.) Drop one-liner
      8.) Kill bad guy
      9.) Wrap it up in a basic ending
      10.) Count money

      • “2.) Give the guy with an obvious heavy Austrian accent some American sounding name “Hi I’m Ben Richards” NO YOU ARE NOT.”

        This made me laugh more than was probably appropriate. Thank you for that.

      • “5.) Engage God Mode, unlimited ammo cheat code”

        I almost spit my breakfast out! That was the best line of all the comments!

  9. One of the best things about John Wick, the first one, was it’s believable plot line.
    Punks kill man’s dog. Man kills everyone.

  10. I saw the switchboard and pneumatic tube system in the trailer, and I assumed since it’s basically a 1-800-assassin call center they stay lo-tech to avoid hacking, eavesdropping etc. Psyched to see it.

  11. Roger Ebert may have been a smarmy, effete snob, but I agree with one thing he said: It’s not what a movie’s about, but how it goes about it.

    If someone goes into John Wick 2 expecting a complex plot and nuanced, well-rounded characters, then the flaw is on their end, not the film’s. It’s a pure, straight-up action movie with no pretension of being anything else, and it wastes no time on superfluous details like shoehorned love interests, annoying comic relief or needlessly convoluted plot threads that entangle the story like kudzu.

    I get it if that’s not your thing, but save the disdain for stuff that really deserves it, like Transformers or Fifty Shades.

  12. Watching Keanu movies; I feel sad for the other half of Bill &Ted. What if, he became the star? Sort of like Tom Hanks. What would the world be like if The other “Busom Buddy” became the star? Peter Scolari must some nights say, I should be Saving Private Ryan. Then continues drinking the pain away……

    • According to Wikipedia and IMDb, Alex Winter’s apparently doing alright for himself these days. It’s just that most of his work is behind the camera.

  13. Gun porn? Does that mean he shoots while wearing heels in bed? Does kill folks with carrots? Thank you Clive Owen, for the most awesome use of a vegatable in a fight scene…….

    • This^^ ×1000 jwm!!! These type of movies+ FPS video games, both of which I’m admittedly ignorant, have changed the range I shoot at. 20 somethings that I would expect to see holding a “feel the bern” sign are instead checking out and renting 1911’s & revolvers to get more well rounded. New people, especially the young and female are becoming potg through these media outlets. I couldn’t be happier! Just this last weekend, I let a young lady (24-26) in the next lane shoot my .357. She walked over to the sales counter soon after and bought a nice 4″ Ruger. She looked at me and thanked me for introducing her to revolvers. 6 .38’s, 6 .357’s and I made a friend and another soldier in our struggle. Please everyone, take a few minutes and spread our “sickness”. Gun people are nice people, be patient and supportive. Help a beginner and encourage the fence sitters. Both are our future allies in the struggle.

  16. Do the gun manufacturers try to tie into movies anymore?

    I’d assume not because of the bad press; and they know if there are great aftermarket upgrades (TTI for example) they’ll get coverage without having their OEM products tied to the violence/porn.

    Paul Barrett’s book did detail the early Hollyweird fascination with Glock.

    • Suffice to day, YES THEY DO. Go see John Wick 2 and you’ll see precisely what I mean. You can not miss it- the Glock-gasm scene in about 5 minutes long….

  18. The John wick movies have transformed shootem-up movies into Bruce Lee level martial arts. The weapon manipulatation is incredible. As for plot…it had enough to keep my girlfriend entertained for 2 hours.

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