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It seemed like such a good idea at the time. Or, to use one of our other memes, what could possibly go wrong? Jordan Cardella wanted his ex girlfriend back. Badly. Did he try flowers? Candy? Music? No. Nothing nearly so pedestrian. Cardella wanted a surefire solution. He wanted her to really feel sorry for him. He wanted someone to shoot him…

Cardella figured if his ex heard he’d been shot in a robbery attempt, she’d drop everything, come a-running and comfort him in his time of need. He could have done the deed himself, but had one problem. Cardella’s a felon and having anything to do with a gun is a no-no. You have to admire his respect for the law, don’t you?

So who does a fellon who wants to be shot in the name of love turn to? Why, his two best buddies of course. Buddy number one, Anthony Woodall, didn’t want any part of shooting him. But when Cardella asked buddy number two, Mike Wezyk, he agreed to be the trigger man.

Everybody piled into a car. “They drove to a bar in search of a firearm, but eventually went back to Wezyk’s residence where Wezyk retrieved a rifle. They drove around for a while to find a place to shoot Cardella, and eventually decided at the location of Beech Street at the Oak Creek Parkway in South Milwaukee.”

Wezyk stood 7 to 8 feet from Cardella and asked if he was sure he wanted to be shot. Cardella said he was and asked Wezyk to shoot him in the back three times.

Cardella must have figured he’d need multiple gunshot wounds to generate the heightened level of intense sympathy he was looking for in his former girlfriend.

Wezyk then shot Cardella in the arm, and Cardella immediately slumped over. He asked to be shot again, but Wezyk stated, ‘I’m done.’

No one can accuse Mrs. Wezyk’s boy Michael of not being on top of things. He knew when he’d shot his friend enough for one day.

Wezyk took the rifle home, and Cardella and Woodall headed for Aurora St. Luke’s South Shore Hospital for treatment and to watch their story unravel.

Prosecutor Rawsthorne told the judge there was one more thing. While awaiting the outcome of this case, Woodall and Wezyk went to deliver marijuana to someone, but it turned out to be grass clippings and/or catnip. The victim complained to police.

When was the last time the Milwaukee water system was tested for unhealthy levels of lead? Anyone?

The good news is Cardella has recovered from his injuries. All three have faced various charges, most of them relatively minor considering what could have happened. Wezyk actually apologized to the presiding judge for bringing “something so stupid into your courtroom.” Given the charges and light sentences, there’s a good chance that the Milwaukee County DA and Judge Rebecca Dallet may have taken pity on the three based on the assumption of diminished capacity.

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  1. Didn’t Ted Kennedy try this kind of stunt once in water? I don’t think it worked any better than this one did.

  2. [sarcasm]I’m certainly glad Mr. Cardella has his own comprehensive personal health insurance coverage to pay for his hospital treatment and outpatient follow-up care.[/sarcasm]

    Screw that stupid-ass community service. I would’ve sentenced genius to pay off every effing cent of his hospital bill. With no cash discount.

    • Actually, my fathers insurance had to pay for my brother being the biggest idiot on the face of the earth. So don’t worry, none of your taxes went to my brother being an idiot.


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