(This is a reader gun review contest entry, click here for more details – enter by December 26th!)
By Aaron James
After more than 100 years spent focused on food manufacturing, Kellogg’s waded into uncharted waters last year with the introduction of their new line of pistols, simply called Pop-Tarts. Given the challenges of an already crowded market, it was a brave move. I decided to pick up their flagship model to see if Kellogg’s Pop Tart has what it takes to hang with the big boys, or if it’s simply a marketing gimmick designed to cash in on the ever-expanding industry. After a quick trip to the QuikTrip, I had the hot little pastry in hand. I went straight home to get the lowdown on their fresh new offering. The results were somewhat surprising . . .
Overall Appearance
The packaging of the Pop-Tart is bright and crisp. The model I went for is chambered in strawberry filling (a caliber I’m not familiar with). It’s also offered in gauges ranging from blueberry to ground cinnamon, should those tickle your fancy.
Opening the device revealed surprise #1: some modification of the weapon is required before it will function properly. I called the customer service number on the back of the package to see if maybe I had mistakenly received a pre-production model or prototype. The operator was of no assistance, so I decided to soldier on using nothing but my considerable firearms experience as a guide.
I was struck by the size, or lack thereof in certain measurements. Length and height are roughly comparable to most micros and derringers currently available, but the width is stunningly slim 0.375”. That’s only ⅜”! All those decades spent cramming maximum calories into sugary breakfast cereals have apparently really paid off in the R&D on this gun.
Fit and Finish
In a word: flashy.
I guess they were going for the flourishing female market in this gun’s design, because this thing looks like it was bedazzled by a 7-year-old. Some may appreciate the loud exterior, but as for me, I’m not impressed. Worse yet, the colorful appearance wasn’t applied evenly — heavy in some places, almost non-existent in others. I’m not sure if they were attempting a GLOCK nibs-style grip surface or if they truly had a child spray paint the one I got.
Disassembly
The good news: it’s very easy to disassemble. The bad news: once broken down, it stays that way. It’s a bit like frying an egg; you know all the parts are still there from when you started, but there’s no way it’ll ever go back to the way it was. I spent nearly an hour trying to get it back the way it came out of the box, but to no avail. One positive note is that it doesn’t require a trigger pull to field strip it. And speaking of the trigger….
Handling Characteristics
Something’s not quite right with the Pop-Tart’s go-pedal. I just can’t quite put my finger on it.
What’s the word I’m looking for…mushy? Yeah, it’s mushy. I didn’t have my fish scales handy to test the weight, which turned out to be a moot point anyway, because I had no way of knowing what constituted its breaking point. No clicks, no clacks, no bells; nothing. As for re-set forget about it. There’s virtually no way to tell when you’re good to go for follow-up shots. Which brings us right to the most damning critique thus far….
It Wouldn’t Fire
No ifs, ands, or bangs about it. My Pop-Tart pistol just would not fire. I couldn’t manage to send a single round downrange. I jiggled it, wiggled it, even rubbed it in that special place my wife told me about, but the damn thing refused to shoot. It’s just as well I suppose, as given its thin profile, it would probably make it a bear to hang onto during double-taps.
Summary
I give Kellogg’s credit for taking a bold step into a new market, but this pistol is not a winner. While it has some features that make it unique, there are simply too many execution errors to overlook (the inability to fire a projectile being the most egregious). Given that, I can’t in good conscience recommend that anyone — of any age — rely on the Pop-Tart pistol for personal protection.
Specifications:
MSRP: $.69
Ratings (out of five stars):
Style * * *
All that bling may not be your cup of tea (it’s not really mine), but there’s something to be said for getting away from the same old boring Tenifer or Melonite finish.
Ergonomics (carry) * * * * *
There are a lot of guns out there that have sold themselves based on their svelte profiles. The KelTec P3AT and Double-Tap come immediately to mind as two super-slim entries. But none of them are even in the same ballpark as the Pop-Tart’s .375″. Slip one in your pocket and you’ll never know it’s there.
Ergonomics (firing) *
That thinness that works so well in terms of carry and concealment is a definite drawback when firing the Pop-Tart postal. Well, it would be if I could have gotten it to fire. Probably.
Customize this * * *
This one’s a mixed bag. Since by its nature you can craft your Pop-Tart gun into almost any shape revolver or pistol your imagination (and incisors) can dream up, it’s almost infinitely configurable. But trying to attach a laser, light, or a set of Tritium night sights was pretty much a disaster. I wouldn’t recommend it.
Overall
I’m a big fan of the Pop-Tart pistol. I really am. Which is why it’s ultimately such a disappointment. It’s ultra-affordable, fun to put together, and very distinctive-looking. And it’s built for just about everyone (other than possibly type 2 diabetics). Still, based on the fact that it ultimately failed to fire every time I tried, I had to give this thing zero stars. I sincerely hope the next model out of Battle Creek is more successful.
Dude while it will go through airport security, it is guaranteed to get you suspended from school!
Does the ATF consider these 80% complete when you buy them?
They do, except when they want to raid you, then they don’t….or if they are manufactured by Ares Armor, then they defiantly do not. All depends upon who get get on any given day.
Winner. But tell me, is it California legal? Does it have 10 Rd mags?
Are you kidding me? It’s not ca legal for a whole host of reasons. For starters it’s not on the “approver roster list” and it has a higher caloric capacity than allowed.
And all of the ingredients are on CA’s know cancer-causing agent list.
Nice. I look forward to the YouTube review, especially the unboxing.
NIce! I had a good chuckle out of this one. I am glad I had an empty coffee cup or my laptop might be having some problems right now.
Winner.
I understand that Kellogg’s has a secret caliber designed especially for meth cooks. It provides maximum protection from intrusion by those pesky pol-lice while minimally effecting the user due to lack of olfactory sensors.
.
I am loath to reveal the caliber to the outside world, but alas, I must: “TomCatPiss filling”
.
The nutrition facts posted under specifications was absoutely hilarious. I wish I thought to do this.
Best gun review ever!!! Made my mouth water!!
Great review. I look forward to reading your reviews of the hand-held-in-the-shape-of-a-gun, the picture-of-a-gun, the saying-the-word-“gun”-gun, and the Helly Kitty Bubble Gun.
I have a Christmas wish – send this to the idiotic administrators who suspended the pop tart violator.
Well, you can send an email to the school district at [email protected] Unfortunately, the Superintendant who was in charge is now at Prince George’s County School district.
I’ll 1-up your wish. We need to send this to Shannon Watts at Moms Demand Action. Maybe they will waste a month or two trying to bully Kellogg’s into discontinuing Pop-Tarts, For The Children ya know. That would be just as effective at reducing violence as anything else they try to do.
This was awesome! I’m glad that you did not review a chocolate PopTart. The black ones are unnecessarily scary looking.
you mean the Assault Pop tarts??
Racist.
Well done, sir.
Aaron James. Excellent and informative review. I look forward to your reviews of the “finger gun” and “umbrella rifle”.
Seconded. Regarding “finger gun” and “umbrella rifle” reviews, I will beg if necessary.
Best article on TTAG ever.
I especially loved the very believable confusion that it doesn’t fire. I needed a pick me up this morning and this…did it.
If this doesn’t win I’m going to throw a fit!
Dang. I’m still laughing.
Awesome!
Think of the possibilities, though. Talk the Battle Creek brass into introducing a model chambered in garlic, and you can use this bad boy against vampires.
can’t….stop….laughing…..
PS–Maybe it wouldn’t fire because he assembled it incorrectly–he obviously didn’t use his teeth….
Psh, that old thing’s time has come and gone. Any serious PotG would tell you that the Pillsbury Toaster-Strudel Pistol is clearly the superior firearm. You can dunk it in milk or completely cover it in frosting for ten minutes and it’ll still be just as tasty. All my pastry guns are PILLSBURY brand PILLSBURY!
Of course the strudel is superior as it’s based on the Austrian original. Honestly, I would have expected better from a company based in *Battle Creek*.
I suggest we reopen the vote for pistol of the year. This would easily beat the P320. Well done review!
Beats the remington R-51 by a frosting slide!
It is a lot prettier than my Glock, especially with the sprinkles. I also like the lack of an external safety and the short break in period. I prefer the brown sugar cinnamon because the internals match FDE color.
Even though it does not fire, just knowing that, can be helpful in a DGU. I would rather carry this gun than a Remington R51.
Deserving of a most excellent belly laugh!
Did the QuikTrip make you fill out a Form 4473?
Of course not. It was unfinished and unserialized. Now, our poster did in fact finish the product in his home but it can remain unserialized as long as it remains in his sole possession.
Ahhhh….he bought it as an 80% pop tart gun!
I think you meant “uncerealized”.
I was chuckling through the whole article.
I lost it at the “specifications”.
…well done! But, will it blend?
Very well done! Great read.
I’m guessing Micheal Bloomburg is having his staff snatch up MAPTG.com/org/net as we read this. Mayors Against Pop-Tart Guns will be holding their first rally at the headquarters of Kellogg’s later this month.
How does the reviewer expect the gun to fire when he didn’t load it?
Honestly, TTAG has some really boneheaded reviewers. Worthless gun reviews.
(/sarc, of course, but we all know the type of commenter I’m satirizing, threatening to rage quit because we dissed his favorite gun or didn’t slam a polymer pistol for being polymer.)
Liking it – I agree. Winner.
Winner. So much win.
Kinda drug on. I got bored quickly. Sorry
I’m afraid my tired old arthritic hands would not be able to handle the recoil from such a formidable looking weapon!
Give him the prize now. Well done on a piece others may have toasted!
I have never enjoyed being trolled so much in my entire life. That was epic.
“but the damn thing refused to shoot”
Nice review of a very popular weapon. The failure-to-fire is a common result in all Caliber Strawberry Filling models, so common they call it the Strawberry Jam. Once you break down the Pop-Tart, the thing is pretty much toast. Fancy toast, but toast. Moms Demand Action received a pre-assembled model in the mail. The enclosed note just said “you want action? Here’s an action, fully baked: Eat it.” Pushing the limits of concealability naturally leads to a crummy weapon. Stomach carry is obviously going to involve frequent misfeeds.
Strawberry is a weak caliber suitable only for small women and little children. Prune is the only way to go.
A Prune Pop-Tart will result in a negligent discharge.
Several times…
Hahaha!
Prune . . . a warrior’s caliber!
So can you FrogLube that thing?
I see issues with fouling. ‘though probably not until you have a few hundred rounds down the pipe. Be that as it may.
Does it incorporate the new Bean-o noise suppressor?
BAD BOY! BAD GUN!!! Go directly to the Principal’s Office! You are gonna be suspended forever!
I can hear Kellogg’s attorneys discussing the upcoming lawsuit from what I am.
Where. That what should be “where”. And where did my 4 minute edit button go?
Funny. Pop tart gun. Some disassembly required. Does not go pop.
Did TTAG turn into a better version of the onion? Anyway I think I have that very gun in stock!
“I jiggled it, wiggled it, even rubbed it in that special place my wife told me about, but the damn thing refused to shoot.”
Now *that* was un-expected…
I’m just surprised nobody’s mentioned him running a pop tart through a laser cutter for this article. I didn’t read a word after that photo, I just laughed at the fact that someone made a 1911 out of a pastry with anything other than their teeth.
+1 for the photo alone!
Sorry, everyone else can quit now. This guy wins.
You winz the internetz today! Great review!
this was very solid. great write up!
Nicely done.
Expect the prices to come down. The market has been flooded with them since Newtown.
*slow clap*
Very well done. Kudos
I don’t know if I agree with this review……Gun and Ammo gave this model five stars in every category……right after the two page Kellogg’s ad.
OH, Snap!
Lol.
If you go to Costco you can get the high capacity type.
I may have missed the entire point of this article, but I am confused. Isn’t the pop tart actually only a sub-assembly for a larger incendiary–based device? I thought this was to fit into one of the two loading chambers for a standard household toaster, the electric cord does limit your mobility, but once one duct-tapes down the toaster trigger, to allow high continuous heat for combustion, the end result is quite impressive.
Even if he is a member of the main stream comedy media, Dave Barry already provided detailed instructions on assembling such a flame-based toaster pastry device, and I believe on the inter-tubes there are videos of the destructive pyrotechnic power of the simple pop tart.
(Well done sir…you had me at the spec sheet!)
At least it functions better than an R51, its not even edible!
Contest over, this has to be the winner!
Standing O. Bravo!!!
This is my favorite so far.
But being me, I do have complaints.
Have you put at least 200 through it? If so, where are the targets?
You have a typo. Right there. Postal, where it should say pistol. Where the hell was the editor here? This isn’t amateur hour. People are reading TTAG, not Cracked. Lets get it sorted.
Well done Aaron. I enjoyed it greatly.
(Oh, also, I have kids who might hear me using this pistol, is there a suppressed option? That wrapper seems loud)
Pure win!
I doubt its utility here in the Pacific Northwest, where resistance to the effects of humidity is extremely important. I don’t think I could rely on one in the rain.
“My toaster pastry’s melting, in the dark,
All the sweet frosting and sprinkles, flowing down,
Someone left the Pop Tart in the rain,
I don’t think that I can take it
‘Cause it took so long to bake it
And I’ll never have that firearm again…..
Oh no!”
MacArthur Park has to be pretty much my least favorite song of all time…but my wife insisted on a Pop Tart in the rain verse….
This was awesome.
Here’s a cool idea: making homemade gun-shaped cookies. Like animal cookies, but in the shape of distinct firearms.
I use a cookie cutter to cut a shape of an AK-47, an AR-15 or even a pistol into the dough and then have a charity bake sale in a gun rally or near a gun shop or Kroger. I could even upload an ad advertising for these gun cookies:
“Hmm…these gun-shaped pop-tarts taste like crap…maybe I can help. Gun cookies!”
This. Was. Awesome.
Definitely a winner for me.
I always like to say comedy is hard. And it is, but this made me laugh, and so did most of the comments.
Great review! Though I think we’d all like to see it in 45ACP.
Speaking of pop-tart guns,…
https://www.etsy.com/listing/159602703/ak47-cookie-cutter-made-to-order-j0106
I think I found my cookie cutter right ‘ere.
Not appropriate for Type 2 diabetics… Crap. There’s always a catch.
Aside from that detail, this is my favorite gun review ever.
Ding ding ding ding ding!!!
I think we have our winner.
So I just picked one up yesterday but because of work I didn’t get to take it to the range right away. This morning along with some coffee I desided to assemble it. It didn’t take to long but I did have the same issue. I could not get it to fire. I tried slapping the mag and even dropping it. I thought it might no be well lubricated so I tried so aftermarket vanilla ice cream. Still Nothing would do it. If anyone has any ideas please let me know. Maybe my local gun smith can do some work to it. I’ll check some forums in the meantime.
That pic on top looks more to me like a B2 Stealth Bomber.
You guys are playing with real fire here! 🙂
Win.
I’m sick and tired of latest-newfangled-thing fanboys going on and on about the superior properties of their self-defense pastries. I use cinnamon toast. Always have. Always will. It gets the job done and has been around for over 100 years. It was good enough to whip the Kaiser, the Nazis and Tojo’s bunch. It’s tried and tested. Jeff Cooper ate cinnamon toast.
Yeah, all those people with their cheez whiz guns, thinking they’re better than cinnamon toast. Well we know better. They didn’t come up with the phrase “greatest thing since sliced bread” for nothing.
I read that in feudal Japan, the shadowy Umami baker clans mouth-crafted a type of flatbread handloaded with tetrodotoxin from the pufferfish. They disguised these, so they could be carried without reprisal by the Shogun, as a common katana or wakizashi.
You just need to send it back to Kellog’s. They’ll take a look at it, figure out its failure to fire was a rare anomaly, and get it fixed up for you. You can then update your review, and give the pistol five stars.
It looks pretty sweet to me:)
Can anyone tell me if a permit is required to carry this in Indiana?
35 Carbohydrates is a ridiculous amount of barrel length! And the WEIGHT! oh dear god, THIS is a diabeticopkiller!
This reviewer is missing the point. I’ve carried the PTG for years. He left out a lot of things that us average Joe Americans want. Sure they’re cheap. Even more importantly you can buy them almost anywhere. Heck, you can buy the things at the grocery store. I bought a pack of six of them myself yesterday. The case they came in was cheap and didn’t have room for any accessories but the PC crowd will like that it is recyclable.
The most important thing is the fact that you can legally purchase the PTG in all 50 states and without a permit. You can legally carry it anywhere and even the TSA gropers won’t give you a second look. Heck, you can even let your kids carry the thing. The only credible threat out there is the sugar-grabber-in-chief of the socialist republic of New York.
Yeah, I’ve never had to fire the thing on the street but I’ve spent enough days at work wearing the remnants of misfires on my shirt to know that the thing will fire. I wouldn’t call it reliable and it ain’t no 44 cal but I’m not gonna get that 44 into my 5 year old’s school Barney party either am I? I’ll take the PTG over nothing any day.
My guess is the reviewer is a Glock-snob who needs to get out from behind his desk and see the PTG for what it is. Trust me, the PTG is in better taste than any gun I’ve tried unless you like the after burn of Eezox.
Best review! Hope he wins the bacon maker!
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