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It’s never too early on a Saturday morning for a few gun-handling pro tips: next time you’re “analyzing” your rifle, remember to make sure it’s unloaded. And pointed away from your own shoulder. Oh, and make sure your boogerhook isn’t anywhere near the trigger, either. We bring these up because Marshall Lee Patterson forgot all three of those handy pointers earlier in the year and has only come to grief because of it. Of course, he didn’t help himself any by then blaming the whole incident on a mysterious forest-dwelling black man either…

From Lynchburg, VA, reports:

The sheriff’s office has said that Patterson accidentally shot himself on the afternoon of May 26 at his home on Mays Mill Road in Forest. He initially told investigators a black male shot him; the incident caused lockdowns at four nearby public schools and TEVA Pharmaceuticals as deputies looked for an alleged gunman who was never found.

[Sherriff’s Department Investigator Chris] Cook testified that on May 26 he was assigned to locate Patterson, who had sustained a gunshot wound to his left shoulder. Cook said he briefly talked to Patterson shortly after the incident at Lynchburg General Hospital, where he was being treated, and was told that an alleged shooter had come up through the woods while he was in the yard, fired a shot and run back into the woods.

At an interview held later at the sheriff’s office in Bedford, Patterson changed his story after further questioning and admitted the shooting was self-inflicted, Cook said in court Friday. Cook testified when he asked Patterson why he was being dishonest, his answer was that he was scared because he was a convicted felon and because of getting “grief” from his family.

Cook testified that Patterson was “analyzing” the rifle that fired the shot and accidentally injured himself.

Faithful IGOTD fans will probably notice that when in doubt, self-shooters looking to deflect responsibility for their ND frequently employ the tried and true sumdood storyline. “Officer, I don’t know what happened. I was in my back yard, minding my own business when some dude walked out of the woods, shot me and took off!” Patterson evidently figured that in this case, making Mr. Sumdood a black guy added just the right touch of depth and believability to his already carefully crafted tale.

Marshall Lee has plead not guilty (no, really) to filing a false police report and charges of possession of a firearm by a convicted felon will soon go to a grand jury. That means he’ll likely have plenty of time to fully appreciate the honor that’s been bestowed upon him as TTAG’s IGOTD.

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  1. Why do the criminals always blame “some black dude?” Can these jokers be that unimaginative? One of these days, I hope that a crook will blame “some blond Asian midget woman with a limp,” so all the investigators can go home early.

    • exactly which is why I hope they “accidently” allow this idiot to mix one day with the Brothers in prison and see what they think of his story

  2. I know this guy and the Mr. Zimmerman has no idea of this man’s pain and why someone might have “accidentally” shot themselves might actually cause grief to his family. For “Diggler” (so original of you) when he did spend lots of time in prison, “The Brothers” as you so racially put it, loved him and some still talk to him this day. So once he recovered he gained sobriety and has a beautiful family that he loves and happily lives for. Sometimes we just don’t or will ever know what anyone is actually going through and to just keep our opinions to ourselves unless you have anything nice to say. Respectfully.

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