South Beach. 5:30 am. A Porsche. A car full of women. A holiday weekend. Throw a 29-year-old professional athlete with a .45 pistol into the mix and, well, what could possibly go wrong? “According to the parking attendant, Quarless and another man — identified as Michael Ritchie, a 31-year-old from New York — were leaving the garage in a black Porsche Panamera when they approached a white car filled with several women. An argument ensued, with the attendant hearing the women yell ‘No, get away, leave me alone!'” Apparently public rejection in south Florida is a cue for a young man to assert himself . . .
That’s when Quarless took out a semi-automatic handgun — ID’d by police as a .45 caliber weapon — and fired two shots, one straight up into the sky. Why? When police later interviewed a woman in Quarless’ car, she said he’d fired “in an attempt to emphasize his dominance and manhood.”
While obviously no Rhodes Scholar, Quarless was apparently self-aware enough to realize he’d just stepped over the line.
Police quickly responded when the parking attendant called 911, and found the black Porsche a few blocks away. Quarless was soon found trying to hide in front of Siena Tavern, police say, “attempting to conceal himself and a black firearm in a nearby plant.”
That must be some hibiscus. The big tight end is 6’4″ and goes 252 pounds. Maybe he figured, being that profoundly stupid, the local 5-0 would have trouble distinguishing him from a potted plant.
Police dug the gun out of the plant and later matched rounds found on the ground near the garage with the gun. Quarless was arrested on a misdemeanor account of firing a firearm in public and taken to Turner Knight Guilford Correctional Center for processing.
Quarless can probably afford a good attorney. And he’ll probably need very good one. Maybe he can claim post-concussion syndrome impaired his judgement. Or something.
Packers training camp is less than a month away. Looks like they’ll be in the market for another big, over-the-middle target for Aaron Rodgers. And since Quarless probably won’t be winning anything in the NFL for a while — if ever, now — we’ll be sending him some hardware to fill that spot on his shelf where the Lombardi trophy
would might have gone.