Christmas Movie Review in July: Fatman

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By David Whitsell

[Caution: Spoilers Ahead]

I love the holidays and I love guns. Why not put the two together? Fortunately for me and you, dear reader, Mel Gibson has done just that. Yes, a movie featuring Mel Gibson as Santa…or rather Chris Kringle. Or just “Chris.”

The gist of this oddly ballistic Christmas story is there are a few people who are unhappy with Santa and want to take him out . . . but Santa, it seems, is hard to kill. You might even say he’s a lethal weapon.

‘Fatman’ is a great 2A “trojan” in that it’s about Santa and Christmas but one in which many — including me — didn’t see the guns or the Second Amendment message coming. That’s how you get disparate results like this:

Fatman movie mel gibson
Rotten Tomatoes

Santa is armed because the bad guys are armed. And Santa isn’t just packing, the Jolly Old Elf is packing a 1911. If its good enough to win two world wars and passes muster with Santa….but I digress.

The jolly old elf doesn’t mess around.

Even Mrs. Claus is packing in this flick. I could not make out the black powder handguns she and Santa have, and IMFDB has nothing so far, so I’ll punt to our astute readers in the comment section to enlighten us on Santa’s guns of yesteryear.

Lots of AR platform rifles appear in Fatman, many of them suppressed.

I do however know an AR platform rifle when I see one and lots of them make cameo appearances during the movie’s one hour and forty minute run time. There are plenty of other guns and accessories as well, as well as other weapons including bombs and even an improvised wooden club.

Did I mention that Santa teams up with the DoD at one point? That really bumps up  the weapons count.

The bad guy, played by Walton Goggins, wields a mall-ninjaesque, spring loaded blade to much effect. This versatile actor gives a great performance here, although I can never get seem to get his part in Sons of Anarchy out of my mind.

The acting in ‘Fatman’ is surprisingly solid all around, not an easy task given it tries to be equal parts fantastical and gritty.

The only problem I have is a tiny touch of wokeness that rears its head midway through the film. There is a scene where Santa gets letters from adults who thank him for the toys they received many years ago: boy chef got an oven and girl firefighter got a truck. But hey, it could happen. There really is or was a Saint Nicholas after all.

Fatman is one of those, “For what it is, it’s great” kind of movies. It’s got Mel, Santa, and guns, if you like any one of the three, it’s time well spent.

SPECIFICATIONS: Fatman

Caliber: 45 North Pole FMJ
Length: 140 minutes
Action: DA/SA
Finish: Bearded
Price: Free (if you know where to look online)

RATINGS (out of five bullets):

Style * * * * *
It comes at you sideways. Definitely creative. Comical, yet philosophical. It’s True Grit on peppermint.

Reliability * * * *
The story drags in a few places. Santa’s involvement with the Military Industrial Complex raises more questions than it answers.

OVERALL * * * *
Fatman is one of the few good things to come out of 2020.

 

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54 COMMENTS

  1. That cap and ball looks like a Walker Colt.

    If your son wants to be a chef, all great chefs are men, why wouldn’t you encourage his passion at Christmas?

    Same with your daughter. She says she wants to be a fire fighter? Why not?

    That’s not being woke. Blaming every thing on the white man, that’s woke.

      • From his “The Shield” character’s alias “Cletus VanDam”. Both shows have some of the same writers and actors and are inextricably linked with the same canon. Similar are “Deadwood” and “Justified”, which also share some actors with the previous two.
        Re: Gibson, if you haven’t seen “Dragged Across Concrete” stop everything and go watch it.

    • “Same with your daughter. She says she wants to be a fire fighter? Why not?”

      Ok Boomer 😏. You’ve been living in silly California-land for too long. It is time for an honest West Virginia reality check.

      Here is why not.

      Firefighters need to be able to drag big heavy unconscious people out of burning buildings.

      Firefighting is about protecting people and property, not self actualization.

      Yes, maybe one woman in a hundred can probably do a good job at firefighting. Generally speaking however, they don’t belong there (or in combat etc.)

      Women don’t have the upper body strength of men, and cannot move as quickly as men. When doing highly strenuous tasks, they are far more likely to be injured (look at injury statistics from the military). Odds are that your daughter getting that job will put everyone at higher risk (public, other firefighters, and herself). Her being on the force usually means that a better male candidate was passed over.

      More importantly than all that is the fact that bearing and nurturing young children is way more important to society than firefighting, and more deeply satisfying on a personal level in the long run.

      The hour is late, and our society is collapsing. Let’s speak truthfully rather than constantly repeating pleasant sounding lies.

      • Meh. Not that big a deal.

        Nobody’s saying that all women should become firefighters. It’s a vanishingly tiny number of them that would even want to in the first place. For those who do and are capable (I’m willing to assume that any woman that gets hired is fully able to do whatever her job), more power to them. Go fight fires with my gratitude.

        Our society isn’t collapsing because women are being admitted to physically demanding professions. It’s collapsing for many reasons that are far larger than that. Removing the feminist-created stigma from motherhood and reversing the postmodern socialist destruction of the family would surely help…but simply saying “you’re a woman, so you shouldn’t do X” isn’t going to.

        • “I’m willing to assume that any woman that gets hired is fully able to do whatever her job”

          That is an incorrect assumption. Look at the US military standards for men and women. The standards for women are much lower. Our military is now weaker because of the lowered standard.

          Clearly our society isn’t collapsing because of a few girls dreaming of becoming firefighters. Our society is collapsing for thousands of reasons. The destruction of the family, disrespect for motherhood, low birthrates, caused in part by feminism are several substantial factors.

          It is time to address lies wherever we see them.

        • Close to 12% of US firefighters are female. Similar percentage of police — and many police departments are part of something called “30 by 30” — aiming to make 30% of police women by 2030.

          So your assumption that the number of women wanting to do such jobs is vanishing rare, is as wrong as your assumption that they’re hired for these jobs because they’re qualified for them. With the destruction of gender roles in society along with the destruction of everything rational and traditional, many women are pushing into roles that would be better suited to men, and with woke quotas, you can bet unqualified people are being hired.

      • Art you need to be in the kitchen baking me some cookies. If anyone in America and I mean ANYONE has the will, the drive and desire to make something of themselves in any field then you need to appreciate that and sit the f down and stay the f out of their way.

        • Women police & firepersons are a joke, they really cant do the job. When they try to physically do the job it doesn’t end well. Seen it first hand

        • Little Debbie here probably believe Bruce Jenner is a beautiful woman.

          On the other hand some of us live in the world of biological reality.

        • The male ego is curiously fragile- it strikes out impulsively when its virulence is exposed.

        • change your moniker form Debbie to Mary sue . I spoke to my adult daughter and my granddaughter and they both agree that the “you go girl” has gotten out of hand. btw shouldn’t you be roundhouse kicking large groups of 6’4″ eastern European spec op commandos into the dire? Peter can wipe the dust from your boots when you are done.

        • I watched a video of Katelyn Ohashi (a gymnast in her prime) trying to run a Marine Corp obstacle course. She couldn’t even finish for that matter she couldn’t even do some of the obstacles correctly. I would rather have a 5’5″ 145 pound man show up to carry my 180 pound butt out then a 5’8″ 145 pound woman.

        • No. Reality isn’t so easily ignored. Will, Drive & Desire are admirable, but not magic elixirs. Tiffany isn’t transformed into whatever, just because she and woke culture wish it into being.

        • Big E gets close to the root of the problem. Women wanting to be firefighters, police officers, or join any other profession that once was reserved to men, is not the problem. There are valuable roles for women to play in almost every profession.

          The problem is that the “progressive” model of society insists on treating women and men as interchangeable widgets, with women being the superior widget by virtue of some magical quality that in reality boils down to a lack of testosterone.

          And this patent falsehood is drummed into the heads of everyone — and especially women — as if it is a transcendent moral truth. And when reality conflicts with this pseudo-religious vision, as it will in painfully obvious ways, many people would rather harm themselves — and everyone else — than admit it. This is self-harm at an existential level, and it has existential implications for any society that indulges in it en masse.

          THAT is the problem. Women in previously male professions, by itself, is not.

        • This is why it’s important to pay attention to words… words matter.

          Pay attention to the words Debbie W. wrote- “If anyone in America and I mean ANYONE has the will, the drive and desire to make something of themselves in any field then you need to appreciate that…”.

          Nowhere does she say, suggest, or even hint that ANYONE should be given a job based on ANYTHING other than their ability to do the job. Having will, drive, and desire to make something of oneself in a field is what she said should be APPRECIATED- she DOES NOT SAY that success (or even getting the job) is guaranteed.

          The constitutive principle here is character- one’s character has nothing to do with one’s sex. And those who presuppose another’s character based solely on sex exhibits a woeful lack of the very character they are miscomprehending in others.

          One exhibits character through their distinct words, actions, and deeds- all of which will speak for themselves. Misapprehension of character is objectively indefensible.

          I will openly disagree with anyone claiming that a job should be bestowed to someone who has not earned the right to hold the position by meeting or exceeding all of the requirements deemed necessary for the job by the most appropriate people in the position to make an informed decision about said job. I will also acknowledge that if it turns out that if individuals of only one sex continually prove best suited for specific job positions, that’s fine- the best person for the job should get the job.

          What I will not do, however, is predecide for ANYONE what their strengths or weaknesses are- and especially the content of their character. I believe it is malicious to even suggest to anyone that they should not even attempt to embody their will, drive, and desire TOWARDS ANY GOAL THAT THEY SO CHOOSE.

          Not only do I appreciate individuals who endeavor to attain transcendent character…

          I SALUTE THEM!

      • Art out west. I’ve got two sisters that could probably kick your ass even though their both in their 60’s, so watch it with that “boomer” crap.
        It’s true that most women couldn’t and shouldn’t do some jobs, it doesn’t mean that all of them can’t.

    • My middle son (13yo) is an aspiring chef and he’s quite good. He often talks about owning his own restaurant. He also frequently plays a significant role in creating our family meals.

      Though I get the ‘woke’ implications of that spot in the move, it’s at least not utter ridiculousness like a little girl asking for a sledgehammer because she wants to be a concrete worker or a boy wanting new dresses so he can feel pretty as his chosen gender. 🤮

      • That raises an important question.
        Bruce Willis or Mel Gibson? Who is the better action star? I’d probably go Gibson, because he is funnier.

        • Gibson, because of versatility. Apocalypto is one of the greats. If you haven’t seen it , get it . Passion of the Christ is also a classic in the non-action genre.

    • “Die Hard 1 and 2 are Christmas movies.”

      This sounds like someone remembered ‘Scrooged’, where the opening was a short called ‘The Night The Reindeer Died’ (Starring Lee Majors!)

      Search YouTube for ‘The Night The Reindeer Died’, it’s worth it… 😉

      • “Die Hard” has a major radio gaffe…”Die Hard 2″ goes to great lengths to correct that…and (apparently) the batteries never die in these movies…

    • He spends all night in a tower hiding from Allan Rickman. Die Hard is a Harry Potter Christmas movie.

  2. Sounds like something I would love to see and sounds like something that is going to get a lot of democRat panties in a wad.

    Fitting after son-in-law Kenny Wayne Shepard who I knew indirectly when he was a young teen and looked like Cousin It on the Addams Family. Yes some people who assume they are holier than thou are members of democRat Party which is the party of slavery, segregation, Jim Crow, Eugenics, etc. got all bent out of shape about Shepard’s Dukes of Hazard replica Dodge. As if when watching Dukes of Harzard prompted viewers to burn crosses and lynch Black Americans like the Gun Control military wing of the democRat Party better known as the KKK did in fact do.

    Shepard being a one track mind guitarist was probably not aware of the aforementioned facts about the party of his accusers and caved and mothballed the vehicle.

    Frankly Kenny, you should man-up and write a song that demands the democRat Party make Monetary Reparations.for its “Laundry List” of race based atrocities. You do that and we’ll give you a very special top shelf 1974 Stratocaster beautifully signed below the bridge by Johnny Winter and Edgar Winter in 1974 with a certificate of authenticity. It’s name is Winter Wonderland.

    • Kenny Wayne Shepard’s ‘Blue on Black’ with Five-Fingered Death Punch’ was one of the coolest music vids in recent memory…

  3. Yeah. Looks like a walker. A dragoon would have a latch for the ramming level.

    Looks like fun……I love Walter Goggins characters….reminds me of 3 or 4 people I’ve known rolled into one.

    Looks like fun

    • Sure why not?!? Saw Tomorrow War on Amazon(my son got it). Great hyperviolent flick with a multitude of cool guns. Highly recommended by me…

      • and me!
        One of my fav parts was when ‘you know who’ was rocking the 50 cal. I was cheering…Love movies that shows how us monkeys will eff you up!

      • Tomorrow War proves hokey can be taken to amazing new levels… but it’s all in good fun.

        I guess nothing with Chris Pratt in it can be taken too seriously… and that’s just fine- he’s funny.

        It was entertaining to see a mashup of Starship Troopers, Edge of Tomorrow, and so many plays on scenes from many of the biggest sci-fi/action flicks in modern history.

        It was fun… but I’m glad I didn’t pay good money to see it in a theater.

  4. I enjoyed it. Rented it twice. It is a different take of Kris Kringle. But according to the Dresden Files, Kris is a member of the Winter Court so you would expect a slight dark side.

  5. Walton Goggins was in “Justified” as Boyd Crowder; never saw him in “Sons of Anarchy”.

  6. I can’t wait for the sequel, when Rudolph contracts rabies and conducts a reign of terror in a small North Pole town. Is Dee Wallace still working? She could appear in a cameo.

    She could say something like “I am here to kick Cujo and chew bubble gum — and I’m all out of Cujo.”

    This is gonna be big.

  7. LOL , I used to scare the hell out of my kids with my Sandy Claws impersonation.
    A combination of Santa Claus and Freddy Keuger. Ho ho ho what fun.

  8. Okay, TTAG and word press. This makes twice I’ve been moderated and it did not post. Both comments were non controversial, non racist, not political, or religious, not sexist, did not use profanity.
    That moderation started right after I commented on my love for America.

    • That’s where you went wrong. Next time include a bunch of Fucking cursing, comments about butt sex, slurs about the Juden, how women are stupid, and wine about your personal life.

      I don’t believe in any of this. This is just a hilarious filter test.

      • My wine and personal life, whoo man , where do I begin???
        Okay. You see there once was a woman on a stranded island, the only thing there was fermintated coconuts, a shade tree ,and a horny possum.
        They cut down the shade tree, made a raft of it, knowing from then on they would broil in the sun, filled the raft full of fermented coconuts, me, and sent it adrift.
        I’m blaming Mom and Popsum for my wineing.

  9. Mel Gibson Movies cant go wrong Loved this Movie Yes Violent but well acted out but do we care about HellYqueer these days anyone, anyone? seen this Movie Free with ads on IMB Via Amazon Platform Feminist movement will always be with us If You want to be a GI Jane then go for it!

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