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It’s that time of year again. Yup. Football season. The one time of year people of all religions, colors and creeds celebrate America’s favorite pastime. Baseball! Meanwhile, the NFL is sucking up the money, TV time, money and firearms metaphors. There’s a whole lot of shootin’ going on. First, the gunslinger. I’m not talking about Billy the Kid and his Colt single action .44. I’m talking about the guy behind the center armed with a leather bullet ready to fire some bombs towards his enemies. Insert Payton Manning—I mean quarterback of choice) from the center position, firing his own rounds down field hoping for an accurate strike, like a gunslinger . . .

Then there’s Americas favorite weapon, the shotgun. I don’t mean a Benelli Super Black EAGLE II 12-GA Slug Gun. I’m talking the Shotgun Position, where our quarterback stands seven yards from the center and his trusty sidekick the running back stands directly next to him. He’s waiting for the pig skin to be fired into his hands so he can sling the ball downfield at an open target.

The Shotgun position is sometimes streamlined. The quarterback calls it the Pistol Offense. It’s a different version of the shotgun. Think sleek, like the Winchester® Super X Pump 26” barrel .12 gauge shotgun. The Pistol Offense allows the quarterback to stand four yards from his center and his buddy, the running back, lines up three yards directly him. It leaves the quarterback with less time to make a decision but better options when it comes to creating a play that’s fast paced.

Like a gunslinger in the old Wild West, the quarterback can challenge his enemy with the draw. Handing his bullet off to a quicker running back with a shot right up the gut, shredding the line like a Heckler and Koch MP5 9mm submachine gun. Are there other parallels between football and armed self-defense? Thanks for asking . . .

If you plan on a run-n-gun, invest in a light sub-compact pistol, like the Taurus Millennium PRO .45. With any good offense, you got to have options, especially when it comes to thwarting a good defense.

If you’re planning on being robbed, carry a Smith and Wesson Model 340PD .357 Magnum somewhere on your person. If you’re the quarterback of a team, hang onto the ball. Make the opposing team chase you, drawing the bad guys away from rookie players.

Some people consider soccer a better sport in terms of its real world strategic insight. They point to Vietnam as a perfect example of America’s football culture ill-effects on real world conflict. Soccer! That’s the game to study.

Maybe so. But football has its lessons for armed self-defense too. Like never say die and win one for the Gipper! And, especially, Vince Lombardi’s famous quote (for which he received a highway rest stop): winning isn’t everything. It’s the only thing.

[h/t to Jeremy for the video]

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  1. Nowadays the chance of getting robbed, raped, or shot by an NFL player is higher than ever. Stay armed and pass them the lead ball when they try to “tackle” your wife.

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