It’s called gynecomastia. Less formally moobs. A condition not unknown to Germany’s Bosch. And so German High Commander [sic] bankrolled Gynecomastia in German Soldiers: Etiology and Pathology. “Published last year in the journal GMS Interdisciplinary Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery, [the study] analysed the plight of 211 male German soldiers who suffered from, or at least exhibited, one or two enlarged breasts.” . . .
The study’s authors, Prof Björn Dirk Krapohl, Dr Dietrich Doll, and four colleagues at Bundeswehrkrankenhaus, the German Armed Forces Hospital in Berlin, played detective. They set out “to investigate the increased incidence of left-sided gynecomastia in members of the German Ministry of Defense Guard Battalion who perform ceremonial duties in Berlin … A possible explanation is the mechanical impact of the carbine against the left side of the body during the drills that these soldiers regularly perform as part of their ceremonial duties”.
So tucking a rifle into your shoulder pocket repeatedly makes breasts grow? Without surgery? Wait ’til they hear that in the San Fernando Valley.
Seventy-five percent of the gynecomastiacal Guard Battalion chest-slappers had an enlarged left – only the left, not the right – breast.
The other patients – the non-chest-slappers – as a group showed neither sinister nor dexter breastedness. One third of them did have an enlarged left breast only. But another third of them had only a big right breast. The third third had a big pair.
Maybe the German army’s using estrogen cream instead of CLP to lube their G36s.
So why haven’t American drill teams developed double-D syndrome? Do they just have more effective manziers than our Teutonic cousins? Maybe it’s all been kept secret because of an elaborate military cover-up. So to speak. Pictures at 11. Or not.