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Irresponsible (Flare) Gun Owner of the Day: Jorge Perez

That persistent burning sensation Jorge Perez felt in his crotch wasn’t gonorrhea. If only. Instead, officers arriving at his Lehigh Acres, FL home found him with some toasty testicles as a result of a flare gun he negligently discharged. According to, “Perez told deputies he was playing with a flare gun that was unloaded.” We guess no one’s ever explained to Jorge that the four rules apply to all guns. “After dry firing the gun a few times, Perez says he then loaded the gun and put it down. When he picked it up, Perez forgot the gun was loaded and fired it at the ground. Perez told deputies the flare round struck the floor and ricocheted into his genital area.” One in a million shot, Doc. One in a million.


  1. avatar jwm says:

    Stupid should hurt. I’m guessing it did this time. Inventive way to get rid of crabs?

    1. avatar Gyufygy says:

      And everyone thought the Underwear Bomber (or the more accurate name, Fire Crotch) was trying to blow up a plane.

    2. avatar g says:

      Or some personal hygiene?

      I guess he won’t have to shave down there… seeing as how the fire probably burned off whatever hair happened to be there…

  2. avatar William says:

    Which was it, ground or floor? Different ricochet characteristics, y’know.

  3. avatar swampsniper says:

    Sounds like a Darwin Award winner!

    1. avatar Rick says:

      How to take yourself out of the gene pool without killing yourself. I wonder if he used the ACME diy vasectomy kit. h/t Wile E. Coyote.

  4. avatar jp says:

    Hopefully this happened before he was able to breed.

    1. avatar Mark says:

      We can only hope…

  5. avatar Paul W says:

    Ah it’s good to hear stupidity can still be painful.

  6. avatar Rick says:

    Fresh roasted nuts? Nah, way too easy. I agree with you JWM and Paul, stupid should hurt. I bet he votes too.

  7. avatar JPD says:

    How does that Elvis song go? I feel my temperature rising Higher, higher It’s burning Hunk a hunk a burning love?

    1. avatar Mark says:

      That explains the little scream after that line.

    2. avatar 16V says:

      I’m thinking a Jerry Lee Lewis’ Great Balls of Fire is even more appropriate…

  8. avatar Lance says:

    Obama tomorrow: Need to ban Evil Red Rifles.

  9. avatar AlphaGeek says:

    It certainly gives new meaning to “those damn hemorrhoids are flaring up again”.

  10. avatar Jesus says:

    That’s the city right next to mine.


    We don’t talk about Lee High Acres

  11. avatar Randy Drescher says:

    Unless he goes to the hospital & a gorgeous supermodel has to rub in the lotion, then I’m buyin me a flare gun, Randy

    1. avatar Jeff R says:

      You probably won’t get the same nurse. Besides, if your genitals are burnt you probably can’t do much with a pretty nurse.

  12. avatar Gregolas says:

    And just how much alcohol was involved in this negligent dischrge, I wonder?

  13. avatar My Name Is Bob says:

    I lol’d

  14. avatar ItsLate says:

    Too Bad he Didn’t Reload…

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