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That persistent burning sensation Jorge Perez felt in his crotch wasn’t gonorrhea. If only. Instead, officers arriving at his Lehigh Acres, FL home found him with some toasty testicles as a result of a flare gun he negligently discharged. According to, “Perez told deputies he was playing with a flare gun that was unloaded.” We guess no one’s ever explained to Jorge that the four rules apply to all guns. “After dry firing the gun a few times, Perez says he then loaded the gun and put it down. When he picked it up, Perez forgot the gun was loaded and fired it at the ground. Perez told deputies the flare round struck the floor and ricocheted into his genital area.” One in a million shot, Doc. One in a million.

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    • And everyone thought the Underwear Bomber (or the more accurate name, Fire Crotch) was trying to blow up a plane.

    • Or some personal hygiene?

      I guess he won’t have to shave down there… seeing as how the fire probably burned off whatever hair happened to be there…

    • How to take yourself out of the gene pool without killing yourself. I wonder if he used the ACME diy vasectomy kit. h/t Wile E. Coyote.

  1. Fresh roasted nuts? Nah, way too easy. I agree with you JWM and Paul, stupid should hurt. I bet he votes too.

  2. How does that Elvis song go? I feel my temperature rising Higher, higher It’s burning Hunk a hunk a burning love?

  3. Unless he goes to the hospital & a gorgeous supermodel has to rub in the lotion, then I’m buyin me a flare gun, Randy

    • You probably won’t get the same nurse. Besides, if your genitals are burnt you probably can’t do much with a pretty nurse.

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