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Is That A Rifle In Your Pants Or Are You Just Happy to Go Jail?

By Brandon via

A Ft. Lauderdale man walked into a shop and tried to steal a rifle by putting it down his pants. The shop owner noticed the man limping out of the shop, then followed and confronted him. Marlon Paul Alvarez, 19, now faces grand theft charges stemming from the incident . . .

Alvarez appeared in court Wednesday, where Broward Judge John Hurley described the defendant’s dumb plan:

“You allegedly went into that pawn shop and removed an AK-47 rifle on display and stuck it down your pants,” Hurley said, reading from an arrest report. “After a while, [you] pulled it out, put it back, then grabbed another assault rifle off another display [and] put that down your pants.”

Aaaaaaaaand a Darwin Award.


  1. avatar Grant says:

    Unless the gun discharged and destroyed his equipment there is no Darwin award. If that’s what happened, why leave out the best part of the story?

    1. avatar tdiinva says:


      Just another stupid criminal story.

  2. avatar KingSarc48625 says:

    Unless he blew his junk off, no Darwin for this guy. Not to say one isnt in his future though.

    1. avatar JasonM says:

      Darwin awards are about getting his genes out of the gene pool. This guy will be having a lot of sex in the next 5-10 years, but none of it will have the possibility of ending in pregnancy.

  3. avatar Bill Kohnke says:

    Oh, a short arm inspection that revealed a long arm.

  4. avatar Joe R says:

    This is clearly a story of the vast gun-poor in America, as long as the government is giving away extremely powerful weaponry to ISIS [ DARWIN HERE)] I think they should give small arms away here.

    When a young man needs to steal a firearm to feed his family, err, to provide rims for his truck, err… to support his local violent youth organization, there is clearly a disconnect between the government and those disenfranchised.

  5. avatar John L. says:

    But … but … Aren’t those things supposes to be easily concealable? I mean, after all, the ATF said… Oh, wait.

    1. avatar tmm says:

      Only if it has the shoulder thingy that goes down…the pants

  6. avatar Roscoe says:

    “Is That A Rifle In Your Pants Or Are You Just Happy to Go Jail?”

    Hmm…I thought it was OUR job to come up with the innuendo jokes?

    Good one, Dan.

  7. avatar Rokurota says:

    I think that settles the AK vs AR debate once and for all.

    1. avatar Roy says:

      lol. This is funny. Whose not laughing at this? This was a really good joke.

  8. avatar Geoff PR says:

    I’m reminded of the scene in ‘The Blues Brothers’ when the kid tries to steal a guitar from Ray Charles’s Pawn Shop…

    And Ray has great aim.

    (I tried and couldn’t find the clip…)

      1. avatar Geoff PR says:

        “Our systems have detected unusual traffic from your computer network. Please try your request again later.”


  9. avatar Gregolas says:

    As I started saying within one month of becoming a prosecutor, “Some people are too stupid to be free.”

  10. avatar Ralph says:

    Meanwhile, a seven foot tall man tried stuffing a Mosin Nagant 91/30 down his pants but he gave up on the third try.

  11. avatar Former Water Walker says:

    Yikes- c’mon homie was just trying for concealed carry…

  12. avatar tmm says:

    This is my rifle, this is my gun…

  13. avatar Chris T from KY says:

    If a shop keeper follows a patron carrying a nap sack/ back pack he or she is said to be cautious of a possible shop lifter. If the same shop keeper follows a patron with sagging pants with the space to park a VW auto in you are called a racist, bigot, intolerant etc, etc. The progressives are mentally ill.

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