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I don’t know about you, but when I took my first firearms class focused on defensive use of handguns, the instructor — Randy Cain — made sure everyone memorized Jeff Cooper’s four rules of gun safety:

1.) All guns are always loaded.
2.) Never let the muzzle cover anything you are not prepared to destroy.
3.) Keep your finger off the trigger until the sights are on target.
4.) Be sure of your target and what’s behind it.

Alas, not everyone was fortunate enough to have a teacher sensible enough pass on Cooper’s wisdom . . .

It seems that in Oz, not all of the police have learned these simple, yet effective rules. reports that now former Detective Mark Garner could be sentenced to as much as twenty months in prison for allowing his GLOCK duty weapon to be used in manner for which it wasn’t designed:

A former decorated detective who let a woman use his Glock pistol as a sex toy during a steamy encounter at a [New South Wales] police station will learn if he’ll spend the next 20 months in prison.

Mark Garner began a relationship with the woman, who cannot be named, after she came into the Tweed Heads police station in June 2011 to say she had been sexually assaulted.

On one night in September 2011, while Garner was supposed to be a general duty supervisor at Tweed Heads, he and the woman snuck into the closed Kingscliff police station and had sex in various locations.

During the encounter, the woman used Garner’s police-issued Glock as a sex toy.

Not exactly perfection. And the imaginative use of the pistol wasn’t Garner’s only misdeed. As reported last month in the Sydney Daily Telegraph it turns out that the detective’s relationship with this unnamed woman led to a few other transgressions:

He also admitted to inappropriately accessing police files to gain details of the address of a person who might have taken a laptop owned by the woman.

Garner said the laptop contained photos of the pair in an “intimate session”, which would have been embarrassing and possibly career-destroying if they got out.

He admitted to the court he had tried to assist in her plan to break into the person’s home and retrieve the computer.

The court heard he had been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder in 2012, after years of investigating serious crimes.

The so-called “New South Wales sex pistol cop” is waiting to hear his fate, although the court is apparently evaluating whether or not he could serve the time in the community under strict supervision. Is this the right time for a .40 Short & Weak joke? Probably not. The former detective will be receiving some commemorative hardware that, other than a few sharp edges, shouldn’t present any problems no matter how he and his unnamed friend may decide to use it.

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  1. Big, black, and chunky. Seems this would be the only time they could say that gun owners were “compensating for something”?

  2. I was trying to formulate a Bill Clinton cigar/Monica correlation but simply can’t at this time.

    Ron Jeremy was not available for comment.

  3. He’s gonna get a surprise when he finds out he’ll be the new ‘sex toy’ in prison…

  4. But, was she “banged?”


    Premature e-rack-ulation?

    I’m tired. Long day. That’s all I’ve got!

  5. Clearly it was a 9mm, because she was so dissatisfied with the performance.

    …and/or being Australia, 9mm seems more likely than ‘Murican calibers, all of which start with a ‘4’

  6. And WE’RE the ones who fetishize guns?!

    “She bangs, she bangs…”

    “Hey, are you still using rem oil, or did you try frog lube on your pistol yet?” “Nah, switched to astroglide.”

    Note to self: strike “A.D. barrel” from my repertoire of innuendo to avoid potential confusion.


    Seriously, though. Oww. Just…ow.

      • Mattv2099 didn’t just ‘say’ the glock will operate in a sex lube environment…

        He *Proved* it will operate in a sex lube environment!

  7. Have to agree with the can’t fix stupid comment. What an idiot. Having anything to do with a woman that would want to do that with a pistol is insane.

  8. Well I guess if you can fit a baby in there you can fit a glock. Wonder if he put a raincoat on it after he unloaded it. You know, safe sex.

  9. Just one more reason for me to avoid even touching a Glock… could someone please pass the brain-bleach.

  10. Anytime I am about to forget that the police are the only civilians to be trusted with firearms, something happens to remind me.

    • I’ve heard for 40 years that Aussie men have strange attitudes toward women, and Aussie women allow it. But during Vietnam, those who did not have wives at home very often chose Australia for their R&R vacation, because the women fell all over ANY American man, homely, old, poor, stupid, whatever, because they treated women just as if they were human. BAM!

      I actually saw that once, in Bali on vacation, two Aussie men left their mouth-watering dates alone at the table in a bar, while they went to dance with each other.

  11. With all the dangerous, faulty, etc Glock “misfires” experienced by American police – very lucky indeed.

  12. The comments section on this article is a new low for TTAG. I had my suspicions about the maturity level of the people who frequent this site but now it’s been confirmed. You guys expect anti-gun people to take you seriously after making comments like the ones on this article? Ha, good luck with that.

    • Oh pooh. If the late night talk show hosts had heard of this story, their jokes would have been just as raunchy or more as any of these, but televised nationally on mainstream networks.

      • For real, we don’t have to be so stoic and serious all the time. I think its ok to poke fun at this absurd story

    • Lighten up Francis. The left-lowlifes are 100 times worse…and I don’t recall ever seeing your nom de plume before…

  13. “he and the woman snuck into the closed Kingscliff police station and had sex in various locations.”

    Of the station or of her?

  14. Gives whole new meaning to that old Jefferson Airplane song, “Plastic Fantastic Lover.”

  15. Let’s please all get in the habit of reciting the *five* rules of gun safety, not just the four. The fifth is: Maintain control of your firearm.

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